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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To miss co-sleeping

32 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 04/01/2015 21:17

For months on end I was so overwhelmed by my DS being an awful sleeper that it reached the point of me being absolutely exhausted and usually ending up in tears most nights because I was so desperate for sleep. I was so tired, frustrated and angry and I couldn't see a way out. I felt like I had no control over my life and amidst my upset I never stopped crying about the fact DS wouldn't go to sleep at night unless he was in bed with me. I repeatedly told DH I was at breaking point and I couldn't cope anymore, that I needed DS to sleep and I needed him to sleep in his cot.

£75 and three weeks later after speaking to a sleep consultant I now have a fantastic sleeping baby and all my troubles are over.

However, I now find myself deeply missing sleeping with him. I miss feeling him next to me and hearing him breathe, I miss waking up to find he's wriggled so close to me that I'm practically hanging out the bed and I just miss the closeness. I used to hold his hand when he slept and I would love feeling his little hands and fingers twitching during his sleep. I used to wake up in the morning to his gorgeous face and him poking me in the eyes to get my attention or trying to suck on my nose as that's how he likes to give kisses. I miss it all so much. It upsets me a little that I don't have it anymore

He's now across the landing, sleeping in his cot and I want nothing more than to go and get him and spend another night curled up with him.

He's 9 months old - maybe I'm finding it hard to come to terms with the fact he's not a 'baby' anymore. I feel a bit stupid about how upset I get over missing our night time cuddles

OP posts:

Helicoptopus · 04/01/2015 21:27

I expect I will feel like that when I stop co sleeping. Dd nearly 2 and still breast feeding so we snuggle up, it's lovely and she is my last child so I am in no hurry to move her on! But you'll get used to it and make up for it with day time cuddles I'm sure. Have you had that feeling of sleep euphoria yet, the one where you have a few good nights and feel like you can take on the world? Hope so; there are some advantages to having enough sleep

TheLastThneed · 04/01/2015 21:27

I totally understand. I was at the end of my tether when DD was still waking every 2 hours after 8 months. When she finally started sleeping through, I would get sad when I went to bed knowing I wouldn't see her until morning.

When DP goes away she always sleeps with me...I always really miss her when she's not there. I love listening to her breathing, her little hands, she's so nice and warm. I love seeing her face when ai wake up, and she always smiles in the morning just before she opens her eyes...

shellbyville · 04/01/2015 21:28

Firstly sending a virtual hug! And I don't think YABU at all. I fought co-sleeping at first but it was the only way we all slept. Appreciate that we're lucky we could sleep well sharing a (admittedly king size so space enough) bed, I know lots of people struggle to share with a child. But I loved it, still love it when DS (now 3) gets in with us in the middle of the night.

Don't feel stupid, it's natural to want to be with your baby when he's all vulnerable, as when he's asleep! Nothing is stopping you finding some middle ground :-) My DS starts the night in his own bed and then comes into us when he wakes, sometimes middle of the night sometimes morning ... Perhaps that's an option.

BathshebaDarkstone · 04/01/2015 21:32

I did miss it at first but we still have lots of cuddles.

lomega · 04/01/2015 21:33

Aww what a lovely thread :)

I never officially co-slept (had baby in a moses basket next to our bed) but when I bf in the middle of the night I'd cuddle down with DS for an hour or so to get him to sleep, and then sometimes in the morning I would bring him into our bed and doze letting him latch on and off in his sleep. It was adorable and so close and I miss it a lot.
Now, my 1yr old uses our bed/heads as a trampoline and if you try to kiss or cuddle him down he pushes you away and squeals crossly :( Makes me so sad he won't snuggle in bed anymore so I know how you feel...

Sometimes when he's asleep in his room in his own cot I sneak in and just watch him and go all silly over him and that sort of helps a bit. x

UngratefulMoo · 04/01/2015 21:33

I completely understand - the cuddles are just lovely, but, at the risk of sounding insensitive - please can I have the details of your sleep consultant?? DD is 16mo and still wakes 2-3 times a night (and usually ends up in bed with us, just because we're too tired to do anything else). Perhaps if you were a year down the line and still only getting a few broken hours a night, you would really regret not having taken this action now?

DougalTheCheshireCat · 04/01/2015 21:36

I miss it. We only stopped to stop night feeding (still breast feeding at 19 months) as over the last 6-9 months I developed insomnia, so when DD wakened I didn't go back to sleep for hours, or likewise is I woke without being woken by her. We night weaned gradually over 6 months (it was interrupted by a long teething bout and some colds etc). Now, finally she is sleeping longer stretches.

I miss co sleeping a lot and I'm wondering how long I need to give it to re introduce some of it. I work 4 full days a week and find it a great way to get closeness and extra time together and I just love it. I'd be interested in others experiences of how they did the mix, and it they did it while maintaining night weaning (as night feeding drives every night wake ups and that's what was killing me).

DD likes to sleep with her face smooshed into my armpit and I love it!

elQuintoConyo · 04/01/2015 21:37

Dreading putting DS in his own room at Easter. He's 3 It's got to be done, although I know he won't go without a fight.

for you, OP, and all of us.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 04/01/2015 21:38

Your not stupid
It is a perfectly natural thing to want to do.

Do not worry ... You have not seen the last of your days sleeping next to your DC .

When they get poorly and as they get older and start to have anxieties about life DC will still want to gravitate to your side at night.

ItsaboatJack · 04/01/2015 21:39

My dd is 5 soon and she still sleeps in our bed. She starts the night in her own bed, but will get into ours at some point in the night. We are trying at the moment to get her to stay in her own bed by her birthday, without much luck so far.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 04/01/2015 21:39

Ungrateful - her name is Nicola Watson. Her website is called childsleepsolutions.

If DS ever did wake up for a feed (still BF) then I would definitely bring him into my bed for a cuddle but he doesn't even wake up for feeds anymore.

I find myself staring at him on the video baby monitor and going all gooey. Every time he changes position or makes a sweet little noise I grab the monitor, shove it in DH's face and say, "Oh look at him" in a really stupid soppy voice. I just miss him

OP posts:

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 04/01/2015 21:40

Didn't finish my post!
I meant to also say my DD is 9 and my DS is 6 and we still have snuggles in bed.
It is a bonding time when words aren't needed .

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 04/01/2015 21:41

DS was 2 before he went into his own bed and bedroom (his choice when I bought new bed for him).

I did miss him but it was so nice to star fish in my own bed not have a wriggly child in bed who made me so restless and tired it took a while and before knew it, I was walking up to him getting in my bed for morning cuddles. Even now almost another 2years down the line I hear little patter of feet creeping into my bed some nights.

It makes such a difference to getting yourself good night or few hours sleep and you can always bring them in your bed for morning cuddles

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 04/01/2015 21:42

Although these replies are sad in one respect, it's also nice to know I'm not alone

OP posts:

calmexterior · 04/01/2015 21:42

YANBU and thanks for making me feel better about DS age 21 weeks who now won't stay asleep in the evening as he now seems wants me to cosleep all night and not just from midnight. It's nice to know I'll miss it one day (!)

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 04/01/2015 21:45

Writer I remember that time when my own DC were babies - when they dropped their last feed before I went to bed - I can remember really really missing that time with them.

Bodicea · 04/01/2015 21:46

Unless you have some miracle
Sleep consultant hopeful you will get the odd night back, when they are poorly or teething maybe or when your dpnis away and you can't resist. I also bring by ds in for a few hours snooze with me some mornings.

WeAllHaveWings · 04/01/2015 21:47

Co slept with ds until he was around 4 years old, initially due to poor sleeping, but loved that extra time snuggled with him especially when working full time.

Co slept with him again over Xmas for a couple of nights while we were decorating his bedroom (dh got put in spare room ;)). Ds is now 10 and 4ft 10ins, but waking up to him sleeping in my bed did take me back for a few seconds.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 04/01/2015 21:51

Bodicea - next month my DH is away for 8 nights and it's going to be sooooooo hard to resist the temptation of sleeping with DS

OP posts:

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 04/01/2015 21:52

My sisters boy is 9 and she told me that sometimes she wakes up to find he has crept into her bed. She loves it

OP posts:

caker · 04/01/2015 22:24

Before DD was born I was adamant we wouldn't co sleep, but nothing else worked. Here we are at 21 months still co sleeping and I love it. Usually she wakes up around 10pm and snuggles in but she didn't last night and I felt really lonely, even though she was right beside me! I'd love a whole night's sleep though.

UngratefulMoo · 04/01/2015 22:30

Thank you!

littlehayleyc · 04/01/2015 22:34

I miss co-sleeping. DS is 7 and DD is 4. Sometimes if they wake in the night or early morning they'll still come in for a cuddle though :) When DH is working away, I have been known to let the DCs go to sleep in our bed so we can all snuggle up. It's so much easier to get to sleep cuddled up with them than being on my own!

dietcokeandwine · 04/01/2015 22:58

I only coslept on an occasional basis but I did miss it once they were well and truly settled and sorted in their cots.

What we have always done though is start the day with all the DC (we now have three) coming into our bed. It's lovely having morning snuggles - I often wake up to find my five year old crawling up the bed whispering 'I love you, mummy, can I have a cuddle please?'

Even my oldest still starts the day by getting into our bed with us and he's 10 now

Can highly recommend starting this as a family tradition OP!

creamoftomato · 04/01/2015 23:18

Oh don't feel stupid. My DS is also 9mo and we've been sort of half heartedly trying to encourage him to sleep in his cot for the last two nights because we have a few days before everyone's back to work. But actually I hate it, and it's just as you say, I miss him terribly. so terribly that I think I will just grab him and put him back in bed with me this evening and sleep be damned

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