To be disappointed about my mother's visit?

[disappointeddaughter]

Mother lives about 6 hours away. She's visiting for the holidays. Only sees her grandchild for this 2 week period once a year.

She's spent most of her time here so far watching some shit on her laptop with her headphones in.

You'd think she'd want to play with her grandchild wouldn't you?

[notyetpastit]

I'd go potty if I were to send two weeks with DD1 and DGs (who is two) and usually go for the day or stay over so no longer than 24 hous usually. I live about 1 hour's drive away from them so try to see them once a month.

I also come from the generation where kids weren't played with every second of the day and, other than reading my DGS books or drawing or watching children's TV, don't really interact much. My DD1 likes me to keep an eye on him while she does other things like cooking.

I agree that gong out is easier than staying indoors the whole time and we usually go for a walk to the local park so he can burn off energy and we get fresh air, unless it's pixxing down of course!.

I don't think you should be angry with your DM but she probably feels uncomfortable not knowing your routine anyway. I know I do when I stay over.

[mrssnodge]

When i visit my gdc who are 18 mnth and 15 month, I dont even sit on the sofa, Im straight on the floor playing with them,Xmas day was spent with me trying to get into the little tikes red and yellow bubble car i bought for DGS !! great fun and kisses & cuddles through the bars on the car- I'd never ignore my babies Im straight there on the floor, reading, chasing and playing with the toys with them-
Your mums sounds uninterested and bored, this would drive me nuts! I see my gdc at least once per week more if Im not working- they arent little long, and soon grow into moody tweens and teens- yr mum IBU

[bigTillyMint]

DMIL played with both for hours on end and clearly really loved it. Guess which one they have the closer relationship with now as teens.

[bigTillyMint]

This is sad OP. She's only 8 years older than me - there's loads of stuff she could be doing with her little granddaughter

My DM was 71 when DD was 3 and had lived on her own for 20 years and has never been the most interactive, hands - on parent/GP , but still managed to do art/craft type stuff with her for at least a bit of the time.

[WipsGlitter]

I think yababitu. Playing with kids is v boring. My max would be an hour. You'd be better going to the park or to an attraction or something. Or just ask her "mum can you do some craft / colouring / reading with Dd while I ..."

[plecofjustice]

Does she usually live on her own? Maybe she's just a bit overwhelmed by being in your home with your family, with different routines to her own, and is using the laptop for a bit of sensory escape. I've got an aunt like that, she loves coming to us and loves socialising, but gets a bit overwhelmed after a few hours and needs some timeout.

We discussed it, and agreed she could slope off for a bit for some alone time, so long as she then comes out later and gives some social time - either going out, or a bit of play, or something like that. It works both ways, she's much happier when she's being social, and I'm not worrying about her being excluded when she chooses to take some timeout.

[BathshebaDarkstone]

The pp's who say go out with her are right. Even if it's just the park. I've never had this problem myself, thankfully.

[MaryWestmacott]

OP, have you ever met someone who 'talks' a good diet? There's loads about now, in January offices will be full of them - they will be going on 5:2 or Weight watchers, or MFP, or Forver living stuff, or low/no carbing, and you know you shouldn't have X because it does Y to your body, or it contains Z... and judge everything you eat loudly. Then by mid-to-end January, after hearing all this crap and being made to feel bad about what you've been eating, they'll stop being on a diet and be sat there stuffing down the cakes or chocolates someone has brought in, or have picked up a cheese ladened pasta for lunch etc.

Thing is, normally you'd not notice what they ate, if it was 'naughty' foods or not, but because they'd bent your ear about it, made you feel shit about your food choices, you find yourself judging their 'bad' food choices when they inevitably do give up the diet.

Your mum's done the same with your DD, you probably would just think "oh well, she doesn't really like playing with small children" if she'd not gone on about being a very involved mum or about how much she misses her DGD. It annoys you more because you've had to listen to her "talk a good grandmother".

Go out with her. Arrange things, she's not going to just play with DD in the house and you'll all get bored.

[christinarossetti]

My mother is a bit like this. Most of her relationship with her grandchildren is in her head.

It's very disappointing and irritating.

[drudgetrudy]

YANBU to be disappointed-she doesn't seem to be making much effort with either you or your daughter. In fact she's being a bit rude.

Is there any explanation for this-is she pre-occupied with any problem or feeling depressed?

[disappointeddaughter]

Perhaps you're right. Maybe she's just not as interested as she makes out.

[Ruperta]

My mum would do this (she actually sit in the bedroom watching TV programmes on her iPad)& she is no better when we go out. She just isn't very good at interacting with children. She comes from

[Bowchickawowow]

My mum doesn't play with my DS's and she never played with me either. She claims in the late 70s / early 80s people just let their children get on with things and didn't feel the need to endlessly entertain their children...! We used to play things that were essentially housework eg she would give me extra pastry to
Play with when she was cooking, or she would give me a sheet to make a den while she ironed and folded the rest of the sheets. She will take the DS's out, I would suggest you go out somewhere together. Playing with small children for more than about 20 minutes can be mind numbing. I like being around my children but I canmt say I enjoy all their nutty games!

[SaucyJack]

Would switching off the Wi-Fi help?

[Jodie1982]

Just tell her, "stop being so unsociable, let's do some colouring in with DD' don't be scared of saying anything, she's your mum. My Brother would come n visit me n kids, and most of the day he'd be hooked up to my WiFi on Facebook or Dating Sites, hardly interacting with his Nieces n nephews, I told him off n he hardly visits now. Oooops

[MaryWestmacott]

Are you a bit annoyed as well as she's gone on about what a great, involved and very engaged mother she was (was the "colouring in for hours" comment a dig at you letting dd just play by herself/putting cbeebies on sometimes?), and coupled with her going on about how much she wants to see your dd throughout the year, but clearly now that's just said because she thinks she should say that and feel that way?

[WooWooOwl]

Three year old children aren't interesting to everyone, even grandparents. The fact that your mother isn't really interested in paying with children's toys doesn't mean she doesn't love her grandchild.

I think you're being unfair to be angry about this. I could understand disappointment that your child isn't getting as much entertainment as you'd hoped for, but you have no reason to be angry.

[CelesteToTheDance]

Kids are really boring within five minutes for many people, there's only so much conversation you can have with a three year old. Some people can entertain children for hours on end, your mothers not one of them. She sounds bad company considering she's glued to her computer but if you have nothing planned and are ignoring her until she pays your kid attention then she's probably very bored and making the effort to stay out of your way because she doesn't want to be in your way, messing up your routine, interefering etc.... She doesn't know that you expect her to play Mary Poppins and it wouldn't help if she did because she's not that person.

[MaryWestmacott]

You need to get out if the house together, any parks or national trust properties or attractions near you to go let your dd run around and take granny for a visit?

[TallulahTwinkletoes]

Could you get DC to ask her to play? Or say to DC 'how about we play a little game with grandma now'. Something simple to drive your point home...

[disappointeddaughter]

I'll probably just burst in a few days.

[disappointeddaughter]

Not to this extent on previous visits.

Yesterday I actually sat on my laptop for most of the day, (kind of a test if you will) and let the toddler just play to her hearts content and make a huge mess with all her new stuff. I thought if I left her to it my mum would join in with her and play with her. She didn't. (we had a day in as it's freezing out and we didn't need any shopping or to go out).

Do I really have to have a conversation with her about this? Isn't it fucking obvious? I'm afraid if I say anything it will come out all angry and aggressive - I'm quite upset/mad about it to be honest.

[MyballsareSandy]

Jesus she sounds like one of my teens! I'd also be very disappointed if this was my mum.

[TallulahTwinkletoes]

Hmmm, my mum does this. I probably go and see her once a month/every few months for a day. She'll moan she doesn't see dd enough but spends the entire time on candy crush.

You need to talk to her. Was she like this on previous visits?

[disappointeddaughter]

She's staying here for two weeks, all day everyday, in our spare room, she bangs on and on about my daughter all year, loves her to bits etc. We don't see each other often because she lives so far away and it's expensive to travel.

She's all 'I used to colour in with you for hours as a kid' bla bla bla.. well there's loads of drawing stuff and nothing. She's not old, she's only 58.