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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Let down over Christmas plans

72 replies

leanmachine · 04/01/2015 11:09

My Mum and Dad flew to Dubai to see my older brother for Christmas so it was agreed that we would have our Christmas at New Year when they returned. Only they changed their plans.

They decided that they enjoyed the sun so much that they would stay on for an extra ten days so my Christmas didn't happen. They cannot understand why I am upset and cross with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
leanmachine · 04/01/2015 11:25

I found things to do. I helped in a shelter with some other students on the 25th to 27th. I didn't mind that at all, but then they changed what had been agreed.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 04/01/2015 11:28

Good for you for getting out and doing something worthwhile with your time.

I still think your parents are shitty.

Original poster
leanmachine · 04/01/2015 11:30

To answer a question. I did mention that I was a bit upset that all the plans about the arrangements for New Year had been altered without involving me at all. Dad said, "I knew she would be upset" - Mum was unimpressed by him and me having a view that differed from hers!

OP posts:
Nomama · 04/01/2015 11:30

YABVVVVU to mind.

Your DB is only out there for a while. Your parents will probably never get such an opportunity again. You were invited and so were not excluded.

But you are in no way U at all to be upset. Just make sure you don't let it fester. That would only hurt you most in the long run.

flightywoman · 04/01/2015 11:32

Well, I would be hurt and disappointed too, I don't think you are being unreasonable to feel the way you do...

TheReluctantCountess · 04/01/2015 11:33

Did you originally mind when they said they were going away for Christmas?
I don't think you're being unreasonable.

FunkyBoldRibena · 04/01/2015 11:33

Aw, bless your cottons OP.

Think of all the parties you can have before they get home.

herethereandeverywhere · 04/01/2015 11:35

Isn't the point that OP didn't mind missing actual Xmas or the fact that her parents were visiting her brother at that time but that they didn't keep their word which was to have 'family Xmas' at New Year when they came back?

It's letting OP down when she had waited for a previously agreed family Xmas celebration which is the problem.

OP YANBU, your parents preferred an extended stay in the sunshine to spending quality time with you.

theendoftheendoftheend · 04/01/2015 11:37

You poor thing! I don't blame you at all for being upset I would be too.

LadyLuck10 · 04/01/2015 11:42

Tbh it's was an opportunity for them which would have been silly to miss. Your Db is there for a short while, and Xmas and New Years happens every single year. I think yabu to be upset with them over this.

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 04/01/2015 11:45

My dd is 20 and I can't even contemplate leaving her out at Christmas - though I'd be fine if she had other plans. But no way would I leave her on her own, make promises and then move the goal posts.

^^This...

YANBU

hesterton · 04/01/2015 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReluctantCamper · 04/01/2015 11:52

Yay to what hesterton said!

ReluctantCamper · 04/01/2015 11:53

Yy not yay damn you auto correct

PulpsNotFiction · 04/01/2015 12:04

YANBU. No way would I do that to my DC's Sad

But Hesterton makes a very good point!

Original poster
leanmachine · 04/01/2015 12:11

Thank you Hesterton I will take your advice Smile

OP posts:
Cornettoninja · 04/01/2015 12:12

Hesterton definitely makes a very good point.

Yanbu to feel let down that your DM doesn't see why you'd be deflated and feel sidelined though. If your DF can't get it through to her either try not to take it too personally. She clearly doesn't get it rather than anything particularly malicious.

Do you think if your brother had been in Moscow they would have stayed the extra days? If I were your db I'd probably have been irritated by having them stay on longer than planned and annoyed at the weather being the reasons rather than the wonder that is me Grin it is a bit 'usey'.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 04/01/2015 12:16

YANBU it's mean of them to change plans at the last minute when you were looking forward to it. They should make it up to you when they get back.

holeinmyheart · 04/01/2015 12:23

Personally I would never have contemplated leaving an adult child alone at Christmas. However, young adult children can be quite ruthless about changing their plans to suit them selves, without regard for the feelings of their parents.

My DCs didn't behave too selfishly, but I remember when they came home from Uni, my house was used as a Hotel as they were out partying with their friends, who were also home for Christmas. My DH and I hardly saw them. We just had to suck it up and behave graciously.

I think you have to also behave graciously Post. Dubai is a long way away and they probably won't have the opportunity to go there again.
If the boot was on the other foot and you hadn't come home because you were having so much fun, they would have had to suck it up.

How would you have felt then, if they had railed against you and sulked, making you feel guilty of neglecting them?

If you have always considered their feelings then I think you have a case ! Otherwise I think you have to behave in ' gracious sucking up mode.' Or is it too late?

YoungGirlGrowingOld · 04/01/2015 12:23

YANBU but Hesterton is right. (She is also being more grown up about it than I would be, and I am considerably older than you OP!)

If it makes you feel better it has been foggy and a bit cold in Dubai tHe last few days Wink

PickledPorcupine · 04/01/2015 12:27

My parents left me for Xmas and NY when I was 19 and I was devastated. We had no local family and I spent most of it alone as I didn't want to impose on anyone else's Xmas.

Fast forward 10 years though and I spend every Xmas/NY completely guilt free with any choices I make for my family now. They've just had a sulk as we spent NY with the in laws and although I haven't said as much to them, I feel a bit 'see how you like it!'

Sorry this happened to you op, it's really shitty. I hope your get out of jail free card (good way of putting it hesterton!) comes in useful like mine has.

herintheredskirt · 05/01/2015 02:10

That sounds horrible and uncaring of them. I'm sure mine would have paid for me to go too if humanly possible (they were not well off).

DixieNormas · 05/01/2015 02:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrogIsATwat · 05/01/2015 05:46

I remember you posted on the alone at Christmas thread and how much you were looking forward to seeing them. YANBU

mumonashoestring · 05/01/2015 07:24

YANBU - I wouldn't dream of making plans with someone for Christmas and then, essentially, dropping them when I had a better offer.

Gracious is definitely the way to go but I'd be inclined to leave them in no doubt that you will make your own plans from now on without placing too much importance on their plans or preferences.