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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to hate going to places and events I can not leave easily?

37 replies

mickeyfartpants · 31/12/2014 15:42

Like places far away or if you are getting a lift home and have to wait for the driver (which I am really grateful for) or places/events where you are obliged to stay. NYE for example, if you leave before 12 you are a party pooper. The pressure of having to stay out till 12 tonight makes me feel loathe to go out!

I often find myself saying no to going places if I feel I am going to be held "hostage" ie a friends wedding last year where we had to stay because she cried that if I left early the day would be ruined.

Is this a type of social anxiety or do others feel the same?

OP posts:

woowoo22 · 31/12/2014 15:43

YANBU

How early are we talking re the wedding?

MrsTawdry · 31/12/2014 15:44

YANBU. I hate it too!

Original poster

mickeyfartpants · 31/12/2014 15:45

Which I know isn't that late but we would rather have gone home just an hour earlier. Certainly not an amount of time that would ruin anyones day! I didn't mind that much but that hostage feeling was definitely creeping in!

OP posts:

FunkyBoldRibena · 31/12/2014 15:46

she cried that if I left early the day would be ruined.

Somebody needed to get over themselves!

Original poster

mickeyfartpants · 31/12/2014 15:46

Oh to be clear, we did go to the wedding!

OP posts:

Innocuoususername · 31/12/2014 15:50

YANBU. I always like to have an escape plan. I hate boat parties for this reason. If it's shit you're stuck on the Thames until you dock at midnight.

This is why I'm glad I'm too old for that kind of thing anymore.

Bunbaker · 31/12/2014 15:52

This is why I often drive rather than rely on taxis or public transport. I hate the feeling of being trapped, so I would rather not drink and take the car, so I can leave whenever I want to.

Vinomcstephens · 31/12/2014 15:55

Oh I'm so glad to have seen this and to know it's not just me and my husband! People still think we're the life and soul of every party but that's only cos we've started faking it till we (mostly) make it

I put it down to increasing age - either that or I really have become boring... Luckily the lurgy has taken over our household so we've had to cry off attending either of the party's we were invited to - we're making out we're sad to be staying at home but tonight will be spent lounging on the sofas, eating chocolate and probably falling asleep by 10pm - no exit strategy required!

UsedtobeFeckless · 31/12/2014 16:04

Blimey Mickey, are you my long-lost twin?

Our night out just went poof due to a lurgied babysitter and we're both well chuffed ( Sad gits that we are ... ) Nice fire, wine, chocolate and a whole shed load of new Ripper Street to watch - Bliss!

ihatethecold · 31/12/2014 16:21

I really hate having to quietly leave a party or event cos i just want to go home and i have to justify it to everyone.

for example, I left my xmas party at 9pm and drove home, i
only said goodbye to the people i was sitting with.
if I'd mentioned it to everyone I would have got a hard time for wanting to leave early. I'm an adult, I can leave when it suits me.

Sparklingbrook · 31/12/2014 16:28

I have to be able to know I can leave whenever I like. For the same reason I prefer to visit other people than for them to visit me. So I know when I can leave.

I do have people visit me though, and they don't seem that keen on leaving.

I couldn't do a car share for work. I would feel all trapped.

ShesAnEasyWuffer · 31/12/2014 16:30

YANBU! I'm exactly the same. I always need an escape plan. I get anxious occasionally in social situations (and used to have panic attacks in the past) so I need to be able to leg it ASAP if necessary!

Gawjushun · 31/12/2014 16:39

My friend had her 21st on a boat on the Thames. I'm not usually socially anxious, but the feeling of not being able to leave was overwhelming. The food was shit, and a lot of people turned up already steaming drunk, so there was vomiting overboard. I would never go to one of those parties again.

Original poster

mickeyfartpants · 31/12/2014 16:45

Ihatethecold, that's exactly it! You feel you have to sneak out to avoid interrogation and that's why if ever someone says to me that they are off, I just say Ok! Lovely to have seen you! And that's it.

Often I get to places and find I'm happy to stay... But if I'm not I want to know I can freely leave without hearing "oh but it's so early" line.

OP posts:

Original poster

mickeyfartpants · 31/12/2014 16:47

Gawjushun, I would never go on a cruise for that reason. Sounds like Alcatraz.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 31/12/2014 16:47

Plane travel is not good. The loss of control and inability to get out NOW!

WeeBoobs · 31/12/2014 16:55

Wow, it's like you are me! YANBU!

I suffer from anxiety and ended up breaking down in tears to various colleagues at our work Christmas do because I missed the midnight taxi and had to wait until 12.45 to leave.

I finished off the night vomiting into the bin in the baby-changing cubicle due to an anxiety-induced migraine .

Luckily all of my colleagues were so drunk that no one really remembered the next day

FlowerFairy2014 · 31/12/2014 16:56

We left my daughter's wedding after the food and speeches. You just need to have confidence. If you need your sleep go. I don't see why people have problems with this kind of thing. Saying no is the easiest thing in the world. Why do some people need the approval of others so much? Let it just be water off a duck's back.

CalicoBlue · 31/12/2014 17:02

MY Dh is just like this, he hates not being able to leave a party when he wants to, in fact he hates going to parties.

Our compromise is that if he wants to go and I want to stay, as long as it is walking distance then I stay. Our friends know he is not very sociable and do not mind. If it is further away then I leave when he wants to.

He has been known to go to bed when people have been over for dinner. I don't mind, I would rather that than he be miserable.

woowoo22 · 31/12/2014 17:28

12!!! Your friend is a knobber.

Original poster

mickeyfartpants · 31/12/2014 17:46

I don't bow to the peer pressure flowerfairy (except at my friends wedding because that was one tense day!) but I still hate listening to people try and persuade you to stay or calling you a party pooper because you just like to sleep.

My friends tonight will understand because they know me, and I might stick around, who knows. But still, there shouldn't ever be pressure on anyone to stay at something they don't want to, and I have certainly felt that.

OP posts:

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 31/12/2014 17:49

sparklingbrook Are you my twin?

I too prefer to visit other folk so when I've had enough I can leave. So glad it's not just me.

Me and Dh once went to a very very boring...well I can't even call it a party. Gathering, shall we say, on new years Eve. Ohhhhhhh god it awful!!! Of course we couldn't leave before midnight, there were only 5 couples there too and I had hoped we'd leave around 12.30 but no we didn't, We stayed till 3am. To this day I don't know why but to make up for it we went out all day the next day to make up for it.

hiccupgirl · 31/12/2014 17:54

This is me too. I always drive to nights out so I can leave when I want to. It's no loss as I don't drink anyway and I hate the idea of having to wait for a taxi.

I have def got more anxious about not being able to leave places easily as I've got older.

HippyPottyMouth · 31/12/2014 18:00

YANBU! I went on a hen weekend on a boat while pregnant. It was miserable. I couldn't join in with half the activities, I couldn't sleep until they stopped enjoying themselves (they weren't unreasonable, it was just a very confined space) and my car was miles away. I'd booked and paid before I knew I was pg, otherwise I wouldn't have gone.

GokTwo · 31/12/2014 18:02

A similar thing happened at my wedding Flower Fairy, my dad left early to attend another party and then both my brothers left early and missed the entire evening reception. I was really put out but since I love them I chose not to make a fuss. Privately though I felt very let down. I wouldn't have dreamt of leaving half way through their weddings.

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