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AIBU?

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Original poster

Thinking this is quite bad mannered (children's birthday party)?

62 replies

loveandsmiles · 28/12/2014 21:05

First time ever posted - I think the following shows no manners but my DH doesn't see the issue?!

DD3 had her 5th birthday party today (I know, not the best time of year for a party!). Because it's her first year at school she had a big party to celebrate, inviting all her class plus other friends and family. This was at a soft play centre where we hired the venue privately.

Anyway most people responded yes or no with a handful not responding at all, as usually happens. The party started when a dad arrived, opened the door, popped his son in and left, without a word to anyone! The parents hadn't responded to say he was coming but that wouldn't have been a problem as plenty of space and food. I was just surprised that they didn't stay with him or at least say to me they were leaving him. He played away, ate his lunch, won the prize at 'Pass the Parcel', got his party bag, then his dad reappeared and off he went - still without a word.

So basically, his parents dropped him off and got 2 hours childcare, food and drink without so much as a thank youGrin - thank goodness no one else did the same......

OP posts:
amothersplaceisinthewrong · 28/12/2014 22:24

Rude to not to RSVP to the invitation and rude not to have a word with you/ leave a contact number, say thank you. Quite OK not to stay though - I never stayed with my kids at any parties past about four. This seems a very modern phenomenon

CakeAndWineAreAFoodGroup · 28/12/2014 22:31

Could have been a Dad who was separated from the Mum... Dad's been told X has a party at 2pm, drop him off at xyz and he's done that.

Cherrychocolate · 28/12/2014 22:40

That is so rude.

I'm sitting here stressing tonight, as I gave out invitations 2 weeks ago for my DD's party, and have only had 2 replies out of 8. I know it's a bad time of year, but it's only a phone call to say yes or no!

The party is next weekend, so still time, but I want to make it special, and need to organise it properly.

Bloody parties, don't know why we bother. There are some rude, ungrateful gits out there.

sykadelic · 28/12/2014 23:54

WineWineWine I wonder if he does this for the free childcare and it wasn't an accident at all? I don't know any parent that wouldn't be mortified they'd left their kid alone with strangers... but a kids party is some pretty easy child care!

WineWineWine · 28/12/2014 23:58

We did wonder the same thing!
We also thought there was going to be a difficult explanation to make when he got home complete with gift and party bag! (Fortunately I had a spare)

Romeorodriguez · 29/12/2014 00:06

You weren't providing 'free childcare' for this child, you were having a party for your child. Other people's children's parties are the worst thing in the world. You should be thanking him for bringing his child, because you would have felt far worse if nobody had shown up!

wigglylines · 29/12/2014 00:28

Wow, some of you have your judgey pants on tonight!

Perhaps it helps that I worked in events for a few years. I just wouldn't expect everyone to reply, people don't. You don't know why, there could be any number of reasons, it's not a personal insult and silly to take it as one IMO.

If it was really important to know exact numbers to a kids party, I would stare this on the invite and chase responses. But unless it's essential to know exact numbers, what's the problem, honestly?

I did an all class party for DS (now 6) the last two years. I didn't expect everyone to reply, I just made sure we had enough food and party bags for a few extras, which came in handy as some people brought younger siblings (I expect as they had no other childcare) and it was nice to be able to welcome them to join in.

As to not inviting non-responders again, how unfair to the children.

As to the OP, I would have thought it a bit odd that the father didn't come and speak to anyone, and ideally leave his number in case of emergencies,
but perhaps he was socially inept and just didn't understand the etiquette.

Perhaps his other half told him it was the done thing to leave kids at parties and he didn't understand that this didn't mean literally drop and run. Perhaps he's not that bright / has his mind on other things (bereavement / redundancy / just won the lottery) - who knows, it could be any of a zillion things. To take it as a personal slight is OTT IMO.

And as to "free childcare" - as the kids get older, dropping off the kids is generally what people do, you'd better get used to it!

BackforGood · 29/12/2014 00:35

Perfectly normal for a child to be left at a party. Its the child who has been invited, not their family.
I would always say hello, and leave a phone contact, so that was a bit rude, but if you are hosting a party, you should only invite the number of children you ar able to look after.

PhaedraIsMyName · 29/12/2014 00:47

I wouldn't have expected parents of 5 year olds to stay.

I would have expected a quick hello when dropping off and a quick thank you when collecting.

Only1scoop · 29/12/2014 01:05

Yanbu at all....went to a 5th party witg dd who is 4 today. A parent did exactly the same....dropped off ds and left him. He is a spirited child and ran around like a whirlwind....throwing food pulling down the bouncy castle....it was awful. The toilets were in a separate building....no one had been even asked to look out for him. All the children are in reception it's the first party from school.

Yanbu at all.

MuddlingMackem · 29/12/2014 01:12

YANBU OP, that was rude, as was not RSVPing.

As others have said, if party etiquette where you are is for parents to stay and supervise their children at that stage, then if you can't stay for some reason you arrange cover with other parents and then let the host know who is responsible for your child in case there is a problem, you don't just dump your child on the host, who has more than enough to worry about as it is.

PhaedraIsMyName · 29/12/2014 01:38

no one had been even asked to look out for him.

Assuming that you don't mean he was a gate-crasher some-one has already volunteered to "look out for him"- the parents hosting the party.

I never expected parents to hang around at parties , nor did I stay if I was the parent of a guest. Do you expect parents to stay with them at school?

fibromum · 29/12/2014 02:00

We had DS party today all but 1 didn't RSVP. I sent FB message, party invite when I didn't get a reply to FB invite (even though I knew they had seen message) and a friend text the mum offerring to pick up & drop off. Not a bloody reply to any. Boy didn't turn up and another parent said the same happened when her son had a party not a word and no show.

It is very rude and i am sorry to say this boy will not be invited again. Selfish parents it takes two minutes to reply yes or no, no damn excuse if u ask me and their kids will start wondering why they wont get invites.

2015 · 29/12/2014 02:04

Perhaps the dad had told the little boy to say thankyou? I also don't think it can be seen as free childcare Confused

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 29/12/2014 02:13

YANBU, it's rude.
What if you hadn't seen him pick the child up? You would have just had to assume that he had returned, because you wouldn't know.
Social anxiety or not, he should still have made some effort to let you know that he'd returned and picked the child up, even if just to tell the child to say thank you for the party.

tanukiton · 29/12/2014 06:20

i helped my friend with a party recently. One kid ran into another (by mistake) and one unbelievable nose bleed later. I would never have a party without contact details. The nose bleed went on and on. Finally got contact no from a different parent and the mum said that he often got them and she would be there later!!!!
He was bleeding for a good 30mins!!!! and looking miserable.

DevonFolk · 29/12/2014 06:37

There's a dad local to me who has form for turning up at a party to which his DS2 is invited but also bringing his DS1 along saying "one more won't make a difference will it?" When the party is at a specific venue it bloody well does make a difference if the hosts are paying per head. I'm dreading DD's party already because I know damn well he'll do the same.

merrymouse · 29/12/2014 06:50

It is very odd not to make sure that another adult knows they are now responsible for your child and leave a contact number.

KatieKaye · 29/12/2014 07:02

Obviously it is very rude.
As is not responding to a party invitation to tell the host whether or not your child is attending.

There are no excuses that can be made for either.

Whether the father had some social anxiety or not, it is still rude behaviour. More than that, it is a pretty callous disregard of his son's well being not to ensure that party hosts know contact details.

Uninvited children randomly turning up at parties do not have to be invited to join in. It is just rude and ignorant of their parents to attempt to foist them on someone else for the afternoon. The child named on the invite is the child who is invited there are no "plus ones" for children's parties as a matter of course!

"I'm sorry, but the invitation was for X child only" is a perfectly reasonable explanation to any pushy parent that tries to dump another child with you. Any resultant issues are due to their stupidity in the first place.

Hakluyt · 29/12/2014 07:04

I was with you until the "free child care" line.............

MammaTJ · 29/12/2014 07:58

You should be thanking him for bringing his child, because you would have felt far worse if nobody had shown up!

My DD had a party where 7 girls were invited and only 1 turned up! I thanked that girls mum, believe me, I thanked her!

Having said that, this man was rude! At the very least he should have stopped to give you his number in case of an emergency, or even just his son being upset!

Capricorn76 · 29/12/2014 08:36

I've had to postpone my DDs 4th birthday party (NYE) at a soft play centre due to a number of people not RSVPing. We gave plenty of notice, a reminder via nursery and left two contact numbers and most people still haven't bothered to respond. We couldn't take the risk of only three kids turning up so we have rearranged the event for a months time and will now only invite those whose families we know. We have hastily arranged a small event at a friends home with her kids instead.

We don't have contact details for those those who didn't RSVP so they'll get a surprise if they turn up to the venue. I won't be inviting those kids to any future parties as their parents are rude. I know it's a busy time of year but that's no excuse.

NoLongerJustAShopGirl · 29/12/2014 09:14

Our soft play requires all parents dropping kids off to sign them in and leave a contact number, even for a party - that info does not get given to the host, but if there is an incident, the soft play can get in touch with the parent.

He was rude not to come in and say he was drop-and-going - but it is not an unusual thing to leave kids at a party (school age up) - it is up to the hosts to provide adequate supervision for their guests. I would also guess he was a single dad on his contact day being instructed to take DS there, not knowing anyone, feeling out of place etc.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/12/2014 09:21

Social anxiety or not, you don't just dump and run. You hand the child over to the party host and Mabey give a contact number. You say thanks at the end, very rude. Even my Autistic dd7 says please and thank you.

Only1scoop · 29/12/2014 09:24

At the party I was at the other day. I could hardly look at the dump n dash parent whose child had pretty much trashed everything in the room. I was disgusted. Didn't even thank host no 'was he ok' literally said 'get your shoes....quick'....