To think that Hen 'do's' don't have to be weekends/weeks away?

[Niamhisnotarealname]

My lovely best friend just cant seem to get her head around the fact that no-one wants to go away for a weekend/week for her Hen do.
We all have family's, kids and budgets to stick too.
My friend currently does not have children so therefore more disposable income than me but I also know for a fact that they are in a lot of debt for the wedding plus other things so also do not have all that much disposable income.
I understand she wants to do something special and different but I am not willing to take a weeks holiday from work or spend money going to stay somewhere for two -4 nights and waste money on getting pissed.

She keeps getting the hump when we say no to her repeated different ideas to try and get us to go away for the weekend/week.

Whats wrong with going out for a meal or a few drinks or both? or even if she wants to do something different to a spa or go karting or something. but just for the day?

I didn't even have a Hen do! i thought it was all a bit much of a muchness

Exactly monkeytroubles and brides who take it personally or get miffed because of this are in the wrong and being selfish.

I posted recently about how I have been expected to pay £200 for accommodation and a spa for my DH's Dsis' hen weekend (doesn't include travel there and back, night out or meal on the Saturday or anything on Sunday) in a v expensive part of the country. Difference there was that DH really wanted me to go so he has paid for half of it out of his own pocket, so I have to go, but the sheer cost made me boak!

Even worse, the bride is a nurse, as are a lot of her friends - I have what I know to be a higher paid job and seem to be the only one who considers this to be too much money!!! It must be completely normal these days!

The thing is, it's quite easy to spend hundreds going to someone else's wedding. Travel, hotel, present and new outfit (if needed) all add up. Add in a weekend or week long hen do and it will often be over a grand.

A mate went on a week long hen do (somewhere in the West Indies) and by day 4, she pretty much hated everyone there; it was far too long.

I don't think it's just stag and hen dos. Every celebration lately seems to be getting out of hand. My friend wants us to go away for the weekend this summer for her birthday. This is the final event of her birthday week, with a posh meal out on actual birthday, a family party, and a romantic night with DP. I'd understand if this was a special one, but she's turning 27. Last year, she had a gift list registry at John Lewis which I proudly ignored.

I'm going to have to immigrate if she gets engaged aren't I?

OTT hen/stag weekends (or weeks ) are a bugbear of mine. In about May 2014 I was invited to a hen weekend in February 2015 about 300 miles away from where I live so that was already a big ask, not to mention the financial outlay and the fact that I just couldn't commit to something that far in advance! Plus I only really know the bride (from years back) so I'd have to spend the weekend with a bunch of strangers, no thanks.

My hen night (July 2014) was ONE night with my Mum and five friends, a meal, drinks and dancing and I loved it. I didn't have bridesmaids so I organised it myself. I also had a low key wedding with no money grabbing poems...

I just want to say WELL DONE, for you all saying no.

We've all faced this problem. My best friend from Uni organised a week on the med for her hen do. I didn't have the cash or the holiday days left and didn't know anyone else going, so I opted out. I didn't know a soul at her wedding either but did not get a 'plus one' invite - I was put on a table full of couples I did not know. It was a miserable day for me.

YANBU. I had dinner and drinks with a small group of friends for my hen do. I was bridesmaid for someone recently who had a week away - it really didn't suit me at all so I opted out and she was fine about it.

Thing is - if the bride has a hen week and then a two plus week holiday, that sucks up nearly all her annual leave. I'd hate a hen week even if I was the bride.

Completely agree. I must have spent thousands over the last few years on hen dos far from home that have been fairly mediocre.

Love more local low key ones!

The year I got married 8 other friends got married we would have run out of time for our own honeymoons if we had all done this.

Quite a lot of my friends didn't have Hen dos as we where to the four winds by then, I had 3 to make up I realised that I could do one in my home town with my female family and best friend, just drinks out, 1 in the town I lived in which I shared with a work mate who was getting married the week before me, comedy club and night club and then one the night before the wedding for everyone who had traveled up by then this was to another town. I did the leg work as I wanted fun with people, DH Didn't have one except by default the night before the wedding to.

Only time I have heard of a hen weekend where I thought excellent, was my cousins bride to be and her matron of honour (her sister) got treated by their Mum to a spa weekend as a suprise, she paid for it all, organised with both her future SILs that they would be off work to look after their children, (mid week break as both on SAHM) at a hotel 3 miles from home as she realised they would both not have relaxed if they had been miles from home, she paid for 4 spa treatments all the food and drink and in a moment of brilliance managed to arrange for her daughters hair dresser and make up person to come and do a practice which my cousin and his wife to be couldn't afford to do, just before she took them both for an up slap meal.
Their wedding was similarly lovely, village hall and buffet, dress borrowed from a friend, flowers by Mum in law, booze by Mum handily a publican so she arranged the licence and charged cost price, fantastic

I feel for your friend I do think if I am honest I can't think of anything better than the excuse to be with my nearest and dearest female friends and family, but the reality is it is expensive, uses precious holiday, and if we have other responsibilities we have to juggle them.

My best friends been married twice never had a hen do, never made either marriage less special.

I agree. Both me and my sister had simple meal out with a few fun games. Both were under £30 a head. Everyone had a great time.