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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

is my relatives financial decision unreasonable?

37 replies

rolledoats · 03/01/2015 15:54

Talking to a family member at N.Y. get together. He's been divorced a year or so now, has children every other weekend and during part of school hols. He sadly got made redundant just before Xmas, luckily he got a decent pay out which will last a few months. When I saw him he said he'd got a new job, which of course we were pleased about. However new job is part time, and pays a lot less than his previous salary. He said he felt he needed a better work life balance and to spend more time with his DC. He's expecting his Ex to agree this and also to agree a reduction in maintenance (he now pays over what he needs to, but when he starts new job wants to reduce it to the minimum of his new salary, which won't be much, and I think reduce that further because he'll have the DC closer to 50%of the time.

I can't decide what I think about it. I applaud him wanting more time with his children, but I'm just not sure how it will work or what his Exs reaction will be. He thinks that as she is fairly comfortable financially it won't make much difference to her.

OP posts:

ihatethecold · 03/01/2015 15:55

Is say it's got nothing to do with you.
Don't meddle.

Viviennemary · 03/01/2015 15:56

I think you have to let him get on with whatever decision he has made. If he feels it's the right decision for his DC's then I think he is right to do what he's done. Expecially if his partner is comfortably off so the children won't suffer hardship but will gain by having extra time with their Dad.

LittleBearPad · 03/01/2015 15:57

He's got himself a new job which is good. He may not have been able to get one equal to his old job for the time being. Spending more time with his children is laudable. It may also be what he's saying to explain the part time job if realky he wanted, but was unable to get a full time job. Is it any of your business ultimately?

Greywackejones · 03/01/2015 15:58

you think he should work solely to keep her...?

I think good on him. Anything he can do to improve parenting is good. Nobody dies wishing spent more time at work.

MinceSpy · 03/01/2015 15:58

If he parents 50/50 with his ex then he may have to pay no maintenance but he will have to buy more food, clothing , heating and house the children when he has them. If his income drops then he pays less maintenance but it is fair that he picks up more of the everyday parenting duties. I can't see the problem.

Original poster

rolledoats · 03/01/2015 16:00

I'm not planning to meddle, he was telling me and a few other family about it. I'm just concerned he's not thought it through, or considered what he'll do if his Ex doesn't agree.

OP posts:

KingJoffreysHasABigWhiteBeard · 03/01/2015 16:07

My ex pays me a fiver a week. I don't agree to it. It's what I get.

His ex wife will have to deal with it. The CSA will work out a 'fair' amount.

LittleBearPad · 03/01/2015 16:13

Well she can't force him to resign, become voluntarily unemployed (no JSA for months) and get another job, which may not exist...

Original poster

rolledoats · 03/01/2015 16:14

I think he is hoping for 50/50, his new hours would certainly allow him to do school pickups and drop offs.

OP posts:

MinceSpy · 03/01/2015 16:17

His ex doesn't have to agree IFYSWIM. He is only obliged to pay the amount of child support based on his income and amount of child care he provides. If she doesn't want 50/50 shared parenting he may have to go to mediation etc but he will probably get it. In fact if she earns more she may find she has to pay him.

SpringBreaker · 03/01/2015 16:24

does his ex work?

Original poster

rolledoats · 03/01/2015 16:27

She does work but also only pt.

I can't see her agreeing to 50/50, from what I remember when they split up she was initiallyquite reluctant to agree to every other weekend.

OP posts:

elastamum · 03/01/2015 16:29

I think it depends on whether he and his ex wife are earning enough to support their DC. If he earns nothing and is a NRP the CSA will assess him at £5 pw, but that doesn't mean it is the right thing to do if his children end up in poverty.

nilbyname · 03/01/2015 16:30

Well if he's a stand up guy, and maybe he is then his new plans apund fantastic for his kids.

Why is it bothering you?

minibmw2010 · 03/01/2015 16:32

If he's working less hours and can spend more time with his children that sounds like a good thing to me. You sound very worried about what his ex will or will not do? She can't refuse to work with him on this can she?

WooWooOwl · 03/01/2015 16:33

I think it's up to him what he wants to do and he doesn't need his ex's permission. If he wants 50/50 contact time and she doesn't agree then he can to to court and hopefully he will get it.

He's not expecting to do anything that his other parent doesn't already do, so I can't see the problem. The ex is free to increase her working hours if she wants to and needs more money, and it should be much easier for her if her co parent is working part time and is willing to have his children more.

Why should she get to be the one that works part time and gets more time with the children just because she's female?

ilovesooty · 03/01/2015 16:36

WooWoo has made the point I was going to make. He's not doing something his ex isn't already doing.

PastPerfect · 03/01/2015 16:36

All depends on whether his ex can afford to look after the DC if he reduced maintenance.

If he reduces maintenance leaving the DC in financial hardship or having to move to a smaller home then he is a an arse.

ilovechristmas1 · 03/01/2015 16:39

well if he does get 50/50 care then if his ex dosen like it she can go full time

i bet she is still getting the tax credit and child benefit if he goes 50/50

Original poster

rolledoats · 03/01/2015 16:40

His Ex lives rent free in a family property so there's no risk of her having to move.

My main concern is she won't agree to more contact (can't see her being too happy about less money either really) and it all getting dragged through the courts for ages.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 03/01/2015 16:42

If she ends up being uncooperative and it going to court she's the arse, not him.

WooWooOwl · 03/01/2015 16:44

I still can't really see your concern.

Is it because you are worried about the effect of a court battle on your relative and his children, or because you think the ex should be able to have everything her own way even if the other parent doesn't agree?

If it ends up going to court, then it will be because the ex is unreasonable, not your relative.

BlueBrightBlue · 03/01/2015 16:45

Why does the CSA have to become involved?

Flibbertyjibbet · 03/01/2015 16:45

Why should his ex be able to choose part time working and expect him to cough up whilst only seeing the kids every other weekend? If she wants more money she can increase her hours.

I think he should go for 50/50. As his ex is his ex why would you expect her to dictate his working hours.
If this was the other way around, mother wanting to work part time would you have a problem with it?
Dp and I both work 3.5 days a week btw so I do practice what I preach.

VanitasVanitatum · 03/01/2015 16:45

I think he's made a great decision if he can afford it. Life is too short. Imagine only seeing your children every other weekend, sounds like hell.

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