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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be cross at sulky husband?

27 replies

ilovelamp2 · 02/01/2015 23:43

So after a lovely Christmas and New Year DH is back to his usual grumpy self. To cut a long story short, his job is under threat in a few years time and he is not really trained for much else. I haven't nagged or winged about imminent pay cut or anything. I have been supportive and tried to give him space to think what he might do next. Tonight, I heard an advert on the radio for a company near us who is recruiting. Just remembered about it now and so had a quick look on internet. That job didn't come up but I saw a couple of possible ideas and read them out to him. His reaction was to be angry with me - why am I looking at this now- it's Friday night type and so on. I asked him why he was being so defensive and he just stormed off upstairs snapping that he was tired. I feel really upset that he has ended the night like this and cross that he finds me so irritating (and perhaps a little pre-menstrual and tears as Christmas is over!). Tell me to pull myself together and stop over - reacting or ignore him and finish the cheese and the wine Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
ilovelamp2 · 02/01/2015 23:45

Just spotted lack of paragraphs - sorry. I must be really cross!

OP posts:
PourMyselfACupOfAmbition · 02/01/2015 23:45

Stop over reacting and finish the cheese and wine"

Original poster
ilovelamp2 · 02/01/2015 23:47

Right. Wine poured. Cheese and crackers on their way!

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BarbarianMum · 02/01/2015 23:47

Eat the cheese and drink the wine. Don't mention work after 6pm on a Friday.

Original poster
ilovelamp2 · 02/01/2015 23:51

Fair enough Barbarian. I guess I'm back to work on Monday too and my brain has kind of 'switched back' already. I really do just want him to be happy - it must be awful to hate being at work. It was his first day back to day and he looked awful when he came in.

He is doing that bloody dry January thing too - that's where we've gone wrong tonight then! No wine!

OP posts:
GoringBit · 02/01/2015 23:51

You're trying to be helpful, supportive and encouraging. He's (probably deliberately) failed to take it in the way it was intended. He is BU.

ilovesooty · 02/01/2015 23:54

If I knew my career was under threat I wouldn't want to be reminded about it when I got home from work on Friday.

Original poster
ilovelamp2 · 02/01/2015 23:54

Thanks Goring - that was certainly my intention. Perhaps he is a bit meh after all of the festivities are over. I would go up and ask him but I know he'll just say "I'm fine - nothing's wrong" and then I'll cry. Besides, I have Brie and caramelised onion chutney now ...

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BarbarianMum · 02/01/2015 23:55

Goring her dh is set to loose his job in a few years time. The wolf is neither at the door or salivating in the yard so no need for Friday night stressing. I'm due to loose my job in July and I'm still not at the point of job hunting in the evenings.

Original poster
ilovelamp2 · 02/01/2015 23:58

Perhaps not Ilove but if we had found an advert for a great job then surely it would be best to apply at the weekend when we're not running about next week. I think I have timed it wrong but he could have just said "Thanks that sounds interesting but do you mind if we have a look tomorrow because I am having such a lovely time with you tonight my darling ilovelamp2 - let's crack open the lat bottle of prosecco..."

OP posts:
GoringBit · 03/01/2015 00:00

I'd avoid the checking chat, but later in the weekend, or Monday evening, maybe ask what help - if any - he wants from you.

I had a job which I hated, and yes, it affected my mood at home also, but I tried not to take it out on DP. Your DH owes you that consideration - and you deserve better treatment than this.

For now, have cheese, chutney, sleep and a fresh start to the weekend tomorrow.

GoringBit · 03/01/2015 00:01

I know Barbarian, but why couldn't he have pointed that out in a reasonable, non-confrontational way? It just seems rather U to me.

Original poster
ilovelamp2 · 03/01/2015 00:02

Sorry to hear that Barbarian. Good luck with your job hunt too. I am not stressing though! I do not do stress. Busy, pro-active and efficient, yes, stressing no! He does hate his job though. They have changed his job title, description, everything. Even on NYE he was saying how much he just wants to get out of there. But you're right - we do have time before disaster strikes.

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Tinks42 · 03/01/2015 00:03

DH is back to his usual grumpy self

If that's the case, I'd be prosecco'd up permanently.

I can't abide grumpy men.

Original poster
ilovelamp2 · 03/01/2015 00:04

Thank you Goring. I think that is a plan!

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ilovesooty · 03/01/2015 00:07

He sounds really worried and unhappy, which isn't quite the same as grumpy. I think if work is making you miserable it's difficult to step outside that - particularly with someone "busy, proactive and efficient".

Original poster
ilovelamp2 · 03/01/2015 00:09

Cheers Tinks Wine I am not abiding him tonight! Why can't people just say what they feel but in a pleasant and calm manner? I am not apologising either - he can apologise for being grumpy in front of the Christmas tree

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Tinks42 · 03/01/2015 00:10

A job under threat in a "few years time" hardly warrants someone being back to their "grumpy" self.

Did you mean few months OP?

Original poster
ilovelamp2 · 03/01/2015 00:15

You're right Sooty. He is miserable and unhappy. I know that. Is it okay to be rude and unpleasant though? And then sulk in bed so that no reconciliation can be made until morning. Those three words don't define me - although I can see that that I may have come off as a little smug there. I'm really not. In fact, quite the opposite, I have been really careful not to take over or pressurise him but at the end of the day, no one is going to knock on our door and offer him the dream job - we need to find it and he has actually asked for my help with this. What I am upset about (but less and less as I calm down!) is the way he spoke to me.

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Original poster
ilovelamp2 · 03/01/2015 00:24

No Tinks, bizarrely, we could have this hanging over us for 2 and a half years as that is when the post will cease to exist. Great. I am going to sleep now and will hopefully be in a happier house by tomorrow.

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Tinks42 · 03/01/2015 00:29

I dont get it then.

His job will be over in 2 and a half years and he's grumpy about it?

I suggest he may just be an arse?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 03/01/2015 00:31

Surely he would want to leave before that though? Or maybe plan to retrain or something?

Why wait for the axe to fall if you can be proactive and start in a new direction sooner, and then in 2.5 years time he's settled somewhere new, hopefully better prospects, more money etc. Life is too short.

ilovesooty · 03/01/2015 00:44

His job is under threat in the next couple of years but the OP has said he is already very unhappy where he is. It must also feel disempowering not only to have changes imposed on you but not be trained for anything else. Obviously he has to address this but he sounds very unhappy right now.
Hope tomorrow brings an improvement in the atmosphere OP.

Tinks42 · 03/01/2015 00:53

so the op has to put up with 2 odd years of her partner being grumpy

really?

hes already been grumpy for probably the last few.

ok then

paperlace · 03/01/2015 08:52

YWBU to bring it up on a Friday evening, especially when he and the whole nation are fighting the creeping January blues.

YANBU to feel despairing at his continual sulking and bad moods - possible for the next 2.5 years!!!!! Have a good talk about this in a few days time, he's being unfair and needs to adjust his attitude. Tell him you can't live like that, life is short, look at the bloody positives.