To expect in laws to childproof their house?

[SquidgyMaltLoaf]

PIL and my DM have kindly offered to take our DD for a day a week each when I go back to work. She will most likely be crawling by then and I'm worried about her being with them. My DM is very careful with putting things out of her reach and making sure everything is safe so I don't worry at all when she's with her, but I do worry when she's with PIL.

They have, for example, cables trailing all over the floor under appliances; ancient, uncovered sockets; chairs that are falling apart (certainly not through lack of money that these haven't been replaced); broken floor tiles (ditto above); a high chair that is held together by elastic; an open fire with the world's oldest and IMHO fairly useless fire guard. The kitchen itself is ancient and not very clean, and they don't wash crockery properly or take care with raw meat and regularly put the dog's bowl on the worktop where they also prepare food (incidentally I'm certainly no clean freak but I do like hygiene...).

I know there's possibly an element of pfb in my thinking but I can't help looking round and seeing all the potential hazards. How much is it reasonable for us to ask them to sort things out? If it were just us taking her over there I would expect full responsibility for her safety to lie with DH and me, but if we're not there we can't do that. There would be an almighty row if we said we didn't want them to look after her, so what can I do to make me feel happier and her safer?

I have to say you're being very PFB. You seem to forget that your PILs have also raised children, apparently without any lasting harm.

Yes to fixing the blind pulls. As for the rest of it, you're being precious. Your daughter will encounter far rougher things in life than a broken floor tile - if you don't like it, pay for childcare. It's not up to you to dictate how your PILs keep their house.

I wonder how many of these things would be issues to you if they occurred in your own parents' house op?
What does dh think, seeing as it's his child too?

To be fair I think most of us over the age of 25 survived some pretty horrifying methods of car travel. My twin brothers used to go in carry cots on the car floor while I sat on a wine rack. There weren't the child seats that there are now and people are more educated about car safety now. So on that point, your in laws may just need a bit of educating.

YABU

I assume they will house proof by watching the child and using the word "no" like we did.

If you want to specify terms, I think it would be easier to use paid childcare, it could make for an awkward family situation

I assume they will house proof by watching the child and using the word "no" like we did

those were exactly my thoughts too.

Tbh I think you would be better off using a childminder. I had similar offers from a very lovely family member but I was so uneasy and stressed it wasnt worth it

Can I just point out that socket covers are unnecessary - and in fact can add to the risks to children? Info here: www.fatallyflawed.org.uk/

as others have said, you and your dh do need to speak up if this is worrying you. Yes, you could refuse the offer, but I can see this would cause serious upset, especially if your own parents are going to do one day too. It also gives them a great opportunity to build a relationship with their grandchild. and will save you a lot of money in the long term.

I would go at it from the angle that you know you're being precious, but would they just humour you so that you don't worry while you're at work? they may well think you're mad (fine) but if you approach it without seeming critical of them, then the house can be sorted out without anyone feeling hurt.

absolutely you should pay for whatever changes you want made and you and/or dh should at least help to carry out the work.

I also agree that this will not be the last time you have to have an awkward conversation with them, and it may occur with your own parents too. You need to develop a strategy for this. (my mil has looked after all three dcs one day per week since i went back to work after ds1.)

I didn't babyproof my house other than to buy a decent fire guard as we have an open fire. This one. Why not buy that, the Ikea high chair and try not to stress about the other things? Either that or pay for a childminder instead.

Like others have said, if you aren't happy, then pay for childcare.

Fwiw we didn't baby proof much, but the basic things like stair safety and keeping dangerous/inappropriate things out of the way we covered. My MIL looks after my dn and seeing her complete lack of awareness of the senselessness of a small baby/child makes me very glad that we never used her. Yes, seven years of expensive nurseries have bankrupted us, but at least our children haven't been burned by the open fire or fallen down stairs or eaten handfuls of the tablets left out in a bowl on the lamp table or been knocked down by the untrained dog.

Currently, my dn is being prevented from going up the stairs by a rocking horse balanced on the bottom step. Or being plonked in a walker to restrain her.

You seem to have a different problem than baby proofing. You don't trust them to keep her safe. You need to either talk to them frankly about your concerns about not keeping sharps etc out of reach or you don't leave her there.

rally my mum is still baffled by carseats. She only bought one for me when U climbed out of the carry cot on the back seat of the car...

I don't think you're PFB here. It sounds an unsafe environment. You could reasonably ask to baby proof house but if you are worried they won't actually close stair gate. keep raw meet safely etc then I don't think I'd take my child there. They just don't sound very baby aware or careful. I might be particularly that they won't be careful with dog also.

I think if you can't discuss this stuff with them now then you've got bigger issues. If they are taking care of your baby then you need to be able to discuss everything, like what they feed baby, nap routine etc.

Also socket covers are unsafe, as others have pointed out.

I didn't childproof my own house. It was how my children learnt not to touch things they shouldn't.
Sounds perfectly ok to me. Broken tiles and dog bowl on the work top? That's an issue?
You sound a bit bonkers to me
They brought your husband up. He survived.
If you don't lime it pay for childcare!
The only issue I would have is with the high chair, so buy a new one for them to use

I would pick out a few non negotiables such as the fire guard and broken high chair and buy replacements yourself.

I would probably turn a blind eye to the dog bowl etc (although I agree with you that it's gross but I would never have a dog in the house). I would also gloss over the broken tiles.

Presumably your PILs are sensible, reliable people and will provide appropriate care.

Pay for childproofing or pay for childcare - or you may come across as being demanding, precious & v. unreasonable.

Are they truly as bad/careless as you've described them? I think its safe to assume they managed to raise your DH well enough to keep him away from home accidents

YABU. A few germs are good for them. You are worrying about really silly things that plenty of babies cope with on a day to day basis.

I agree it sounds like you are concerned about the care too.
My DD was awful about grabbing cups (many puddles). Luckily we dont drink hot drinks but IL and to some extent my parents i would have been concerned with having seen them leaving them accessibly while we visit.
Now you can mention and mention again but as theyre older their memory is maybe not as good.
I think the fact theirs survived has absolutely no bearing because each child is different (maybe theirs were good or did different naughty things)
It is much easier if they watch the kid in a child safe place so probably your own house.
I dont think its relevant about your parents still watching DC as you will always consider different situations.
Maybe 1 day per week would be best anyway (between parents) as illness or holidays etc could complicate ito

My parents look after my DS at their house sometimes. I provided a high chair and cot, they put foam corners on one table. Otherwise, nothing has been done. TBH the lack of a baby proofing makes their job harder, as unlike in our house, there are Things at reachable level which means DS needs constant attention, and sadly he has managed to break a few things.

I think as long as there are no real hazards, like spitting bare wires, it is worth remembering that just because they don't do things the same way you do, doesn't mean they are doing things wrong.

It will be lovely for your DD to be able to bond with her GPs

The fact that OP's DH didn't die is a spurious argument. He may have been less lucky if he'd investigated one of his parents broken sockets!

My friend offered to have ds3 one day a week when I went back to work. I love my friend and it would have saved me a lot of money but she has very different ideas re. safety than I have. She believes in leaving everything within reach and teaching them not to touch it and to be fair her three children have reached adulthood successfully but I would not have been able to relax with this arrangement. I paid for a child proofed, trained in first aid and insured childminder which gave me peace of mind. I think you should do the same.

Socket covers are not recommended for modern sockets. Op says her PIL's sockets are "ancient" so could well be without the inbuilt safety feature.

YANBU
Dangling blind cords, open fire with unsafe fireguard, rickety furniture, broken highchair, poor hygiene - all these things add up to people who simply don't regard the safety of your child as important.

I'm amazed at the posters who claim that it all sounds fine to them. Some of these issues are so dangerous they could kill or seriously injure a small child.

I do agree, though, that you need to find alternative care if you can't discuss this with them. You are going to be a nervous wreck on the days your child is with them.
You need to have this sorted with them now: it'll be much harder to remove your child from their care later on.