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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my MIL is a controlling cunt?

50 replies

MyGastIsTinselled · 26/12/2014 20:17

MIL hates Christmas, always has. For that alone I want to tell her to fuck off but I bite my tongue. This year she announces that she will not be 'doing' Christmas. BIL still lives at home so I invited him to ours for Christmas Day so that he won't miss out on everything.

Anyway he arrives & all is going well until he announces that he can't be late back as MIL is doing 'festive food'. She then proceeds to ring him up in the middle of the afternoon to find out what time he'll be home.

I'm a bit lot pissed so am probably not explaining this well but AIBU to be pissed off that she suddenly decided to do festive stuff almost in competition with us?

OP posts:
KingJoffreysHasABigWhiteBeard · 26/12/2014 20:19

No, be pissed off with your BiL for not telling her that he'd made plans with you and he wouldn't be changing them.

gamerchick · 26/12/2014 20:19

No it'll be more than that.

Somebody who doesn't do Christmas loudly but then clings to one person and does Christmas anyway has an icepick pain q in their head.

Why don't you all go?

Xmas2014Santa2014 · 26/12/2014 20:20

I think what she means is she doesn't want to spend Xmas with you just bil :(

Original poster
MyGastIsTinselled · 26/12/2014 20:20

No-one ever tells Mummy dear that they can't fit in with her plans. Hmm

As you've probably guessed there is a whole back story to this...I'm too pissed to go into it right now.

OP posts:
Xmas2014Santa2014 · 26/12/2014 20:21

I feel bad for bil
Sounds like he's stuck in the middle

Xmas2014Santa2014 · 26/12/2014 20:22

Pissed or pissed off? Xmas Grin

raltheraffe · 26/12/2014 20:23

"MIL hates Christmas, always has. For that alone I want to tell her to fuck off"

Lots of people hate Christmas, me included. Why you feel the need to tell people to "fuck off" just because they dislike something ironically points to you to be the controlling one.

LadyLuck10 · 26/12/2014 20:25

I'm really not sure it's your mil who it's the controlling one. Not everyone 'does' Christmas Hmm

AgentZigzag · 26/12/2014 20:27

YANBU, very annoying.

It's the same as people who look down on anyone watching the telly but oddly seem to know the plots of all the soaps/reality TV.

'As you've probably guessed there is a whole back story to this...I'm too pissed to go into it right now.'

You have to tell us now! Nowt like a drunken rant coming back to haunt you the next day Wink

drudgetrudy · 26/12/2014 20:27

TBH I think you are over-reacting.

AgentZigzag · 26/12/2014 20:29

'I'm really not sure it's your mil who it's the controlling one. Not everyone 'does' Christmas'

Isn't that what the OP's saying? That the MIL did do Christmas after making a point of saying she didn't, dragging OP's BIL back from enjoying it at hers in the process?

Original poster
MyGastIsTinselled · 26/12/2014 20:30

The reason I want to tell her to fuck off is that she says she had a few rotten Christmases as a child-we're talking 60+ years ago & basically decided she hated Christmas from that moment on.

I've had shitty Christmases & I had to make a conscious decision to try to enjoy Christmas or hate it forever...I got over it & love it now. I also have 2 small boys, who MIL claims to adore, but she can't even make an effort for their sake.

She also goes on & on about how she hates Christmas & doesn't 'do it'. When she says she doesn't do it, she means she doesn't do it at all, no decorations, no Christmas dinner, nothing.

If she doesn't do it fine, that's her choice, but why then suddenly decide she is going to do it at the last minute?

OP posts:
raltheraffe · 26/12/2014 20:37

My hatred of Christmas comes from the fact I had abusive parents and the abuse and DV always escalated at Christmas time.

It is a perfectly acceptable reason for disliking something, it brings back distressing memories.

I only celebrate Christmas now because of my son. Once he reaches 18 Christmas will be permanently cancelled.

Original poster
MyGastIsTinselled · 26/12/2014 20:40

Sorry that you had a bad time, but if you don't mind me asking, do you go on & on about it? MIL does. I've heard it so many times now. And it wasn't an abuse situation, but obviously I can't know exactly how it was as I wasn't there.

She never really made much of an effort for DH's sake either-he seems very unsure what to do at Christmas time & sometimes seems like a very unwilling participant.

OP posts:
caroldecker · 26/12/2014 20:50

Maybe your DH is worried about his weird controlling wife's reaction to perfectly reasonable comments from other people

Mammanat222 · 26/12/2014 20:55

OK I am confused.

You say that this year she announces she isn't doing Christmas so you invite BIL round.

What about all the other Xmases?

Original poster
MyGastIsTinselled · 26/12/2014 20:58

What is the 'perfectly reasonable' comment & what was my overreaction to it?

She's always said she hates Christmas but normally does a Christmas dinner for her, FIL & BIL. We invite them here every year but our invitation is always declined because she 'hates Christmas'

OP posts:
WhyYouGottaBeSoRude · 26/12/2014 21:02

When she says she doesn't do it, she means she doesn't do it at all, no decorations, no Christmas dinner, nothing.

So if she doesnt do dinner then why the need for "This year she announces that she will not be 'doing' Christmas."?

Surely it would have been known that she wasnt doing it. What made this year different that she had to announce it and that you decided to invite BIL to yours?

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude · 26/12/2014 21:03

Confused ok you are saying two different things. One of which must be incorrect.

MidniteScribbler · 26/12/2014 21:12

So she does 'do' Christmas, she just doesn't enjoy it very much. Your response to this was to invite your BIL and leave your MIL alone all day, on a day you know is hard for her. BIL in came to lunch, but wanted to go home to spend time with his parents for dinner and you think that makes her a 'controlling cunt'? Why couldn't you have invited all of them for lunch? Someone is making a drama out of Christmas, and it's not MIL.

Original poster
MyGastIsTinselled · 26/12/2014 21:14

Ok normally she says she hates Christmas & does it begrudgingly. This year she's not doing it at all. But then suddenly decided at the last minutes she was going to do some 'festive food' (but not a roast dinner)

OP posts:
mynewpassion · 26/12/2014 21:15

People still have to eat on Christmas. She could have just made dinner like any other day and wanted to know if he would be home or should they save him some food.

Ohmygrood · 26/12/2014 21:23

Was the invite extended to MIL as well as BIL? I'd imagine that he feels awful leaving his mum alone on Christmas Day. Perhaps he asked his mum to phone him?

usefully · 26/12/2014 21:25

It's not very nice to call your MIL a cunt, no matter what she has done...

AgentZigzag · 26/12/2014 21:25

OP's said 'We invite them here every year but our invitation is always declined because she 'hates Christmas'' Midnight and Ohmygrood.

Another Wine OP? Grin