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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that I've had no time to do anything over christmas?

75 replies

Whowillsaveyoursoul · 31/12/2014 08:32

This christmas I have had literally zero time to do anything without ds (5). Usually dh takes him to pil on a Sunday but ds was ill the first Sunday of the holidays and dh was ill the second Sunday of the holidays so he didn't take him.

Dh in contrast has played four full days of golf since ds broke up. Four. I'm desperate to go and get myself some new shoes and a few work clothes before going back on Monday so thought I'd go this Sunday when dh goes to pil. Arranged to meet friend too. Then yesterday dh announces we are going out for lunch with mil on Sunday and he wants to take her out for the day too.
So I've had to cancel my plans and won't have any chance to go and get my shoes etc. oh and dh off again today to do golf.

Aibu to be pissed off? I love having ds with me but he won't tolerate me going round the shops! I only wanted half a day. It shouldn't be too much to ask should it?

OP posts:
FrozenAteMyDaughter · 31/12/2014 08:59

And btw, why does ds having a party stop your plans next Sunday? Can't Dh take him to the party?

lavenderhoney · 31/12/2014 09:00

Can't he take his dm out with your ds and you go and do your shopping? Just say " oh, I can't make it"

He can't make plans for you and spring them on you like that. You can't plan things and have no idea what's going on! Works for you too though- you say " this weekend I have to do x yz. What are your plans?"

Tell him to put his golf days in the calender and 4 days over christmas playing golf! Doesn't he want to spend time with you and your ds?! Did he cook dinner when he got home? He sounds like a lodger tbh.

angelohsodelight · 31/12/2014 09:00

Stand up for yourself for goodness sake. Your dog is a selfish twat. Let him go to mil with dc and you go shopping.

Theboodythatrocked · 31/12/2014 09:04

Is your dog selfish too? Grin

Tell him to shove his golf club up his selfish arse and tell him when you are going out.

Why are you such a push over? Why is he playing a sport that takes hours when he has a family?

Inertia · 31/12/2014 09:05

Yanbu to be annoyed, but yabu to just put up with it. You have plans, DH can take Ds. And frankly I would be having words about all the golf too. Stop being a martyr about it and take action.

Delatron · 31/12/2014 09:13

5 days playing golf? Ridiculous! You should both get equal amounts of time off. Just tell him to see MIL alone on Sunday as you have plans. Reiterate how much time he has had off and TELL him what will be happening, don't ask. He clearly doesn't run his plans by you?

In the future, he gets a day of golf, you get a day off. In equal measures. If you allow him to get away with this he will continue as he is...

greeneggsandjam · 31/12/2014 09:16

You don't change your plan. You go and announce that you are sticking to what you have already planned as its your last day, and he goes for dinner with your son and his mum and they all go out for the rest of the day. Easy.

Ubik1 · 31/12/2014 09:18

You need a calendar.

The rule is that whoever gets their activity on the calendar first is the winner.

Works in our house

ILovePud · 31/12/2014 09:21

Why does he get so much time to pursue his own interests and you get none? This needs renegotiating.

Original poster
Whowillsaveyoursoul · 31/12/2014 09:21

My plans were in first for Sunday. Mil only mentioned to dh yesterday. However whatever mil wants mil gets.
Dh won't change. He's always been like this. There's no way he will take ds to the party. If I go shopping that day and don't take ds myself dh will just take ds to pil and ds will miss out on the party. He did offer to have ds for an hour for me on Friday morning before we go out but an hour is no good to me - it takes half an hour to get to the shopping centre.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 31/12/2014 09:22

Yep, stop being a martyr and go out.

Your son is getting a good peek at gender equality in your house isn't he?

Theorientcalf · 31/12/2014 09:23

Tell him to cancel golf! Why does his leisure activities get priority over yours? Why are you not speaking up?

Pagwatch · 31/12/2014 09:23

He "offered to have DS for an hour for me"

What the fuck?

Only1scoop · 31/12/2014 09:25

Yabu unreasonable....

To put up with this utter crap....

For goodness sake just go out and have a nice time shopping.

LiegeAndLief · 31/12/2014 09:27

Well, in that case I don't know what to say, except that you have clearly married a twat. Apparently in full knowledge that he's a twat, if he's always been like this.

Only1scoop · 31/12/2014 09:28

"Offered to have ds for an hour for" YOUShock!!

Blimey I can't believe some how some families live.

WipsGlitter · 31/12/2014 09:28

Blimey.

Can't you go before the golf on Saturday.

If you're both off at the minute can you not just get up one morning and go out? I did that on Monday.

How old us DS? DP would also hate doing a party run but unless you force them too then he will never do any of it. I do the vast majority of child running and arranging but DP will do it if I need to do something else.

catsmother · 31/12/2014 09:29

Wow.

Why the fuck does he think he's an Emperor or something - all this 'won't change' crap. If he wanted to do what he wants, whenever he wants, without considering anyone else he should have remained single, never mind had a child.

You do realise that this sort of attitude means you're thought of as little more than a household appliance - there to make life easy for him.

As for MIL getting what she wants - well there you are, sounds like he was raised in a household where selfishness was the order of the day and other people's needs and wants can go to hell. Apple not falling far from tree etc.

This is a bigger problem than allocation of Xmas holiday time and responsibilities - though I understand your frustration over this particular occasion. As everyone else has said though - stuff MIL over Sunday - you offer your apologies but explain you already had plans which can't be put off.

And then you need to think long and hard about the long term IMO - you can't live with this level of entitlement and selfishness forever.

Finola1step · 31/12/2014 09:31

These are the words you need to say. "On Sunday, I'm going into town as planned. I'll be leaving at ? O'clock. So you will be on shift with ds from then. Not sure what time I'll be back but you and ds will be with your parents anyway".

Say it. Leave it. Buy a calendar while you are out. Then block out time on Sundays for the next 2 months.

NutcrackerFairy · 31/12/2014 09:32

I am also thinking WTF!

You need to make a stand now woman because your DH is walking all over you.

And that is actually really sad that he prioritises 5 days of golf for himself but no way will he take his DS to a birthday party Sad

I think the two of you need to have a proper serious chat about this issue because it is really not working for your or your DS. At the moment your DH is being very very selfish.

FunkyBoldRibena · 31/12/2014 09:34

Oh - I didn't realise he wasn't the child's dad.

Pipbin · 31/12/2014 09:35

He'll 'have ds for you'. He does understand this is his own child? It's not like you are asking a friend to babysit.

WhereYouLeftIt · 31/12/2014 09:35

FFS, TELL him that since he has made it impossible to do your neccessary shopping at the time you had planned, that the only time you can now do it is Saturday. Fuck his golf!

MorrisZapp · 31/12/2014 09:37

No no no no no. This is totally unreasonable. My dp is a golf obsessive too, but we have a solid agreement whereby time spent at leisure by either of us is roughly 'repaid' back.

Today I'll be shopping pretty much all day. Tomorrow we'll be with family. Day after that, dp will play golf.

What is your general approach to sharing childcare?

WhereYouLeftIt · 31/12/2014 09:38

And stop cancelling your plans! Never again!

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