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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is daughter being unreasonable or her friend.

53 replies

whitesandstorm · 23/12/2014 19:28

I'll try to make this as short as possible. Dd at uni, has friend not at uni but lives in home town and they go out socialising when dd is home. Dh owed friend £30 which had been agreed to pay back before certain date. In the meantime daughter had a night out with friend who had brought another friend along who dd didn't know. At the beginning of night out dds friend lost her purse so therefore no money. Friend she brought along had no money at all so therefore my dd bought all their drinks for the night which cost her about £40.(This was separate from the cost of her own drinks) Dds friend hadn't wanted the £30 my dd owed her back at this time as she wanted it in a week or so when she knew she needed it.
The thing is now dds friend keeps reminding dd about £30 due next week, but is this right, bearing in mind dd spent £40 on drinks for friend and friends friend. Dd is torn, she owes it but at the same time she thinks friend owes her. It would really have been better if dd had lent friend drinks money.
Who is being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
HappyGoLuckyGirl · 23/12/2014 20:27

If this was me and my friends then yes, the debt would be repaid. I would probably have said something like 'I can give you the £30 now if you want, so you can still have a drink.'

Tinks42 · 23/12/2014 20:38

errr, im not confused, the other girl thought she could have a free ride that night and not take this into account? I personally would say thank you, all debt quashed. Thats what "friends" do.

Original poster
whitesandstorm · 23/12/2014 20:39

Xici, dds friend lost her purse, dds friends friend came out with no money. Presumably dds friend would have paid for her if she hadn't lost purse.

OP posts:
XiCi · 23/12/2014 20:41

So having read your Op again one of the girls went out with no money at all and the other friend 'lost' her purse at the beginning of the night. I'm sorry but noone would seriously go on a night out with no money and it's all very convenient isn't it that the friend lost her purse at the start of the night. I think they went out intentionally to pull a fast one on your dd and have a free night on her, but then I'm a cynical cow
I would be telling both the cheeky cows to fuck off

Tinks42 · 23/12/2014 20:43

All debt should be quashed here.

londonrach · 23/12/2014 20:43

Agree xici

XiCi · 23/12/2014 20:44

X post Op. I think your dd has been taken advantage of and should stand up to her friend and explain as far as she is concerned the debt is paid

CrapBag · 23/12/2014 20:47

Irrelevant but why did the friends friend happen to come out without any money?

Your dds friend and her friend owe your dad a fiver each and your dd has repaid her debt. Dds friend is taking the piss.

If your dd wanted to be awkward about it, she could hand over the £30 then say "right so when am I getting back the £40 I subbed you on our night out?" Make the friend see how unreasonable she is being.

CrapBag · 23/12/2014 20:48

Xici I thought the same actually.

AskBasil4StuffingRecipe · 23/12/2014 20:49

Wow.

I think her friend is outrageous tbh.

The only charitable explanation is that she doesn't realise how much she and her friend drank.

But honestly, is your DD a bit bad about boundaries? Because it sounds to me like there was a lack of clarity here which has led to this cheeky mare of a friend to even mention that £30 again.

TheReluctantCountess · 23/12/2014 20:56

I agree with those who say the friend (and her friend) owe your dd a tenner.

I would suggest your dd pointing out to her friend that she paid £20 for her drinks, and therefore only owes her ten pounds. BUT, as she also paid £20 for the other person's drinks, your dd will give her the ten pounds back when the other girl pays up.

HighwayDragon · 23/12/2014 21:02

I'm going against the grain here and say ypur dd still needs to pay her friend back, the drinks are irrelevant she borrowed money and needs to pay it back. She could ask separately for the drinks money back but it depends on how they were bought, as in whether it was clearly a sub or not.

BinarySolo · 23/12/2014 21:04

Agree with everyone else the debt has been paid. Barbara owes your daughter and her friend £10 each.

timetoplay · 23/12/2014 21:13

Friends sound like they are pulling a fast one as someone mentioned, losing money and getting drinks brought for them with no mention of returning the favour. Your DD needs to make it clear they both owe £20, but you'll call it even.

Bulbasaur · 23/12/2014 21:14

I had a friend try this on me, I told her to take a hike because I bought her lunch a couple days later. Same friend owed me money one time, I told her she was buying me lunch when we went out. We're still very good friends. I think it all just comes down to how she handles it. If her friend is really a good friend 30 quid won't ruin a friendship.

Personally, I don't keep track of what my friends owe me or ever ask for the money back. If they repay me they do, if they don't they don't. I never lend out what I'm not willing to lose permanently and for the most part they do the same. I have one friend that would be insulted if I paid her back for gas/food if she helped me out, another friend that would just slip it back in my coat pocket/purse/car while I wasn't looking, and a DB that will just shove his wallet in the way instead of letting me buy for him. Life's too short to be hung up on money.

TooHasty · 23/12/2014 23:19

A debt is on theing.Offering to buy a friend a few drinks is a different unrelated thing

differentnameforthis · 23/12/2014 23:29

I'm confused. Dds friend brought another friend who lost her purse so why did your dd then buy drinks for both of them all night? Did the 2 girls both come out with no money?

It's quite clear in op. Dd's friend lost her purse, friend of friend didn't have any cash.

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 23/12/2014 23:38

I think your DD should do exactly what itiswhatitiswhatitis suggested. Very fair response, IMO.

yummumto3girls · 24/12/2014 00:18

Just try having a conversation with friend over it and see what she says!! It does seem unfair your DD paid all evening so she needs tell her friend how much she spent and that she doesn't think it's fair that this goes unnoticed. See what her response is first.

MagicMojito · 24/12/2014 00:34

Tbh id say your dd is being u here. I think dd should give the money she owes to friend, get that debt out of the way and then say to friend and "barbera" that they owe her £40 between them for the night out. That way if "friend" reacts badly to this request then your dd learns a good life lesson and it only cost her £40

peggyundercrackers · 24/12/2014 00:48

I think your dd has missed the boat in the sense it's too late to do anything now. She should have given her friend her money back at the time she lost her purse and said I can't afford to pay for you and your friend to drink all night so here's your money back, that's us quits.

Sounds like her friend is taking the piss a bit and the friendship may be breaking up because your dd is away at uni.

Bulbasaur · 24/12/2014 01:04

Tbh id say your dd is being u here. I think dd should give the money she owes to friend, get that debt out of the way and then say to friend and "barbera" that they owe her £40 between them for the night out. That way if "friend" reacts badly to this request then your dd learns a good life lesson and it only cost her £40

You're math is a bit off. This life lesson would be costing her £70 if she repays her friend the amount she's asking first. Frankly, she doesn't even have to pay. The fact that her friend is asking is lesson enough.

I wouldn't be paying anything and telling them they owed me £10 if they want to get so picky about it.

Moreover, I'm with PP's on here. It's awfully convenient that they both didn't have money on a night out. Bartenders take cards. Hell, this is 2014, some even take iPhone card payments.

So, no. She can learn a lesson that only cost her £10.

sykadelic · 24/12/2014 01:58

I agree friend is BU.

I also agree that she could lose a friend over it, but do you really want to keep a friend who acts like this??

I'd text or reply however DD was contacted and a similar message to mentioned before, but with a difference: "Oh I think there's been a bit of confusion sorry! I thought that was paid back the other night when you lost your wallet and I covered drinks for you and your friend X. Drinks for you and X were actually more like $40 but I was just going to call it even."

OnBlueDolphinStreet · 24/12/2014 04:16

This is a life lesson - don't lend or borrow money from friends!

If only your DD had given her friend the £30 back at the start of the evening.

If the 'friend' keeps kicking up a fuss, pay her back in change - a big bag of 5 p pieces.

OutragedFromLeeds · 24/12/2014 04:38

First she needs to separate out the money she spent on the friend and the money she spent on the other girl. Only the drinks bought for the friend can possibly be counted towards the debt. The fact that DD chose to buy drinks for a person she'd never met is not the problem/responsibility of the friend. 'I'm not going to pay the money I owe you because I bought some drinks for Jane' is not fair or logical.

Whether the drinks count towards the debt depends on their normal drink-buying relationship. If they buy drinks for each other sometimes then maybe the friend has bought drinks in the past or is planning to treat DD next time they go out. I don't think she can assume the drinks repay the debt. If she wants to pursue the friend for the cash to cover the drinks then she should do that separately.

DD is being unreasonable.

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