Is my friend really weird(stealing food) or AIBU

[paddy29]

Just wanted some opinions on my friend and his food stealing and whether he is weird or if everyone knows someone similar. Its definitely a bit weird. I've known this guy since we were 4 so there are a million examples i'll give 2 of the most recent ones, he is in the Navy if that makes a difference.

We are out at a movie and I fancy a bit of Chinese food to pick up on way home. So I ask him if he wants anything before I call, 3 times I ask him cause I know what he's like. Doesn't want anything. I order a Chicken Chow Mein and chips. We get back to my bit and I offer him half of it, he says no again. So I put half the food on a plate and go through and sit down. He a few minutes later walks out of loo to where i'm eating and grabs a massive handful of chow mein and chips from my plate, grease dripping everywhere and sits and eats it without saying a word. I was just speechless.

I was helping him with some DIY and after it we came back to mine. My pregnant wife had very kindly made us some dinner so we ate and after we were standing in kitchen whilst I did the dishes. Wife is there as well and he puts a packet of quavers in a bag he carries about. I ask him if he wants some Irn Bru from fridge to take with him as he is driving and cant drink so he takes 4 cans. Later we go to a friends bit who has a new flat and we stop at shop. My friend buys 2 turkish delights and a big packet of skittles. I get some beer and 2 packets of sandwiches as I know the friend with the flat will have no food and wont have had dinner. So we get there and and I give him the sandwiches and we share the beer. Other friend sits and munches his way through his sweets and drinks my irn bru. A couple of hours in I get text from my wife asking if' i'd eaten her Quavers. It turns out he had taken my pregnants wife Quavers from right in front of us both without saying a word, not from a multipack but the only pack she had picked up for herself as at that point in pregnancy it was what she really liked. He knew he was going to shop on way to new flat and he did it anyways. We both wrongly assumed they were his.

I could go on but its too long already, so does everyone know someone similar to this? Almost like stolen food tastes better or something.

I think in your situation, if he can't control it I'd be taking serious steps to ensure he never gets the chance to steal food. Like locking it away if he comes to the house, and not inviting him in if you'd ordered a takeaway and he's said he doesn't want one. Or eating it somewhere where he can't get to it without giving you due warning so you can move it out of his reach.

Sorry I think it rubbish he cant control it.

He is in the navy and there is no way he would get away with this kind of behavior at work

To add, I've found it helpful to clarify for my friend 'this (food item) is for the children tomorrow' or similar. If she knows it's 'claimed' for the dc, it certainly helps her to control her compulsion.

I have to say, she's never grabbed a fistful of food from my plate but I think this is more to do with good manners!

@BlueBrightBlue When he was younger he was heavy and he is a lot thinner now mainly due to never being out of the gym. I thought his eating issues were probably related to that.

Most of the time its not actual stealing its knowing that he will want whatever you have. He sits and watches us eating looking for any sign we might be full, though very rarely would we eat in a restaurant.

Is he obsessed by the gym/body over conscious? Is it a case of 'if I plan to eat food, it's an issue, if I take it off other people it doesn't count?

@foslady I thought this but I wasn't sure if I was just oversimplifying it. That's what its like though.

My DH is a bit like this. I call it "labrador syndrome" - he might not be hungry, he might have just eaten his own meal, I might have offered him something and he's said no - but as soon as I'm eating something, or even our DSs, he has to come over and try and snatch a bite. It's incredibly irritating!

In DH's case, I don't think there are any underlying issues, he is just like a labrador - he sees food that you're enjoying and it triggers some kind of "i'll have some of that too" response;
but in your friend's case, he may well have some kind of issues around food, whereby he's trying to be "strong" and restrict his diet, and thinks he's achieving it by saying "no" to all offers; but then his willpower crumbles in the face of food and he has to sneak some after all.

I have a half brother like this. He's not very close to my dad as he was brought up by his mother but when he has visited in the past he used to help himself to things out the fridge. Even when i lived at home I wouldn't do that.
I had a kit kat he just helped himself to then after asked whos it was, my mum made a trifle one Christmas and shared out half of it between us and when she went to share out the rest the next day found he had eaten it.
I bought everyone a cream egg once and he helped himself to 2. I find food stealing really rude.
He also used to eat 2 bags of crisps at one sitting

Is it a case of calories from someone else's food don't count?

No, that's not socially acceptable.

He must have a whole host of other redeeming features for you to remain friends, his behaviour would drive me up the wall.

Give him one last chance, sit him down and spell it out to him in no uncertain terms that this is unacceptable and if he doesn't stop (or seek help for it) then your friendship is over.