To expect DH to cook anything....?

[Mrshumptydumpty]

I suppose I just want to know peoples thoughts....

DH and I have been together 10 years. We have two small kids ( pre school and KS1).

Ever since I have known DH he has never really cooked anything. I mean I cannot think of one single meal he has actually cooked.

In the early days of our relationship I did not really notice or mind as I loved cooking both for him and others and it was obvious he had no idea so we just fell into me always cooking.

The only meal he has ever presented me with was a jacket potato with salad on the side, however I later found out his neighbour cooked it for him before I arrived!!

If I am ill or away he/ we just don't eat. For example I had to work over Xmas so DH has the kids, he fed them crap all day long, eg crackers for lunch, biscuits, crisps etc.

As time has gone on this has become a problem as to be honest I am just sick sorry and tired of cooking day in day out. We have one very fussy eater too and I'm vegetarian so sometimes I end up doing three variations on a meal which is far from enjoyable.

The thing is in other ways he is more than contributing his fair share, he works very long hours and earns a six figure salary so we have a very nice home and financial security. He single handedly renovated our last house in his spare time. But this issues is now bugging me.

Just want others perspective on how unusual this situation is!!!

My DH is a bit like this. But doesn't worry me at all. He easily does as much around the house, even though I currently work part time and he works very long hours. He would not normally ignore the tidying up, the laundry or ironing or whatever and cleans up after every meal he's here for so in every other area he just gets on with it. He'll happily spend an entire evening fixing an appliance or sorting out some financial policy while I watch TV. He also does far more chauffeuring of the DC than me in the evenings.

Generally as long as you are both contributing your time and effort equally (ignoring finances), I don't think it matters how you split it.

However I do know DH is capable of feeding the kids a few days of reasonable meals and I would be pissed off if he couldn't, just like he would pissed off if I didn't do the bins when he was away or if I said I couldn't possibly takeover any of 'his' roles for a while. If I'm out he'll put together a meal, albeit of the preprepared type such as fish chips and peas, or heat up something I've put in the freezer. He's capable, if I was long term ill or something he'd rise to the challenge and learn to cook properly just like he has learnt other stuff so its no great shakes to me.

Our division of tasks is very traditional but we each do the things that make us least miserable (lazy buggars at heart, trying to keep everything running without anyone realising!)

mrshumpty your situation is spookily like mine even down to the vegetarianism. And the problem when I'm ill. It does trouble me when I battle on when not feeling well. And that he can drive a car / run a company but not cook a curry.

For Xmas I got dh 2 Lindt dessert packets. One needs an egg. One needs whisking with milk (choc mousse) . He loves chocolate and puddings. So I asked him to make pudding with his "novelty" present. He did it and was proud. I'm looking forward to Chocolate lava cake!

My point is I found the simplest thing I could, that makes something he likes, and was "fun" as a present. We can't live on chocolate mousse but it's a start. Next time it might be a make your own cheesecake kit. Anything to develop confidence.

My other hope is that he's retiring in a year and says he wants to learn to cook!

"poster Northernparent68 Sun 04-Jan-15 00:59:57
Is nt working 60 hours a week and renovating a house a sufficient contribution ?"

No of course it isn't! Do you seriously have to ask? Are you op's dh?

Op, how can you bring yourself to feel love and respect for a man who is so lazy that he can't even feed his children on proper food when you are out for a day at Christmas?

My DH can't cook/won't cook. I don't mind as I like cooking and he does do washing up, and is always making me cups of tea.

If I am out for the day he does the kids a fried breakfast or beans on toast. Or fishfingers and boiled potatoes.

In your case I would expect DH to at least come up with something for the kids!

True Chunderella.

The thing I did not mention is that DH was like the OP husband 20 years ago. He only learned these basics when it was needed. To feed the kids.

So I suggest OP's DH learns a few basics!

And the kid

? What kid and why. Sorry for rogue post

Flowery didn't decide you were a villain. If these people were employed legally then they have the protection of the law and there are no grey areas at all. It doesn't matter what you think is fair, the law is the law.

If they are genuinely registered as self employed and declaring income on their tax return then it is no issue whatsoever.

If they have been paid cash in hand with no consideration for their employment status but with everyone benefiting from the cash in hand economy, then it could be a very grey area for you indeed. Its essentially against the law, but may never be an issue as, if the carers were aware of their cash in hand status, they are unlikely to want to draw the attention of HMRC. However they may strongly have believed they were employees.

Legally your solicitor can advise, morally only you can decide.

Doh wrong thread sorry.