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Original poster

I have ruined christmas :(

55 replies

startrek90 · 26/12/2014 11:50

I am so ashamed of myself :(

I have a 12 week old DS and I have ruined his xmas. I just can't seem to be happy about anything and I am so exhausted all the time. I just feel so blank. Worst of all was yesterday at my lovely PiL I was so tired. Ds was screaming for fod and all I could do was cry in the spare room.

My lovely DH did his best but I ruined it for everyone :( I don't know how to make amends. TBH I think my family would be happier without me there.

Just put this here to vent and get a (well deserved) ticking off.

OP posts:
chasingtherainbow · 26/12/2014 11:52

Oh honey. Do you feel like this most of the time?

You absolutely have not ruined Christmas. I think you need extra support. Can you make an appointment with your gp..write down how you are feeling xxxx

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 26/12/2014 11:53

Firstly; He's 12 weeks old. He won't remember any of this so you haven't ruined his Christmas at all.
Secondly; he's 12 weeks old. You are perfectly entitled to be tired. Go to bed and rest.

LokiBear · 26/12/2014 11:53

Give yourself a massive break. When my DD was 12 weeks old I would never have coped with Christmas. Your d's ds tiny, you are sleep deprived and things don't magically get better for Christmas day.

Hatespiders · 26/12/2014 11:55

You poor thing. But I imagine everyone understood. As you yourself say, you're exhausted all the time and feel 'blank'. It really isn't your fault if you're very below par. And you can't 'ruin the Christmas' of a 12 week old baby.

Suggest you get an appt with your GP and see if it's PND or another health prob.

Please don't feel ashamed. Congrats on your little son. Flowers

Cheesymonster · 26/12/2014 11:55

Oh startrek you haven't ruined anything. You're understandably exhausted. I remember the early days and it is so hard. I have a DD who is 2. I cried a lot and felt I was useless and incapable. I actually had pnd and anti depressants helped me feel normal again.

It sounds like you need a break. Could someone help out to give you a rest? What are you doing today?

I found talking to my GP really helped. Perhaps make an appointment for the new year?

LokiBear · 26/12/2014 11:56

You absolutely must see your GP. You could be depressed. Your hormones are causing you to feel like this (along with the lack of sleep). Do not apologise, but do get help. This isn't your fault xx

lemisscared · 26/12/2014 11:56

no ticking off from me missy! unless of course you don't take yourself off to the drs after the holiday.

don't underestimate the power of exhaustion. it is soul destroying .

you didnot spoil Christmas. yes your family will have been worriedbut they will understand.

You might have pnd so do please got along to the dr as its very fixable. you deserve to enjoy your baby. xxx

manchestermummy · 26/12/2014 11:56

You have NOT ruined Christmas Flowers

Agree with the above, you might need some extra support. Talk to your DH; he needs to know how you feel. The early months with a baby are tough and there is so much pressure this time of year to get things right. I have just yelled at my DH because he has ripped at the clingfilm instead of cutting it and it is now mangled. All because I want the buffet I am preparing for his family to be perfect.

Be kind to yourself OP.

LittleBearPad · 26/12/2014 11:58

You didn't spoil Christmas. Young babies are tough at times and exhausting.

Speak to your GP if you think you need support. Feeling blank could be a sign of PND.

Flowers
Miriama · 26/12/2014 12:04

Hi I also have a 12 week old baby and it is exhausting. You haven't ruined anything, it's so difficult with this wee thing demanding your time and energy. Talk to your other half about how you are feeling and please please please see a doctor. There is help available, and you will feel better. Big hug to you. Xx

Lweji · 26/12/2014 12:07

Only a ticking off for thinking you ruined Christmas.

Have you talked to the GP about how you feel? You need support, not blaming.

MistAndAWeepingRain · 26/12/2014 12:08

Oh bless you OP. First of all - he is a tiny baby. He won't remember this Christmas at all so you haven't ruined it for him. And everyone else will understand if you feel a bit below par.

Secondly, you sound exhausted and stressed. Give yourself a break. Having a newborn is extremely hard. Do you feel tearful often? Might be worth having a chat with your HV in the New Year?

Original poster
startrek90 · 26/12/2014 12:09

I live abroad so I don't know where to get help.

My DH is amazing and having to pick up the slack a lot. Everyday is a struggle to act normal and get dressed. Yesterday was worse as DH whole family was there and I was useless. In the end my PiL took ds as I couldn't soothe him.

My son calmed instantly so they all know that my ds hates me :( 12 weeks old and my child already hates me. My poor husband and soon :( they deserve better.

I am supposed to be returning to the UK to see my mum for new year. Its going to be tough trying to pretend I am normal.

OP posts:
Spadequeen · 26/12/2014 12:09

Nothing is ruined, please listen to everyone's advise on here

Miriama · 26/12/2014 12:14

Please talk to someone and get some help, don't pretend everything is okay when it is not. There must be some postnatal care or doctor you can see to assist you. Hope you can talk to you other half firstly and speak honestly about your feelings. Hope you can take some positive steps xx

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 26/12/2014 12:14

Sweetheart your DS doesn't hate you, he was just picking up on your stress, that's all. I agree with pps who say you need to go to your doctor. It could be pnd and if it is you need support to help you get better.

IamnotaStepfordHousewife · 26/12/2014 12:15

Sweetheart you have Post Natal Depression without a shadow of a doubt. I was exactly the same the reason he wouldn't calm is because you are stressed and worked up. See out of hours doctor today and get some support and possibly medication. You are showing all the classic signs. Pm me if you want to talk. Huge hugs and I promise it DOES get better xxxx

slightlyworriednc · 26/12/2014 12:16

No no no, you haven't ruined anything! You've just had a baby, these feelings are very, very common!!
Stop worrying about pretending to be normal, people who love you will understand. Let your DH pick up the slack for a few days if needs be.
Your DS calming down for your relatives means nothing. You are his mommy and he needs you. He loves you very much, no doubt about it.
Christmas doesn't matter in the least at this age, please give yourself a break.

Bogeyface · 26/12/2014 12:16

At 12 weeks your child doesnt even know what hate is, much less be able to experience it. Please dont think that he hates you because he doesnt.

You have the classic symptoms of post natal depression and you need help. Many many women on here have had it, myself included, and remember well the feeling of being useless and that everyone would be better off without me.

Its not true, it really isnt. Whereabouts in the world are you? Do you have a GP type doctor available? You really do need medical help, this isnt your fault, it is an illness and you can be treated for it. Please please see a doctor.

ajandjjmum · 26/12/2014 12:17

You are actually totally normal startrek - lots of people need help and support.

Please don't bottle this up and try and get help. Maybe speak to your Mum so that she can support you when you return to the UK.

Your son will love you more than anything on earth.

TheEagle · 26/12/2014 12:17

Big hug for you startrek. My DS was 12 weeks last Christmas and it was such a tough time. I spent a lot of it upstairs crying in the bed with the crying baby!

You are doing brilliantly, sleep deprivation is so tough and makes things very very difficult.

It will get easier but I second other suggestions to talk to your GP. You don't have to suffer alone.

Good luck and congratulations on your beautiful baby.

everybodysang · 26/12/2014 12:17

Blimey, no, no you haven't! You've got a tiny wee baby, you're knackered. He's so little, he won't remember, and everyone else will understand. You can ask for help, do, everyone will help you.

whathaveiforgottentoday · 26/12/2014 12:18

He doesn't hate you. You don't have to pretend to be normal. You are clearly exhausted so accept any help offered and get some rest and after christmas get yourself to the doctors. I remember 12 weeks being the worst time with my 2 dd's and it started to get better after 4 months once they started sleeping more and eating less frequently.

Lweji · 26/12/2014 12:18

You know how children pick up on the stress?
Your DS might just need some quiet and you were tense.
Sometimes the best thing is just to put them down or hand them out to someone else.

HE DOES NOT HATE YOU!!!

Even if abroad, there will be a doctor, even the paediatrician (they will be used to struggling parents), you can talk to. Do ask for help.

GothMummy · 26/12/2014 12:20

Oh you poor thing, you really do sound like you have PND. You really need GP help, very soon.