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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu have just seriously offended my family

60 replies

Aubrianna · 30/12/2014 11:06

I see my dad once a year roughly (only extra if there's a wedding or something). This is pretty much his choice we have a difficult history since my mum died when I was a teenager and the relationship just faded away.

They are supposed to be visiting today , my grandmother and step mother are with him. My grandmother has a chest infection, my step mother a virus (temp etc) and to top it off the went to my sisters house yesterday (for her yearly visit) and she is currently in the midst of a sickness bug which has her dh and 2 children throwing up.

I called my dad this morning and there was some disagreement over whether or not they should come today. He won - they are coming . But my grandmother was shouting in the background she is never coming again I don't think anyone will ever speak to me once today is over.

We have 5 children under 10 years old, we both work full time one illness getting into the house is difficult and expensive . We still have to pay childcare and we are self employed and so we don't work we don't get paid.

Was I being unreasonable to have this conversation with them? Am I in the wrong here?

OP posts:
Rafflesway · 30/12/2014 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RumAppleGinger · 30/12/2014 11:10

The only point you are unreasonable about is allowing them to come. Phone them back tell them no. Rude fuckers!

christinarossetti · 30/12/2014 11:10

Of course YWNBU. Who on earth wants to go to a house with 5 children under 10 when they are ill, let alone risk spreading a multitude of germs around.

"I'd rather postpone our gathering until we're all in good health and can enjoy it" is a perfectly sensible thing to say.

"Let's all force ourselves to see each other despite illness and also ensure that my family gets ill too" is not.

therenter · 30/12/2014 11:10

I think the only way u r being unreasonable is by not putting your foot down. It's your house- I wouldn't be letting them visit I'm afraid. You need to look after your own and they sound completely unreasonable. Is it too late to stop them visiting? Can u go out?

Original poster
Aubrianna · 30/12/2014 11:11

Raffles they would not visit on a different date they just don't - we get one slot between Christmas and new year I rarely even speak to them on the phone for the rest of the year. They live about 2 hours away and every year they book a hotel and stay up for a weekend then drop into my sisters then mine.

OP posts:
christinarossetti · 30/12/2014 11:15

Well, if they don't want to arrange an alternative date that's up to them, I guess.

Doesn't sound like it would be either awful or much different if no-one in that part of the family spoke to you again.

HoggleHoggle · 30/12/2014 11:16

They sound bloody selfish. Easy for me to say but considering how rude they are, do you even mind pissing them right off? I'd phone back and say actually, no, you're afraid you do not want your children to get ill. Fair enough, children will pick up bugs all over the place but I think it's understandable to avoid encouraging them if possible!

ShinyTwinkleStars · 30/12/2014 11:17

If your relationship is as you say, why are you worried about offending them (which I presume you are) by saying DON'T COME?

They clearly care very little for you and your family. Call them now and tell them not to visit.

livingzuid · 30/12/2014 11:17

I wouldn't bother ever seeing them again. YANBU.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/12/2014 11:18

Yanbu at all, how selfish, I would tell them not to come. You don't sound close anyway, and it would be no lose.

slightlyworriednc · 30/12/2014 11:19

If your gran is that angry then why on earth is she coming at all? No-one will enjoy the day, what's the point?

Aeroflotgirl · 30/12/2014 11:19

Phone them back and tell them not to come, they don't sound like they care for you or your family at all!

gamerchick · 30/12/2014 11:21

Phone and cancel. No way I would be inviting illness into the house and I wouldn't care who it offends.

Selfish gits.

Tinkerball · 30/12/2014 11:21

But that is there choice if they don't want to rearrange isn't it, it doesn't sound like on the surface you are that bothered whether you see them or not yet you are worried about offending them??

Original poster
Aubrianna · 30/12/2014 11:22

I have no idea why I care ! I know I shouldn't I have lived on my own since I was 17/18 . I have never stood up to my dad though he is somewhat ....overbearing.

Dh is going to hand the present I have to them and ask them to go.

OP posts:
Tinkerball · 30/12/2014 11:25

It doesn't sound as if you would be missing much as contact is so limited, almost to the point of pointless really - who is getting what out if it?

TENDTOprocrastinate · 30/12/2014 11:27

So they are currently staying in the hotel with the expectation of seeing you today? I can see why they'd be upset about not seeing you now that they've already made the journey. It is rather late notice to cancel.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/12/2014 11:27

Op I woukdent even do that. Post it to them.

ASunnyTiger · 30/12/2014 11:28

Definitely not being unreasonable, they obviously don't care that much if they're not concerned at all about spreading sickness to your young DC. I'd be really annoyed.

rollonthesummer · 30/12/2014 11:28

?!! Tell them not to come. How bizarre that they want to come and infect you all. Phone them back.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/12/2014 11:29

I still wouldent, tell them not to come you don't want illness. It's not late to cancel they can go straight home.

ILovePud · 30/12/2014 11:29

I think they are being selfish and their response is very unreasonable. Getting ill is horrible but since having kids I dread it for the logistical nightmare that it has become.

ihatethecold · 30/12/2014 11:37

For the love of god. Put them off.
If they cared at all they would understand.
I hate it when people bring illness into a house with kids

2015 · 30/12/2014 11:39

If they aren't actually staying at your house then I can see why they are upset. They sound pretty awful though so I'm not sure I would care that much. Sad

ILovePud · 30/12/2014 11:46

Why "if they aren't actually staying at your house" 2015? The germs aren't going to wait until bedtime to start infecting people.