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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ungrateful SIL?

56 replies

hopingforamiracle · 03/01/2015 11:37

I'm so angry. I'm ill and spent all day yesterday (12-10pm) making SIL daughter a cake. the cake was a disaster so I made a slightly different one but still the same theme. SIL has said she's gutted and is demanding pictures of the cake to see what it looks like because her other friend has made a cake which she said she hates. My brother has shouted at me telling me to send photos of the cake and called me mentally retarded. I haven't had time to send photos and don't want to because i know she will turn her nose up at it. I'm going to take the cake to the party today because I spent £30 on ingredients. AIBU?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 03/01/2015 12:15

What Cobain said.

Icimoi · 03/01/2015 12:16

Is she expecting to reject the cake if she decides from the picture that it's not up to standard? For that reason alone I would tell her she takes it as it is or doesn't get it at all.

mommy2ash · 03/01/2015 12:16

they are being horrible but I don't understand if you spent l whole day making a cake why don't you have two seconds to take a picture

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 03/01/2015 12:18

Your brother said that to you?

I honestly think the best way to ensure future family harmony (ie they get to understand that they simply can't treat you like that and get away with it!) is to send a text saying 'Disgusted by your language and attitude towards me. We won't be at the party. The cake is here if you wish to collect it'.

SnowBells · 03/01/2015 12:24

I understand most people's feelings... But taking a picture and sending it takes seconds. Something is not right here...

CakeAndWineAreAFoodGroup · 03/01/2015 13:08

More to this than meets the eye.

I would feel inclined to go and drop it off but not stop the car, just lob the cake out of the window towards the house BUT it is cake which you cannot treat like that.

Stay home, send a photo of you eating the cake.

screamingskull · 03/01/2015 13:15

absolute awful behaviour from your brother and sil, i would take the cake over but stay just long enough for you dn to know you have been and made her cake for her bday as a present.

if they ask you to ever do another tell them to jog on.

greenfolder · 03/01/2015 13:16

Sorry don't understand. You made a cake for dneice. Is it for a party with a particular theme? For example if I had spent time and money on a party for say a 5 year old and someone offered to make a frozen themed cake I would be grateful. If I got a text at 10 pm the night before to say it's a disaster but have made another, I would want a quick pic to reassure myself.

Jodie1982 · 03/01/2015 13:25

OMG....honestly!? I'd throw it in the bin, take a pic n send her it and obviously not attend her poxy party. What a rude Bitch!

PhaedraIsMyName · 03/01/2015 13:29

I really want more information here.

LadyLuck10 · 03/01/2015 13:38

Exactly greenfolder. The op is acting very shady regarding not taking a minute to send the picture yet spent 10 hours making it. I can't believe that anyone here would not want to know how their child's birthday cake turns out especially if the first one didn't pan out. It's also very odd that op is more upset with her SIL when it's her brother who called her those names Hmm

Nomama · 03/01/2015 13:41

Ooh! Yes, OP is probably wanted by Interpol and dare not send a photo in case they notice her phone being used and, recognising her cake making skills, swoop upon her and carry her away!

Groovester · 03/01/2015 13:44

They sound awful. Dreadful behaviour. The fact is that OP has made a cake in the same theme as the original. That should be satisfactory enough for anyone to accept. I'd be tempted to send a photo of myself eating a massive slab of it. Ungrateful wretches!

Annietheacrobat · 03/01/2015 13:45

Don't take the germy cake. Rest up and recuperate.

PhaedraIsMyName · 03/01/2015 13:46

The sil and brother sound awful but I don't think we've got the full story. I'm intrigued by the rejection of the friend's cake.

newyearsresolutionsnotforme · 03/01/2015 13:52

I can understand she wants reassuring, that's not ungrateful- she's probably busy and panicking. Your brother s an ungrateful rude shit though. Yelling at you, calling you that, he's the problem and I'd tell him where to go. Send SIL a photo, ignore brother, take cake over and stay if you want but demand an apology from your brother.

helenthemadex · 03/01/2015 13:52

your brother sounds a right arsehole charmer and you should certainly say something to him about his rudeness and disgusting name calling, as for SIL if she demanded photos and was rude that is unacceptable, but knowing how stressful kids parties are if you are expecting a cake that someone has offered to make for you and they say it is a disaster its not to totally unreasonable to ask for a picture (politely!) to see if you need to rush out and buy a suitable one, gift or not!

SnowBells · 03/01/2015 13:54

This all depends though on what the agreement was. There are some people who think they are great bakers, and "offer" to bake THE birthday cake as a present, but truly, they are not good at it at all. Unless you've baked quite a few cakes, for example, there's no way you can create a good "topsy turvy cake" for example, but there are people who think they can. Many people can't say no (I would politely decline), but really, for a child, a birthday cake is something special - not just something to be eaten, but something to look at. Not many mums would like to serve a crumbling mess.

I bake cakes from time to time. Normally, they tend to be very good. But I would never offer to bake a child's birthday cake that isn't my own. At least, if I was baking it for my child, and something went horribly wrong, I could go out and buy one as a last resort.

The OP's SiL is not even given the opportunity to see whether the cake went badly or not!! She probably just wants to see whether she has to do a mad dash to the shop, and combined with birthday party stress, it is perfectly reasonable to want to see a picture.

This thread takes that saying "do not look a gifted horse in the mouth" quite literally. Anyone who knows anything about horses will tell you otherwise...

Just looking at it from another perspective... Smile

2minsofyourtime · 03/01/2015 13:57

I think yabu, you db and sil just want to see what it looks like before dn's party- why is that so bad.

The callin name is rude and shouldn't be ignored.

But why won't you send a picture? Honestly you told then it looks bad and you refuse to send a picture so they can judge for themselves. Honestly if I was sil I'd ve quite annoyed.

MaryWestmacott · 03/01/2015 14:08

Why wouldn't you send her a picture? Just send it.

hoobypickypicky · 03/01/2015 14:12

Re-ice the cake with the words "Kiss My Arse, Knobjockey" on it, photograph it and send it to the lovely couple.

ghostspirit · 03/01/2015 14:30

eat the cake Cake

nunkspugget · 03/01/2015 14:38

Omg, get a photo off the internet of the most amazing cake possible, send it to sil.....then tell her to go swivel and say you're eating it right now!!!
Then obviously report the fall out to us.

Original poster
hopingforamiracle · 03/01/2015 15:09

The first cake I made broke in half, sometimes that happens which can't really be helped. the second cake I made i discussed it with her and she was happy with the new design. I've made her and others cakes before and I'm a perfectionist and would never give a cake that was shit.

I didn't send a pic because I was worried she'd tell me not to bring it if she didn't like it, so decided to just turn up with it. I just gave it to her and she was relieved, said it was a lot better than she expected and just text me again to say she was really happy with it.

OP posts:
PhaedraIsMyName · 03/01/2015 15:11

They have behaved very ungraciously.