Thinking this is quite bad mannered (children's birthday party)?

[loveandsmiles]

First time ever posted - I think the following shows no manners but my DH doesn't see the issue?!

DD3 had her 5th birthday party today (I know, not the best time of year for a party!). Because it's her first year at school she had a big party to celebrate, inviting all her class plus other friends and family. This was at a soft play centre where we hired the venue privately.

Anyway most people responded yes or no with a handful not responding at all, as usually happens. The party started when a dad arrived, opened the door, popped his son in and left, without a word to anyone! The parents hadn't responded to say he was coming but that wouldn't have been a problem as plenty of space and food. I was just surprised that they didn't stay with him or at least say to me they were leaving him. He played away, ate his lunch, won the prize at 'Pass the Parcel', got his party bag, then his dad reappeared and off he went - still without a word.

So basically, his parents dropped him off and got 2 hours childcare, food and drink without so much as a thank you - thank goodness no one else did the same......

how it could have happened from experience of soft play.... Dad turns up with DS for party, staff ask "which party", signs in at desk, he goes, they take child through security gate.

How would he know to stay with a school age child - unless there was a request on the invite?

No longer it is very bad form what the father did, it is not only polite to hand your child over to the party host, but it's essential for safety. What if the boy went missing, or there was a fire evacuation, op would not have a clue tgat this boy is at the party, especially if there was no reply to op to confirm. No excuses, some people are just rude.

Devon does your dd want the boy there, if not don't ask him unless it's a whole class party. You might want to say on the invites that due to costs the invite is only extended to the chikd being invited.

The party my ds had a party at our local soft play was the longest two hours of my life. Never did it again. Poor deprived dd! Feel for you with the keeping an eye on him thing, also the fighting at the top of the equipment which you can see but not get to! I mainlined on wine when I got home.

Devon ....send out the no extras I'm afraid rule.

Rude or not rude, responsible parents don't just leave their 5 year old anywhere. You always do a hand over and you always leave contact details.

On the other hand some people are a bit clueless, and if you do a whole class party statistically it is likely that you may come across children with clueless parents.

Sometimes it is especially important to include children whose parents are a bit clueless.

Devon - next time that Dad tries his game, and says "one more won't make a difference will it?" say "Yes it will, actually, that will be £x to cover the cost of his entry as he's not on the paid-for guest list".

I let parents stay for DD1's first party (her 5th birthday party) and wished I hadn't. They plonked their arses on the sofa, demanded endless tea and coffee, criticised the home made cakes - apparently the birthday cake "looked a bit rich" - it was iced with ganache made from cream and chocolate. (I asked if they would have preferred butter icing made with icing sugar and cheap margarine.) They queried the coloured icing on the cakes - was it natural colorant? And the sausages - were they chicken, as one of the children was Muslim - was I aware of this? (Yes, and yes.)

The following year I didn't let any parents attend - they dropped at the door with their phone numbers, and collected when the party finished. The children were much better behaved without their Mummy there, and it enabled me to be stricter with them - like the boy who said, in the middle of tea, "I'm going to go and play football in the garden now." I said, no you're not, you're going to sit down and finish your tea first. And he did!

Devon, just smile sweetly and say "it's invited guests only."
And repeat as necessary.
Don't enter into any discussions about space, cost, party bags etc.
Just say "it's invited guests only" until he gets the message and takes the uninvited child away.

I can almost guarantee other parents within earshot will be cheering you on.

Thanks for all your responses! Seems lots of people don't reply which I do think is bad manners. When I host a party I factor in for extras turning up but as this was soft play they wanted numbers upfront for catering, so it's easier when people do reply.

My DD is not a PFB as I said I have 5DCs so lots of party experience - generally where we are, parents tend to stay with the children up to about age 6, but it's not an issue at all to look after children when I am hosting a party, I expect to do this - my concern was that no one said he was coming, no one said he had been dropped off and no one said thank you / goodbye - I think this shows a lack of manners. The parents are a married couple, that I know to say hi to but not to chat.

Parents sat in comfy chairs, relaxing with coffee and cake and catching up on what they'd done over Xmas - guess it's just them being there if their children have an accident or wanted them but absolutely didn't say they had to stay

Rude to not RSVP or to say anything at pickup and drop off and who turns up with no card or present to a child's party?

Fine to not stay if the child is happy to be left.

I learnt a long time ago to not bother inviting those that don't rsvp the first time. We always use a venue for parties so need numbers so the invites state a reply date. The venue then has a checklist of names and paid for places. Always worked so far.

Maybe it's a man thing! My DH just says - "little boy came, had a good time, no accidents, went home, no problems!!" - put like that guess there is no problem - but I still maintain its bad manners