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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel so sad about our non-family Christmas?

62 replies

MrsTawdry · 25/12/2014 19:04

By non-family I mean non extended family.

It was lovely...DH, me and the two DCs and we did have a nice day but I feel sad that our family doesn't do any big family Christmases.

My sister has a big house but she has 4 DC...two are adults as well. She invites my Mum and my brother both of whom are alone to spend the day there...my Mum always goes on about the wonderful food, decor etc and I feel that if I asked her and my bro here, they'd not like it as much....we're not nearly so well off and things are quieter here as there's only the two children.

My sister's house is loud, busy, there's loads of everything...mum and brother LOVE their Christmas there.

I feel sad that I couldn't do as good a day and also that there's never an invitation for us...just teatime or something.

On FB they've all put the photos on of them roaring with laughter..having a ball. We've had such a quiet day I'm jealous.

OP posts:

wewishyou · 25/12/2014 20:10

Your sister is a bit of a bee-atch, isn't she?? Why leave you out ?

Original poster

MrsTawdry · 25/12/2014 20:13

Wet I know. I said in my OP that I was jealous. It's a very human emotion I think.

OP posts:

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 25/12/2014 20:16

When I lived abroad I catered for 20 adults in a 2 bed apartment. I used plastic garden table in addition to my dining table. Just covered it with a table cloth. Home Store and More do a great folding plastic table during summer. You could stick all the children at one table, adults at the other.

You could also offer to help your sister next year, bring the ham, veggies, desert, wine, or whatever she wants help with.

And finally, you could have a word in your moms ear about how it feels weird that all the family bar you gather together on Christmas and that you would love to be part of it.

Last thought, are your DC well behaved and easy to feed? Do they get on well with their cousins?

diddl · 25/12/2014 20:21

It's not just the size of the house though is it?

at the moment she cooks for two "extra" adults.

maybe that's as much as she can be bothered to do!

You can look at it as you being left out, or that she maybe feels she has to ask you mum & brother because you don't!

cherubimandseraphim · 25/12/2014 20:22

Ignore wet. Yes it's hurtful of your sister always to exclude you - and your mum should have a bit of sensitivity to it too! Doesn't she want to make it a bit fair by seeing you some Christmasses? :(

WetAugust · 25/12/2014 20:23

I would just put it out of my mind and enjoy the day with my partner and children. There's no law that says that siblings must get together at Christmas, you are just envisaging an ideal that is sold yo us by the commercial side of Christmas but which rarely exists in reality

If you want a get together byt your space is limited, wait until the summer and have family gathering outside in the garden. If you have no agreed you could organise a family picnic day out.

diddl · 25/12/2014 20:26

"There's no law that says that siblings must get together at Christmas,"

absolutely!

Do you see her often?

Do you all get on?

SaucyJack · 25/12/2014 20:26

Cooking for four extra people is a big deal. I don't think your sister is a bitch for not wanting an open house at Christmas.

Invite your mum and brother next year if you want to see them.

diddl · 25/12/2014 20:30

"I don't think your sister is a bitch for not wanting an open house at Christmas."

I agree.

it might not be so much the excluding of OP but the including of two who would otherwise be alone.

Original poster

MrsTawdry · 25/12/2014 20:33

Wet "the garden"? I live in a two bed, second story flat.

I don't think she's mean I agree that it's probably too much extra work. I can't help feeling sad though. My DC are better behaved than hers...whoever asked that...I know lots of parents say that their Dc are perfect..mine are not but they are polite and quiet as most well behaved kids are.

OP posts:

diddl · 25/12/2014 20:37

"I agree that it's probably too much extra work"

But it could also be that she doesn't want all of you there all day?

Do see them at all Christmas day?

WetAugust · 25/12/2014 20:38

If you've no garden then plan a day out to a park or open countryside, invite your family and gave a picnic. They are not that expensive. You are missing out in so much wishing you were somewhere else with other people and bemoaning what you don't have. You'd be a lot happier if you just enjoyed the moment

ssd · 25/12/2014 20:44

jesus, picnic in december wet, in open countryside ...for Christmas??

I cant think of anything worse

diddl · 25/12/2014 20:46

"I cant think of anything worse"

good job that that wasn't what was being suggested then!

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 25/12/2014 20:47

I am the cheeky poster who asked if your kids were well behaved. I could handle one sibling and their two DC but couldn't handle another sibling and their DC. Second siblings DC are much harder work.
So it's not that.

Maybe ask her if she'd be interested in co-hosting next year, that you'll contribute half the cost and help with all the preparations?

Original poster

MrsTawdry · 25/12/2014 20:49

diddl No. We didn't see them at all. I see that 2 extra adults and 2 DC is a lot more than just my mum and brother...so I understand but it doesn't stop me from being sad.

Wet maybe my family are odd but if I organised a picnic and asked my family they'd all go

They are not outdoor types at all.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsTawdry · 25/12/2014 20:51

Mom I know it seems like I am throwing everyone's suggestions back at them but my sister is a real control freak and would hate to have help in her own kitchen.

Think Nigella Lawson with a thick northern accent. She's an excellent cook and would be horrified if I asked to come to hers outright and even more so if I offered money or food.

OP posts:

Madamecastafiore · 25/12/2014 20:53

I think she's being a bitch and if I were you I'd ask your mum and brother next year after explaining to your mum how you feel.

Call her fucking bluff.

diddl · 25/12/2014 20:54

"Maybe ask her if she'd be interested in co-hosting next year, that you'll contribute half the cost and help with all the preparations?"

Or are you close enough to just pop in for a couple of hrs after lunch?

Do you see her at all over Christmas?

isitsnowingyet · 25/12/2014 20:55

MomofTwoGirls has made some incredibly sensible suggestions.

It sounds to me as if the OP has a case of 'the grass is always greener..'

Jaffakake · 25/12/2014 20:57

I'd just go at it from a different direction, state you'd really like everyone to get together over Xmas & start a discussion with the others as to how to make it possible. With a 2 bed flat you could invite people over for drinks and a bit of buffet food. It's a more positive starting point to say ' I'd like to spend time with you all & celebrate ' rather than start with ' I feel left out'

Original poster

MrsTawdry · 25/12/2014 20:57

diddl not that close no...about 8 miles. Too far for a "we were just passing" and she's never once been here since we moved in a year ago. BUT she calls me every single day for a chat and if I'm not in, she worries and calls again. She does love me I know she does.

I won't see her over Christmas unless I make the effort and this year I feel too sad. I miss my Dad. He's been gone for many years but I'm feeling it a lot for some reason.

OP posts:

BathshebaDarkstone · 25/12/2014 20:59

YANBU, we don't have an extended family Christmas either, we don't get invited to anyone and we don't have room to host at home. We enjoy our quiet Christmas with our little family. I'm sorry you feel a bit sad.

diddl · 25/12/2014 21:04

"I won't see her over Christmas unless I make the effort and this year I feel too sad. "

Ah, OK. But don't cut off your nose to spite your face!-if you want to see her, ask!

How long are your mum & brother usually there for?

Could you visit Christmas Eve or Boxing Day?

That way you see everyone, but get a quiet family Christmas.

Saki5000 · 25/12/2014 21:04

Where would everyone sit? the sitting room is the size of a small bedroom. We have a 2 seater sofa, one armchair and a coffee table in it.

Do you not have a table to eat on? If you do I'm sure that they will enjoy Christmas at your house for a change.

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