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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIB Ungrateful re lift?

27 replies

JennyBlueWren · 01/01/2015 10:19

I don't drive but get about with public transport and until recently cycled everywhere but I'm now too pregnant to fit on my bike.
Planning to meet up with friends tomorrow and when discussing where and when a friend put up that we'd go to her house and she'd pick me up. That means she's driving out to my town, picking me up and taking me back again. I pointed out that I could just get the bus but she's insisted.

I don't mind them offering me a lift but I don't like that she just announced it as part of the arrangements without discussing it with me first.

Also I don't like the idea that they feel I can't meet up without them giving me lifts -this happened with another friend last week too. When I was cycling there wasn't much problem but now it's as though I'm stuck in the house without their help -which I'm not! We have a very good public transport system despite being so rural. I don't want to be a charity case.

So am I being ungrateful? Am I overreading how they perceive me?

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 01/01/2015 10:21

Yabu they are thinking about your well being. Does being pg make you feel vulnerable so you are fiercely proving otherwise?

Tobeemoree · 01/01/2015 10:23

I'd take it as a kindness to a very pregnant friend, probably after questioning it to make sure it wasn't too much for them.

Kudos to you for cycling until now, though. I could barely muster the energy to roll out of bed at that stage ;)

diddlediddledumpling · 01/01/2015 10:24

how lovely!
I know what you mean about not being asked, but I think I'd try to take it in the spirit it was intended. enjoy a chat with your friend in the comfort and warmth of her car.

greeneggsandjam · 01/01/2015 10:25

Maybe just be thankful that they are thinking of you and trying to be helpful, better than having no friends to offer in the first place? Its winter, its cold and dark. Maybe if it was Spring/Summer they wouldn't have thought of it so quickly?

paddlenorapaddle · 01/01/2015 10:30

Yes you are the right response is thanks for thinking of me. Underestimating the value of good and true friendships seems such a shame.

The real question is perhaps why you find it so hard to accept genuine kindnesses.

Bunbaker · 01/01/2015 10:32

It is very churlish to throw kindness back in the faces of people who want to help you. If you don't want to feel that you owe your friends something why not buy a bunch if flowers or bottle of wine as a thank you.

Mammanat222 · 01/01/2015 10:32

Wow. I'd chill out a bit.

I had a friend come and collect me and DS recently despite me being able to walk or get the bus.... and she sorted out a carseat (ours had been in a prang)

It was a lovely act of kindness as I'm 8 months pregnant / working still / struggling with a lively toddler.

WeAreEternal · 01/01/2015 10:36

They are your friends, they know you are too pregnant to cycle any more so are trying to be nice and make your life easier.

If you don't want a lift then just say so but I think YABU to be annoyed with your friends for trying to be nice and help.

houseofstark · 01/01/2015 10:52

Your friend sounds very kind. But if you really want to assert your independence - which I think is the issue - you could always say you're out somewhere else first so you'll make your own way there but a lift home would be great. Or vice versa.

christmaspies · 01/01/2015 10:56

Sounds as if you have some lovely friends

Icimoi · 01/01/2015 10:58

What is there to discuss? Would you really prefer to stand at the bus stop in the cold waiting for the bus to turn up?

GingerbreadPudding · 01/01/2015 10:58

Yup. You're being ungrateful. Announcing it as 'part of the plans' is a nice way of doing it rather than asking you if you need a lift and putting you in a position to have to ask. It won't be forever, let your friends love you.

MinceSpy · 01/01/2015 11:00

YABVU but pregnancy does that. You are heavily pregnant and your friends are being kind and thoughtful not treating you as a charity case. Accept the lift in the spirit it was offered.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 01/01/2015 11:00

Your friends sound lovely for considering your welfare

Fanfeckintastic · 01/01/2015 11:01

They're just being nice.
I'm confused about your feelings about them "announcing it", it's a lift not a shoe box appeal.

IAmAllImportant · 01/01/2015 11:06

Not sure about the too pregnant to fit on a bike, tbh!

I cycled to my last MW appointment on the Thursday. She said the head was engaged, DD was born on the Monday! Grin

I found it a lot easier to cycle than to waddle walk!

Your friends are just being kind, so not a bad thing!

PunkrockerGirl · 01/01/2015 11:07

I think you're overthinking this. Your friends have made a kind gesture bearing in mind that you're heavily pregnant. Accept graciously I'd say. Don't risk offending them, you never know when you may be glad of their help after the baby's born.

Mynewnamenotyours · 01/01/2015 11:08

Yes, you are being ungrateful. They are just being kind to a pregnant friend, get a grip and appreciate their thoughtfulness.

FunkyBoldRibena · 01/01/2015 11:09

What would you expect a 'friend' to do exactly? Any pregnant friend of mine would be offered a lift to mine if they didn't drive, indeed probably if they did drive!

Relax and let them do nice things for you.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/01/2015 11:12

Just accept it, they're only being nice.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/01/2015 11:18

Yes chill out, it sounds as though you have nice thoughtful friends.

youarekiddingme · 01/01/2015 11:20

Is it because when you've made your own way you get to chose when you arrive and probably more likely when you leave? Do you feel,trapped this way to other peoples timings?

I ask because I use to walk/use public transport - well tbh more often than not my friends would offer lifts which I took kindly. However since I've had my own car I've realised I enjoy visiting much more because I get to leave at the point I think I've had enough.

MissHJ · 01/01/2015 11:24

Oh that's so nice for your friend to do that and offer a lift. I think you are reading far too much into it. Sounds as if you have some good friends there.

KnackeredMerrily · 01/01/2015 11:26

What lovely friends Flowers

Roussette · 01/01/2015 11:26

Yes.
(that's in answer to your question, am I being ungrateful.)

Cancel the lift and martyr yourself and get wet and cold at the bus stop instead, if you feel like a charity case!