moving in together when you both have DC?

[christmaspuddingoverload]

Aibu to wonder how people manage unless you live in enormous houses?

We've been talking about it. Due to age/ sex our DC will all need their own rooms. We can just about manage to do that here if we use the study, but it's tiny which feels little unfair to the DC who will end up with it as a bedroom!

As to how we will combine 2 houses worth of possessions....

[Madmum24]

The "shouldn't be sharing" is a guideline, but used as a rule for assessing and ascertaining no. of bedrooms needed by LA when awarding housing benefit.

OP I think you are very wise to be wary in this scenario. This is completely different from siblings who have always shared. Some of mine share, but I would not want to even consider them sharing in a blended scenario flashbacks of my own childhood blended family

How do the children feel about this? Have they been consulted?

[PhaedraIsMyName]

It is not enforced as such in the owner occupied sector although over crowding might be taken in to account as part of general welfare issues. In the public rented sector it may justify rehousing. In the private sector there is an obligation on landlords not to allow a house to be overcrowded. If it is the tenant who is causing it (rather than landlord packing too many people in) landlord may well decide to end the tenancy.

"Sharing" is not always a good thing.

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&ei=pfCfVLmeJ8y8UYKmgLAL&url=dera.ioe.ac.uk/5073/1/138631.pdf&ved=0CCoQFjAD&usg=AFQjCNEydL2mNlkvt9xY3JnS1ALFMFd_EQ&sig2=EgX6qvda6revEFtxinkRFw" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&ei=pfCfVLmeJ8y8UYKmgLAL&url=dera.ioe.ac.uk/5073/1/138631.pdf&ved=0CCoQFjAD&usg=AFQjCNEydL2mNlkvt9xY3JnS1ALFMFd_EQ&sig2=EgX6qvda6revEFtxinkRFw

[erin99]

Put the youngest in together. By the time they "need" their own rooms, the oldest is likely to be moving out. Ifthat doesn't happen, same sex teens may have to share, which is not ideal, or you might be able to look at dividing the master bedroom into 2 smaller ones and you and DP taking the second room or something.

In large families DC aren't guaranteed their own room, it's not always ideal but you do the best you can. What works best now (eg sibling pairs sharing) might be different from a couple of years down the line, when the family dynamic is different and 2 teen stepsisters sharing might be perfectly ok. Just sort out the best solution for now and be prepared to adapt. My mum was one of 4 with one big bedroom and a boxroom. They took turns with the boxroom. My friend is one of 4 boys and they ended up with the oldest and youngest sharing, and the middle 2 together. That worked much better than the typical thing of splitting them by age, so don't get too hung up on the age difference.

[WooWooOwl]

It's weird that people are banging on about your dc sharing when you've already said it won't work for your family.

I agree with you, I'd never make children share rooms in your situation. If it was likely to cause even a little bit of resentment, then it shouldn't be done. This is the parents relationship, and the feelings of children aren't so worthless and disposable that they should be dismissed just so that the parents get what they want (not need).

Personally, I'd wait until the older ones have found homes of their own so that there will be enough rooms for everyone that lives with you. The only reason to hurry is to make things nicer for the parents, but if that's not going to make things more difficult for the children, then it would be selfish.

[Madmum24]

Personally, I'd wait until the older ones have found homes of their own so that there will be enough rooms for everyone that lives with you. The only reason to hurry is to make things nicer for the parents, but if that's not going to make things more difficult for the children, then it would be selfish.

^This

[Sonoma]

What mytartanscarf said. People who are up in arms - totally different situation with siblings or children who have grown up together. I think OP is right to be cautious.

[christmaspuddingoverload]

We do have enough rooms (if we use the tiny box room) to give all DC their own rooms. I was worried about using that room because it I so much smaller, but I think we will just have to be creative and maybe build a cabin type bed with storage to make the most of the space available. Once the eldest leaves home (although I suspect that wont be for 5-7 years at least!) we can always give the youngest a bigger room, which would work well.

[christmaspuddingoverload]

Just to explain re youngest - I know fussing over putting a 4yo in a tiny bedroom may seem odd, but he is used to a fairly large double room of his own at both his parents houses currently. We don't want him to feel shortchanged by us moving in together and ending up with by far the smallest room. Hopefully doing it all out for him will make it seem cooler than a bigger room, or at least no worse.

[saoirse31]

I tend to feel sorry for children in these situations tbh. .. I wouldn't like someone I might not particularly like moving into my home and bringing their family too- but kids are just supposed to put up with it.

but for op, definitely do use spare room so they each habe own room.

[JeanSeberg]

Can you not just continue to enjoy things as they are? I can't see any benefit to the kids in the proposed new set up.

[skylark2]

Can you get a high bed in the tiny room? It's a good way to maximise space, especially the ones which have a desk and chair underneath rather than piles of storage space (which a child only there for a few days a month probably won't need).

[shadowdancer]

When I was about 9 my parents made two small bedrooms into 3 tiny ones so that my brother and I could have one each and although there was not much space we loved having space which was our own. I think you could make a really fab room for the wee one, what is he in to? A little room could still be a really cool pirate hideout/lego den/space ship, a bit of imagination (I mean Google) and he won't feel like he's got the raw deal!

[wannabestressfree]

I have been with my partner five years and we still live apart due to having five children between us 21,19,17,13,10 (4 boys and a girl) and not having enough space or money to buy a large house :(. If you can make it work good luck to you. We just can't seem to do it.