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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that I've had no time to do anything over christmas?

75 replies

Whowillsaveyoursoul · 31/12/2014 08:32

This christmas I have had literally zero time to do anything without ds (5). Usually dh takes him to pil on a Sunday but ds was ill the first Sunday of the holidays and dh was ill the second Sunday of the holidays so he didn't take him.

Dh in contrast has played four full days of golf since ds broke up. Four. I'm desperate to go and get myself some new shoes and a few work clothes before going back on Monday so thought I'd go this Sunday when dh goes to pil. Arranged to meet friend too. Then yesterday dh announces we are going out for lunch with mil on Sunday and he wants to take her out for the day too.
So I've had to cancel my plans and won't have any chance to go and get my shoes etc. oh and dh off again today to do golf.

Aibu to be pissed off? I love having ds with me but he won't tolerate me going round the shops! I only wanted half a day. It shouldn't be too much to ask should it?

OP posts:

slightlyworriednc · 31/12/2014 09:38

He's a dickhead. You need to grow a pair, though, because you're encouraging it.

Snapespotions · 31/12/2014 09:39

OP, he treats you like this because you allow him to do so. Don't put up with it.

He can't force you to go to the lunch on Sunday. What would happen if you simply said that you had other plans and couldn't go? Are you afraid of his reaction?

LiegeAndLief · 31/12/2014 09:43

I'm with funkyboldribena. Clearly we have all misunderstood and this man is not ds's father. I'm struggling to imagine a father who cannot look after his own child when ill, take a 5yo to a party or look after his own son for more than an hour without going to his mother's.

Humansatnav · 31/12/2014 09:45

Why do you put up with this wankerish behavior?

WipsGlitter · 31/12/2014 09:51

The "he can't be the bio father" posts are not helpful.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 31/12/2014 09:53

Well from reading your last post you know exactly what your DH is like and clearly you are going to continue to accept and facilitate his selfish behaviour.

So I guess you won't be making an opportunity for your shopping trip.

Hope you feel a bit better after having a moan on here about it though.

mrssnodge · 31/12/2014 09:54

My ExH used to put golf before everything- note hes EX!!

greeneggsandjam · 31/12/2014 09:54

Whatever happens, don't go for the dinner. Even if you have to bribe your son with a trip to the cinema/his choice of food out while you do your shopping or something like that. I don't think I would be doing anything with him or for him again if that's his attitude.

pictish · 31/12/2014 10:01

Well the dynamic needs to change in your house!

"he did offer to have ds for an hour" - well that was big of him. How generous of the King.

Ffs tell him you're going for shoes and he can either cancel golf or take ds along with him. Just like you do.

He is not more important than you...it is high time you both stop conducting your lives as though he is.

LiegeAndLief · 31/12/2014 10:05

Well he might have biologically fathered the child but it's pretty accurate to say he is not acting as a father.

pictish · 31/12/2014 10:23

Also disturbed by the fact that he will make days of golf a top priority, but would not stir himself to take his 5 yr old son to a party.
This is a selfish man indeed.
The selfish King.

Only1scoop · 31/12/2014 10:25

You actually sound like the nanny trying to get an extra hour off

Theboodythatrocked · 31/12/2014 10:28

Not a great lesson on marriage and how to treat women to show your son.

Poor you op. You have your work cut out with that one.

Pipbin · 31/12/2014 13:36

Have you spoken to him OP?

MrsTawdry · 31/12/2014 13:38

He's 5 and unless he has special needs he "won't tolerate" going round the shops is just normal for many people! I have to take my DC everywhere I go and wouldn't dream of not getting what I needed because the DC were with me!

Only1scoop · 31/12/2014 13:41

Don't shop with the 5yo....

He'd much rather run around the golf course with his dad I'm sure....

pictish · 31/12/2014 14:01

As an asides (because I don't think it's the solution here) my kids just have to tolerate going round the shops with me. And I expect them to behave while I do so as well. Fancy!

Original poster

Whowillsaveyoursoul · 31/12/2014 19:34

Yeah but it isn't relaxing taking a 5 year old clothes and shoe shopping. I could take him but life would be much easier if I could go on my own and I'd be faster as well! I can't try stuff on and look at stuff at a leisurely pace with my 5 year old. Maybe others will, mine won't.

I didn't speak to dh but it's academic as have started to be sick again. Oh goody. That's the second sickness bug in two weeks.

OP posts:

morethanpotatoprints · 31/12/2014 19:40

Unless he is a professional golfer he should be at home parenting like you are.
Does he not value family time or time on his own with your ds?
I find men who do this sort of thing very strange but each to their own, I guess.
You need to tell him the golf has to go or he'll always put it before his family.
Maybe show him this thread, he is being vvvvvv unreasonable.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 31/12/2014 19:49

Gosh it's annoying when someone complains about behaviour that they are themselves facilitating - and they clearly don't have any intention of changing the situation.

Sort it out OP!

HaroldLloyd · 31/12/2014 19:51

Why are you putting up with this shite?

wobblyweebles · 31/12/2014 20:06

No it isn't relaxing taking a 5yo shopping, which is why he should be with your husband, whether he's playing golf or not.

Only1scoop · 31/12/2014 20:23

No way should you have to be shopping with dc when your DH can miss one round of bloody golf....

He sounds extremely selfish....op start new year as you mean to go on.

grocklebox · 31/12/2014 20:30

Yabu. You had no time because you act like a doormat and let people walk all over you. No sympathy for you, you husband acts like a selfish twat because you let him. Woman up or stop whining.

catsmother · 01/01/2015 11:30

I wish I could wave a magic wand for you and sort this, but none of us can and the only way things'll change is if you make it happen.

I understand shopping with small kids isn't always fun - for either of you - though we've all done it. That kind of misses the point though as you shouldn't have to.

What are you scared of if you put your foot down and insist on a fairer division of parental responsibility vs individual leisure time ?

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