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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just feel overwhelmed

28 replies

PumpkinPie2013 · 28/12/2014 17:58

I have one ds (13 months ) with my DH. DS is generally a good baby - eats well and mostly sleeps well.

We both work full time (teachers).

DH is very good and willingly does his fair share of things. Our house needs some work which we are in the process of doing.

However, I just constantly feel utterly overwhelmed Sad

The house work never seems finished, I cook a meal but then of course the kitchen needs cleaning again. Washing is constant as is hoovering.

DS (like most one year olds) needs constant entertainment and is into everything. He is at nursery full time so I feel quite guilty when I need to do jobs.

I'm exhausted and have had one bug/illness after another for weeks Sad

My nan (who I'm very close to ) is very ill with terminal cancer which I'm finding hard to deal with.

I just feel like I can't do it all Sad My MIL is lovely but elderly and can't therefore help. My own mum works and has a lot to do with my nan. I don't expect anyone to help but lots of people seem to have family help which makes me feel Envy

I know I should be grateful for what I have and I am (honestly! ) but everything feels so hard at the moment.

I don't really know what the point of my post is - I'm just shattered Sad

OP posts:
ROARmeow · 28/12/2014 18:01

You're not alone!

Brew Wine

Can you afford to outsource some jobs to give you more quality family time in evenings/weekends? A cleaner has been a Godsend to me at certain busy times, and the £10 per hour she charges is worth it.

TooHasty · 28/12/2014 18:04

You have got 2 weeks off work, and 1 child to 2 adults.It sounds pretty cushy to me

puffysocks · 28/12/2014 18:06

I think how you feel is normal, sorry!

I feel like that pretty much constantly. Always chasing my tail, house a tip, no jobs getting finished, never much money, no free time, no date night with DH in.....well, 2 years now. The list is endless!

noblegiraffe · 28/12/2014 18:08

You're both full time teachers. I'm a part time teacher and I feel overwhelmed by everything that needs to be done. The house just slides into chaos over term time and then holidays are spent trying to spend quality time with the kids and sorting out the mess.

Can you afford to go part time?

notagainffffffffs · 28/12/2014 18:11

Sorry about you nan :( its easy to think other people have it super easy with lots of family intervention but its not always the case.
I would say, drop your standards/expectations. Your home with a toddler is going to be a mess for a good 12 hours a day everyday, its not the worst thing in the world.
Do your shopping online on your lunch break, try to leave work at work where possible.

Above all else, make sure you sit down for one full hour after ds goes to bed and do sweet fuck all. Really works for me!

Mrsgrumble · 28/12/2014 18:11

Ah pumpkin can sympathise but I offer a few tips. I have two under 14 months and worked full time until a fortnight before second baby arrived.

How I cope is batch cooking - a lot. I made a huge baths of mince and buy taco shells, gnocchi etc for variety. I make curries and stews... Plus an over reliance on microwave one minute rice and ready to wok noodles.

I try and cook for two nights in. Row and use disposable trays when I can.

You need to make life more fun and get out of the house when you can.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 28/12/2014 18:14

Bless you. Sending hugs your way.
I'm a nurse , I don't have time to eat, drink or go for a wee for 8 hours I get shouted at, smacked, spat on , threatened physically & verbally and ..... i still go to work and find it a welcome break from the demands at home. Confused

skylark2 · 28/12/2014 18:14

The kitchen really does not need cleaning every time you cook a meal. Do it once a day instead. There you go - your kitchen cleaning time reduced by 2/3rds.

Take a look around at what else you're doing that is make-work and stop doing it.

ScrumpyBetty · 28/12/2014 18:17

toohasty teachers never have 2 weeks off work- I expect the OP still has lesson planning etc to do....
Just because it sounds cushy to you doesn't mean that the OP can't feel overwhelmed, you aren't in her situation with a nan who is terminally ill to boot too.
OP, 13 months is a hard stage. I remember feeling that with mine. By 15 - 16 months it gets easier and they can start to entertain themselves more, communicate more. Hang in there, it honestly gets easier. Can you spend some time for yourself whilst your DS naps- watch a film or read a book, have a soak in the bath? I find this helps me to feel heaps better when I'm overwhelmed by things.
OP, you are doing brilliantly, don't be too hard on yourself. I only work 3 days a week and still find it hard, so I'm full of admiration for you.x

CharlesRyder · 28/12/2014 18:19

Do your shopping online on your lunch break, try to leave work at work where possible

DH and I tried to both work FT (both on SLT). I was off sick with stress by the end of Term 2 and went back PT. I now work PT and have a cleaner 3hrs a week and DS is 4 so more independent and we have just about reached a good status quo.

Could you go PT?

Cauliflowersneeze1 · 28/12/2014 18:20

toohasty that's helpful , thanks for your input !

Can you buy some time , get a cleaner ?

I did this when I worked full time , it took a bit of pressure off and more time to spend with my family

RonaldMcFartNuggets · 28/12/2014 18:20

Welcome to parenthood!

Safmellow · 28/12/2014 18:27

I agree with some of the others, you need to look at ways to cut down on the number of tasks facing you - hiring a cleaner (if you can) and online shopping are good suggestions. I felt like this when my DD was much younger and in the end I gave up ironing and started using chopped frozen veg instead of being stupidly anal about prepping everything from scratch. It just depends on what you personally are prepared to give up I guess.

I found things got easier as DD grew and was more able to entertain herself for short periods of time.

Don't be too hard on yourself, I think most parents at some point have the 'this is impossible!' feeling.

RonaldMcFartNuggets · 28/12/2014 18:28

Ironing?! Who has time to iron and why?

sunnyfrostyday · 28/12/2014 18:29

I felt like that for when my dcs were smaller - in fact, I probably posted a very similar thread on here at the time.

I came to the conclusion that it is impossible to juggle everything. Something has to give. You have a full on job (I am not a teacher, but my dad was and I am a governor so I have an idea of the hours involved), and a toddler. Of course you are overwhelmed.

The only answer is to delegate. Employ a cleaner (a couple of times a week), someone to do the ironing, someone to do the garden if relevant and don't stress too much about cooking midweek.

Or go part time, but that leads to its own stresses in some ways.

StevieWonderWoman · 28/12/2014 18:34

It is because you are a Teacher. I feel the same way and it because of the long hours and stress. DH & I decided that, for our own sake, he would go part time to support with house work, child care etc. It has helped immensely.
Could you hire a cleaner or maybe delegate chores? Not much help, sorry OP.

RandomMess · 28/12/2014 18:36

Both of you working full time and have a 12 month old is HARD work if unless they are a particularly "easy" child.

I think your Nan being ill is probably far more emotionally draining than you realise and that is taking a huge amount out of you meaning that you can't cope with the chaos and the demands on you. It will get better IMHO you need to let yourself grieve/be upset about your Nan and lower your standards over housework etc.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 28/12/2014 18:40

Very sympathetic TooHasty Confused. OP I've got a 13 month old and don't work currently (DH works very long hours) and often feel overwhelmed. I think it's the nature of having young children! You need to cut corners as much as possible. Batch cook, be slightly less fastidious with the cleaning, delegate Wink.

IHeartChristmasMoomies · 28/12/2014 18:42

How you feel is normal.

Just let some things slide. Seriously. I'd rather have some down time to myself than know the skirting boards and tops of doorframes are clean. I do clean and tidy, but my house is lived in by two adults and three children!

MrsPepperMintonCandyCane · 28/12/2014 18:46

Online shop for food, batch cook, can you afford a cleaner to do a quick sweep through once a week? Seek someone in RL who can talk to you about your nan so you have some support. Can you have a massage once a month to help with the stress. It's not selfish to drop some jobs, treat yourself and get help in. Try a good vitamin too. Flowers

wheresthelight · 28/12/2014 18:47

crumbs I have given up work but I still have days/weeks where I feel completely overwhelmed and the thought of going back to work in the new year incredibly daunting. your feelings are totally natural!!

I second every other poster who has suggested paying someone to clean/iron for you these are both things I have told dp we will have to look into if I go back full time

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 28/12/2014 18:48

Ps my 13 month old neither eats nor sleeps Confused

Original poster
PumpkinPie2013 · 28/12/2014 18:49

Thanks so much for all the sympathy and advice.

I think the situation with my nan has suddenly hit me all at once - especially as I am fairly sure that this will be her last Sad

I will look into a cleaner - it's been hard with doing the renovations on the house but we could probably benefit now.

Sadly toohasty although I am 'off' for two weeks it doesn't mean no work - we both teach A-level and me GCSE as well so the course work marking is huge and the lessons for January need preparing - we are under huge pressure for results despite our intake being relatively weak.

I am hoping to drop to 4 days next academic year - I can submit the request after Feb half term and will know by Easter whether it has been accepted - I hope so!

OP posts:
Original poster
PumpkinPie2013 · 28/12/2014 18:50

Meant to say "her last Christmas "

OP posts:
WeeFreeKings · 28/12/2014 18:57

My DH is a full time teacher and I fortunately work part time. It's a highly stressful job no matter how easy going your son is. This time of year schools are germ zones so no wonder you feel run down. Often it's when we're on holiday relaxing we succumb to feeling even worse than if we keep going and going. To have a close relative seriously ill is emotionally draining too.

Think about what can 'give' as it were - cleaner? Ironer? How can you get a little bit of time to yourself?

Toohasty with respect you clearly have no idea a) what hours teachers put into planning the next term during their 'holidays' (and course work marking in the OP's case) and b) how tiring a 13 month old can be

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