to wonder why do can't some people say no to dc demands

[mrsfuzzy]

i'm not perfect but i rarely gave in to pester power from my dc, it was a case from the cradle 'don't pester, you won't get, throw a tantrum you won't get' ,

when my 6 dc asked, i would buy within reason as long as they were polite and non demanding, we hardly had any tantrums as a result. i just don't get people who keep saying no then give in to appease the dc, it sets a wrong example imo, not saying that all tantruming dc are demanding as there may be unknown medical issues and l do not judge having a special needs ds
what do other mn's think ? ready for a flaming from some people who indulge,but that's another thread.

Whytheface
I wonder what single snippet of my post made you comment in that way towards me? Perhaps re-read what I actually said and stop being so huffy.

I have 2 friends who do 'give in' after a few minutes of whining/screaming even when they've already said no and given reasons. Their children are not pleasant to be around

The first part of my comment where I referenced you was direced at you minty - the rest was a general comment. Sorry to disappoint. I'm not huffy, I'm actually rather drunk sanguine.

What is a TAAT?

Oh right I see.

Being a hardliner 'no' parent is a bit boring though isn't - where's the spontaneity, I want my DC to think that it's 'ok' to be a bit impulsive sometimes? There's something a bit sad about the child who never asks for anything as they have learnt that the reply will 'always' be an unequivocal 'no'- Oliver Twist springs to mind for some reason.

I think its fine to say no sometimes and yes sometimes. Being a "hardliner no parent" (whatever that is) is no better than being a parent who never says no.

But there are people out there who can never say no. Believe me, I really am acquainted with such types, and they still can't say no to their tweens. With hair-raising consequences.

It's not about always saying no though, it's about being consistent when.you do say no.
n

I have an acquaintance who 'never' gives in, even if it's a request for an 'apple juice' when we are in a cafe and all the other children are having one (there are no dietary reasons)- this woman is really difficult company as she creates an awkward atmosphere as she 'never' says 'yes'- I avoid her.

A thread about a thread serin x

Minty, if you have 'no' idea what I'm referring to, why are you using the term to compare and contrast?

Of course it's ok to say yes sometimes. The debate is about being unable or unwilling to say no, ever.
Sometimes I say yes. Sometimes I say no but the children give a good argument as to why I should say yes. In that instance I think it reasonable to change my mind as the children know why this has happened. If I still say no, then no means no and they know it's not worth pursuing. Of course sometimes they try, but we all know that it is pointless.

My son has tantrums if I don't explain why I'm saying no. He has ASD. He accepts a reasoned argument more readily than parental authority. Presumably it'll get harder as he gets older and more capable of coming up with reasoned counter-arguments....

Well I was responding to posts like your previous one Frogme, which indicated that you were very much in the resounding, 'no', all of the time camp!

Some people don't think in such black and white terms and respond to their child's personality. Even if they don't so 'no' that often it doesn't mean a fate of hellish teenagers awaits them. Our parents didn't say 'no' much to us- they weren't that aggressive in their responses. We were certainly not difficult teenagers. More often than not it's down to personality types.

I dont think anyone would always say no would they? That is certainly unreasonable. I thought we were talking about the parents that say can't or won't say no at all.

Some give in straight away as it's easier to avoid the tantrum they know is coming. Some try to say no then give in when the going gets tough. That's what I thought we were talking about. It's those children who grow up entitled and unpleasant to be around.

Anyway, what age group are we discussing here? Personally, my ears will make allowances for other people's toddlers shouting and screaming but aged six and over I just think 'sort your child out NOW'.

Think it's a case of pick your battles

No means no so if I say it that's its and all the screaming and tantrums in the world won't make me Change my mind and if we are out we go back home asap if doesnt stop

So never say no if you are unsure or dithering about something. Say maybe. Let me have a think etc

I can tell the ones who work with children on here via user names and their posts - I see it often at work. Mum says no. Child screams. Child yells a bit more and mum says yes. Child all smiles - coz they know if they scream
Enough that they will get their way

Children need boundaries so set them and don't back down

interesting to see the feed back here, but i never suggested i was superior in raising my kids, it's just that they knew who was in charge and it was never going to be them, i have obviously hit a raw nerve with some people as their feathers are a bit ruffled, that's their problem, oh, for the record, ususalsuspects, my kids are now grown up and i have a good relationship with them all. we are open with each other and can talk as equals, if they had a problem with me i would have been told long ago.no this wasn't a taat, i'm able to post my own ideas, thanks for everyone who contributed it's been really interesting,

I never say no, DC have pocket money and if they want something they save for it. If DC don't save then it not something they truly want.