To think this is a rude thing to have said to a guest?

[PalominoPony]

DH and I were staying at my PiL's over Christmas. I don't particularly get on with them (I have always had the impression that they rather disapprove of me as my family is not nearly as smart as theirs) but on the surface we have always rubbed along fine.

On Boxing Day, I came downstairs before dinner to join DH, PiL and SiLs in the sitting room. FiL was getting champagne for everyone and offered me a glass. I said no and he said something along the lines of, "Oh that's a shame but mind you, I think it's fair to say you did have one or two glasses yesterday". He said it in a sort of jokey way and the others sort of laughed awkwardly, but it was pretty awkward and it made me feel awful. I did have a few drinks on Christmas Day - maybe five glasses of champagne/wine or something - and I was tipsy but certainly not staggering around or anything - managed perfectly well helping with the cooking and looking after my DC and nieces and nephews and talking to various guests, etc.

I laughed it off and left the room but was really upset. AIBU to think it was a mean thing to say? We don't have a jokey relationship at all so I don't think it was just "banter" or anything. Or am I being overly sensitive?

Sorry unhelpful but reading this makes my family look so normal. We have a BIL who is pretty stroppy & disagreeable. We just leave him to get on with it & don't get drawn into arguements. If he sits playing with his phone or reading at a meal time we just ignore it so we can enjoy spending time with my sis & her kids.
If every issue became an argument we'd become one of those families where no one talks to each other for years etc. In the end you have to decide what is more important - sticking up for your principles and telling someone they are rude, or having a relationship with your relative. It's only worth doing the former if there is a realistic chance of them changing their behavior.

I can see why you might have taken the comment badly.

It depends on the relationship you have with the person saying it.

I'd have just thought "twat" and moved on though, it wouldn't have upset me.

So YANBU to be a bit about the comment but YABU to actually to upset by it.

To be honesty if you take offence and are upset by a remark like that then no wonder you don't get along with them!

Blimey, get over yourself. You are being hugely over sensitive. If you had 5 glasses you would have been a bit tiddly. Who cares, it's Christmas.

It's interesting that you see yourself as a guest rather than a family member. Do you think he feels the same distance?

I'd make a point of saying 'Ooh yes please, I'll have a top up too' every time he refilled a man's glass but not mine. Clearly his problem with women drinking is the issue. Brush it off. But do remark cheerfully on how many glasses he and all the other men in the family have when you get the chance.

It makes me understand why people have such problems at Christmas! I was surprised you saw yourself as 'guest' rather than family and that you can't just respond as a joke.

I would say YABU to take it to heart.

There does sound to be more to it than this one comment, but if you took this comment as a standalone then it's just general banter. I would say the same to any member of my family if I thought they had had a few drinks and enjoyed them. With humour.

my FIL seems to think I am a lush - just because I like a red wine. Mostly I am on a diet/the wagon so am not drinking anyway, but he just picked up on that when we go out for a meal that is what I choose. It's always " ooh gin likes a tipple/ a few wines" that sort of thing.

Hmmm...I would probably accept that maybe I had put away a bit more wine than usual the previous day and have agreed with him in a similar 'joking' fashion. It could also be possible that he was referring to your 'discussion' with BIL about hunting, whereby you unintentionally or not, criticized the whole family for their 'stance' at a celebration meal in their own home. Looking at it that way I think he was being rather polite.

It depends largely on the context and the relationship you have - if my dad said something like this to me I'd laugh and say, yes, fair play, but at least I wasn't as pissed as you were last week. If FIL said it to me I would be really offended as I would know it was a dig as we don't have a jokey kind of relationship, and he would be making w point that he thinks I drink too much, and there would probably be something thrown in about how his daughter never drinks that much...

So there is every possibility YANBU. But you might also be being over sensitive. Impossible call without knowing the entire background of your relationship with your FIL x

Impossible call without knowing the entire background of your relationship with your FIL

Very true-we are all reading our own situation into it.
No one can possibly tell whether YABU or not.