is my relatives financial decision unreasonable?

[rolledoats]

Talking to a family member at N.Y. get together. He's been divorced a year or so now, has children every other weekend and during part of school hols. He sadly got made redundant just before Xmas, luckily he got a decent pay out which will last a few months. When I saw him he said he'd got a new job, which of course we were pleased about. However new job is part time, and pays a lot less than his previous salary. He said he felt he needed a better work life balance and to spend more time with his DC. He's expecting his Ex to agree this and also to agree a reduction in maintenance (he now pays over what he needs to, but when he starts new job wants to reduce it to the minimum of his new salary, which won't be much, and I think reduce that further because he'll have the DC closer to 50%of the time.

I can't decide what I think about it. I applaud him wanting more time with his children, but I'm just not sure how it will work or what his Exs reaction will be. He thinks that as she is fairly comfortable financially it won't make much difference to her.

His ex doesn't have to agree to a reduction in maintenance or him only working part time now. The only thing she would have to agree to is more contact.

With the way things are right now it's quite likely that his new part time job is all he could get. While a reduction in maintenance won't be great for his ex, it's more than she'd get if he was signing on.

None of your business.

Stay out of it.

Hth

I think it's very reasonable for him to choose to work fewer hours so that he can spend more time with his children.

As WooWoo says, he's not doing anything different to the other parent.

If that's the job he can get at the moment, then she has to accept less maintenance. She could work ft to earn more and he can spend more time with the children to offset child care costs.

I think he's doing fine. Yabu.

The new arrangement might mean she needs less childcare, saving them money. It could have hidden benefits for the ex, as she might be able to extend her hours or enjoy time off from the DCs. He might just be saving face because he's embarrassed that he can't get full time hours. But ultimately, it's not really your business. All you can do is listen and be supportive.

Your relative is being perfectly reasonable. As an aside, I wonder if what he's told you is saving face.

Provided there are no concerns about his parenting, they live close enough not to disrupt school, clubs, friends etc, and that he can commit to the care (ie not suddenly increase hours) why not?

X-post with gawjus

I also say good on him and his ex will just have to suck it up if he has to pay less maintenance as a result of him being made redundant. There's nothing to say he would have been able to get a full time job in any case. Surely if he can do childcare it'll reduce costs anyway?

If I was the ex here Id be delighted to be able to increase my hours, increase my earnings & not pay childcare at the same time. Maybe the ex won't react in the way you expect.

There are no childcare costs currently as his Ex only works weekends (DC are cared for by family on the weekends they are not with him).

I don't think she will want to work ft, she reduced her hours once they had children, as she didn't want them in nursery or similar.

I will stay out of it, and just be supportive to my relative. I do think more time with his children is great, but my worry is it may lead to a protracted court dispute which, especially now, he really can't afford.

Better a court case and children who get to see both of their parents regularly than no court case and children only being able to see their own parent twice a month.