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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my friend really weird(stealing food) or AIBU

36 replies

paddy29 · 03/01/2015 12:18

Just wanted some opinions on my friend and his food stealing and whether he is weird or if everyone knows someone similar. Its definitely a bit weird. I've known this guy since we were 4 so there are a million examples i'll give 2 of the most recent ones, he is in the Navy if that makes a difference.

We are out at a movie and I fancy a bit of Chinese food to pick up on way home. So I ask him if he wants anything before I call, 3 times I ask him cause I know what he's like. Doesn't want anything. I order a Chicken Chow Mein and chips. We get back to my bit and I offer him half of it, he says no again. So I put half the food on a plate and go through and sit down. He a few minutes later walks out of loo to where i'm eating and grabs a massive handful of chow mein and chips from my plate, grease dripping everywhere and sits and eats it without saying a word. I was just speechless.

I was helping him with some DIY and after it we came back to mine. My pregnant wife had very kindly made us some dinner so we ate and after we were standing in kitchen whilst I did the dishes. Wife is there as well and he puts a packet of quavers in a bag he carries about. I ask him if he wants some Irn Bru from fridge to take with him as he is driving and cant drink so he takes 4 cans. Later we go to a friends bit who has a new flat and we stop at shop. My friend buys 2 turkish delights and a big packet of skittles. I get some beer and 2 packets of sandwiches as I know the friend with the flat will have no food and wont have had dinner. So we get there and and I give him the sandwiches and we share the beer. Other friend sits and munches his way through his sweets and drinks my irn bru. A couple of hours in I get text from my wife asking if' i'd eaten her Quavers. It turns out he had taken my pregnants wife Quavers from right in front of us both without saying a word, not from a multipack but the only pack she had picked up for herself as at that point in pregnancy it was what she really liked. He knew he was going to shop on way to new flat and he did it anyways. We both wrongly assumed they were his.

I could go on but its too long already, so does everyone know someone similar to this? Almost like stolen food tastes better or something.

OP posts:
ApocalypseThen · 03/01/2015 12:21

Is he stuck for cash? Can he not afford to feed himself?

Original poster
paddy29 · 03/01/2015 12:22

No he has good job, lovely flat, nice car etc. He has always been like this for as long as I can remember and he was always the 'rich' kid in my group of friends.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 03/01/2015 12:24

Doesn't anybody challenge him when he does this stuff?

2015 · 03/01/2015 12:24

Have you ever said anything to him about it? Is he a tightwad in general?

GraysAnalogy · 03/01/2015 12:25

thats actually really strange. It could be some sort of compulsion disorder or the fact he's just a theif. Why have you not pulled him up on it?!

ApocalypseThen · 03/01/2015 12:26

If he's not struggling and embarrassed I can't imagine any reasonable explanation for this kind of behaviour. Is it only around food?

MrsTawdry · 03/01/2015 12:26

Why wouldn;t you say something? In my experience some people use food as a form of control. My SIL is a bit like this. She takes food from my children...grabs a biscuit or whatever from their plate.

Once we had a large selection of Chinese takeaway and she said "Keep the fish for the adults!" as in ...don't give the DC any of the good bits.

I pull her up...I say "Hands off!" and slap her hands when she approaches.

Original poster
paddy29 · 03/01/2015 12:28

@gamerchick I generally will just slag him for it rather than any kind of talking to.

@2015 He is a tightwad as in likes to avoid buying rounds and stuff but in other ways he is the opposite. Seems to be restricted to food and drink.

OP posts:
Icimoi · 03/01/2015 12:30

He scoops food off your plate with his hands? That's gross. Don't you challenge him?

ViviPru · 03/01/2015 12:31

Just all kinds of Confused

Original poster
paddy29 · 03/01/2015 12:32

I have challenged him loads of times in the past but after 25 years I guess I just gave in.

OP posts:
Icimoi · 03/01/2015 12:34

But what does he say when you challenge him? Does he offer any justification or reason?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 03/01/2015 12:34

It's simple next time he grabs food from your plate after you have offered him his own plate just throw the rest of the food in his face

CarmelasFridge · 03/01/2015 12:35

I knew someone like that, it was just tightness. It's a really horrible trait.

MistAndAWeepingRain · 03/01/2015 12:36

You need to call him out on this. It's stealing and completely unacceptable. It would be unacceptable even if he was stuck for cash or dealing with compulsive issues around food.

WooWooOwl · 03/01/2015 12:36

How did he grab a handful of chow mein and chips? Confused

Did he literally just have a fistful of noodles? That sounds vile, surely you'd have said something regarding that sort of animalistic behaviour at the time?

MistAndAWeepingRain · 03/01/2015 12:36

Why are you still friends with someone after 25 years of stealing from you? Genuine question.

grocklebox · 03/01/2015 12:38

He might have weird food issues from his childhood, like he wasn't fed properly and had to steal food, and it became a compulsion?

Original poster
paddy29 · 03/01/2015 12:38

@WooWooOwl Yes that's exactly what happened. I think I probably called him some names but there really is no telling him its as if he cant control it. Also he has no shame.

OP posts:
Oldraver · 03/01/2015 12:43

Yes he is weird, but you dont challenge it so he gets away with it and thinks its ok

Oldraver · 03/01/2015 12:45

Sorry I've just read the bit where you said you have challenged him in the past.

You need to constantly tell him its not on and he has to put it right

AmantesSuntAmentes · 03/01/2015 12:45

I have a friend who can behave similarly. For her, they are food issues related to childhood, when a parent surrounded food (particarly 'desirable items') in negativity and control.

My friend is responsive to discussion though (as far as she can be it's a compulsion) and I do pull her up - not in a 'jokey' or 'name calling' way. If you don't approach it seriously, your friend won't either!

AmantesSuntAmentes · 03/01/2015 12:46

as far as she can be *- it's a compulsion

AmantesSuntAmentes · 03/01/2015 12:47

as far as she can be *- it's a compulsion

BlueBrightBlue · 03/01/2015 12:47

I have a friend who's a bit like this bloke, or at least she used to be.
I think it's a control thing.
We would meet up for a lunch and very often she wouldn't order anything, say she couldn't afford it but would grab handfuls of our food.
On the rare occasions she did have a meal, we used to club together to pay for her, she would scrape the remains off everyone's plate onto hers and wolf it down.
Her mother was permanently on a diet and stick thin and perhaps her behaviour was an act of rebellion or a case of feast or famine.
I would be bloody raging if someone grabbed food off my plate especially if I'd asked them if they wanted to order a take away and they'd declined.