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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don't invite overnight guests to someone else's house?

61 replies

Normanpriceisnotarolemodel · 23/12/2014 08:21

So 5 day before Christmas MIL announces that she wants us to host SIL and DN as well as herself and FIL next weekend. And implied that we are in the wrong for not inviting SIL in the first place. Bearing in mind we are seeing SIL and DN in two weeks time for DN's birthday and have never hosted them at Christmas, I am slightly bemused at this in the first place, never mind the late notice. I'm not unreasonable to think you don't invite overnight guests to someone else's house, am I? Never mind that we don't have enough beds, and I'll now have to arrange bedding, towels, extra food etc etc. Saying 'no' will cause reprisals, she's that kind of woman.

OP posts:
ApocalypseThen · 23/12/2014 08:23

Has your husband lost the use of his hands and voice?

Original poster
Normanpriceisnotarolemodel · 23/12/2014 08:25

He does what his mum wants through fear of reprisals.

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 23/12/2014 08:27

Saying 'no' will cause reprisals

What sort of reprisals? You can say no, it is your house and you are an adult.

'I'd like you to host SIL and DN next weekend'.
'No can do MIL, no space and we are seeing them in a fortnight anyway'.

ApocalypseThen · 23/12/2014 08:28

Well tell him to start getting the linens out, start making a shopping list of what he thinks you'll need extra and let him get down to the supermarket. You don't both have to be put-upon wusses.

ILovePud · 23/12/2014 08:28

YANBU, your MIL is being very rude, I do think that not saying 'no' will also cause reprisals though and that you'll be setting a precedent. I'd take a stand on this one and ignore any tantrums, or she'll just continue with this behaviour.

CaulkheadUpNorth · 23/12/2014 08:29

"I've thought about having them to stay, and it would be lovely in an ideal world but we just don't have the room. That's why I've arranged to see them in a couple of weeks"

MinceSpy · 23/12/2014 08:31

What sort of hold does MIL have over two adults to make you both fear reprisals? If you don't want or can't accommodate extra guests just say no.

Trapper · 23/12/2014 08:32

Are your family mafioso? What sort of reprisals are you at risk of?

grumpyoldgitagain · 23/12/2014 08:36

In that situation I would then stick MIL on an air bed in the lounge with a couple of thin blankets and give the bed she was having to SIL

If MIL invited her then she sacrifices her bed and suffers because of it

ChoosandChipsandSealingWax · 23/12/2014 08:45

Liking Grumpy's solution! And if you have a cat/dog, do accidentally leave the door slightly ajar so that they can get in and cuddle bother her in the middle of the night!

Original poster
Normanpriceisnotarolemodel · 23/12/2014 08:46

This link (that I found on MN) describes her behaviours pretty accurately
parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html

The mafioso comment made me laugh as she is actually descended from a notorious London gangland family!

OP posts:
Blondebiker4685 · 23/12/2014 08:50

Of she does come ask her to bring towels, bedding and puddings

ShizeItsWeegie · 23/12/2014 08:51

She actually SAiD there would be reprisals? : O

grumpyoldgitagain · 23/12/2014 08:59

Are we safe offering advice then OP or will we all be getting a horses head in our beds

FunkyBoldRibena · 23/12/2014 09:02

I'm revising my response:

I'd like you to host SIL and DN next weekend'.
'No can do MIL, at the risk of you putting a horse head in the bed, we have no space and we are seeing them in a fortnight anyway'.

londonrach · 23/12/2014 09:04

Just do what grumpy suggested with the bed and ask mil to bring bedding etc as you havent enough.

ChoosandChipsandSealingWax · 23/12/2014 09:06

YY to bringing bedding. I would also make sure there is a slow puncture on the air bed...

ChoosandChipsandSealingWax · 23/12/2014 09:08

And some itching powder?

WhereHas1999DissappearedToo · 23/12/2014 09:15

In principal it's easy to say no, but actually saying no could cause a major family fallout that could last till the following Christmas.

Gawjushun · 23/12/2014 09:26

I agree that MIL should sacrifice her bed if she wants extra visitors. Go for camp beds rather than an air bed. It's impossible to have a good night in one of those bloody things. Also, DN should be sent in for a 5am Xmas wake up. Preferably after lots of chocolate.

canyou · 23/12/2014 09:51

Does SIL and DN know they have been invited do they even want to/ have time to visit,
Do what Grumpy has saidGrin

timetoplay · 23/12/2014 09:53

The only reason people behave this way is because they are allowed to. Standing up stops that, either they learn or stop getting invited. It's really hard with people pike this but if you don't do it you end up theirs for life.

Number3cometome · 23/12/2014 09:54

*I'm revising my response:

I'd like you to host SIL and DN next weekend'.
'No can do MIL, at the risk of you putting a horse head in the bed, we have no space and we are seeing them in a fortnight anyway'.*

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!

CakeAndWineAreAFoodGroup · 23/12/2014 09:55

Say "that's good of you to not come, MIL so SIL can have your bed. Otherwise we would have stuck to the plans already made to see SIL in 2 weeks. Hope you have a good Christmas, wherever you are"

Or just say "No".

ArcheryAnnie · 23/12/2014 09:56

I'm another one who thinks you give SIL and DN the bed you'd previously allocated to MIL and FIL. And then be all "but I thought that's what you were instructing me to do!"

Make sure wherever you put MIL is close to the kitchen (so noisy both late and early), and at least one flight of stairs away from a loo.