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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be disappointed about my mother's visit?

33 replies

disappointeddaughter · 29/12/2014 15:47

Mother lives about 6 hours away. She's visiting for the holidays. Only sees her grandchild for this 2 week period once a year.

She's spent most of her time here so far watching some shit on her laptop with her headphones in.

You'd think she'd want to play with her grandchild wouldn't you?

OP posts:
MaryWestmacott · 29/12/2014 20:04

OP, have you ever met someone who 'talks' a good diet? There's loads about now, in January offices will be full of them - they will be going on 5:2 or Weight watchers, or MFP, or Forver living stuff, or low/no carbing, and you know you shouldn't have X because it does Y to your body, or it contains Z... and judge everything you eat loudly. Then by mid-to-end January, after hearing all this crap and being made to feel bad about what you've been eating, they'll stop being on a diet and be sat there stuffing down the cakes or chocolates someone has brought in, or have picked up a cheese ladened pasta for lunch etc.

Thing is, normally you'd not notice what they ate, if it was 'naughty' foods or not, but because they'd bent your ear about it, made you feel shit about your food choices, you find yourself judging their 'bad' food choices when they inevitably do give up the diet.

Your mum's done the same with your DD, you probably would just think "oh well, she doesn't really like playing with small children" if she'd not gone on about being a very involved mum or about how much she misses her DGD. It annoys you more because you've had to listen to her "talk a good grandmother".

Go out with her. Arrange things, she's not going to just play with DD in the house and you'll all get bored.

BathshebaDarkstone · 29/12/2014 20:23

The pp's who say go out with her are right. Even if it's just the park. I've never had this problem myself, thankfully. Xmas Smile

plecofjustice · 30/12/2014 13:15

Does she usually live on her own? Maybe she's just a bit overwhelmed by being in your home with your family, with different routines to her own, and is using the laptop for a bit of sensory escape. I've got an aunt like that, she loves coming to us and loves socialising, but gets a bit overwhelmed after a few hours and needs some timeout.

We discussed it, and agreed she could slope off for a bit for some alone time, so long as she then comes out later and gives some social time - either going out, or a bit of play, or something like that. It works both ways, she's much happier when she's being social, and I'm not worrying about her being excluded when she chooses to take some timeout.

WipsGlitter · 30/12/2014 13:19

I think yababitu. Playing with kids is v boring. My max would be an hour. You'd be better going to the park or to an attraction or something. Or just ask her "mum can you do some craft / colouring / reading with Dd while I ..."

bigTillyMint · 30/12/2014 13:21

This is sad OP. She's only 8 years older than me - there's loads of stuff she could be doing with her little granddaughterSad

My DM was 71 when DD was 3 and had lived on her own for 20 years and has never been the most interactive, hands - on parent/GP , but still managed to do art/craft type stuff with her for at least a bit of the time.

bigTillyMint · 30/12/2014 13:23

DMIL played with both for hours on end and clearly really loved it. Guess which one they have the closer relationship with now as teens.

mrssnodge · 30/12/2014 13:26

When i visit my gdc who are 18 mnth and 15 month, I dont even sit on the sofa, Im straight on the floor playing with them,Xmas day was spent with me trying to get into the little tikes red and yellow bubble car i bought for DGS !! great fun and kisses & cuddles through the bars on the car- I'd never ignore my babies Im straight there on the floor, reading, chasing and playing with the toys with them-
Your mums sounds uninterested and bored, this would drive me nuts! I see my gdc at least once per week more if Im not working- they arent little long, and soon grow into moody tweens and teens- yr mum IBU

notyetpastit · 30/12/2014 15:56

I'd go potty if I were to send two weeks with DD1 and DGs (who is two) and usually go for the day or stay over so no longer than 24 hous usually. I live about 1 hour's drive away from them so try to see them once a month.

I also come from the generation where kids weren't played with every second of the day and, other than reading my DGS books or drawing or watching children's TV, don't really interact much. My DD1 likes me to keep an eye on him while she does other things like cooking.

I agree that gong out is easier than staying indoors the whole time and we usually go for a walk to the local park so he can burn off energy and we get fresh air, unless it's pixxing down of course!.

I don't think you should be angry with your DM but she probably feels uncomfortable not knowing your routine anyway. I know I do when I stay over.

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