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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you don't invite overnight guests to someone else's house?

61 replies

Normanpriceisnotarolemodel · 23/12/2014 08:21

So 5 day before Christmas MIL announces that she wants us to host SIL and DN as well as herself and FIL next weekend. And implied that we are in the wrong for not inviting SIL in the first place. Bearing in mind we are seeing SIL and DN in two weeks time for DN's birthday and have never hosted them at Christmas, I am slightly bemused at this in the first place, never mind the late notice. I'm not unreasonable to think you don't invite overnight guests to someone else's house, am I? Never mind that we don't have enough beds, and I'll now have to arrange bedding, towels, extra food etc etc. Saying 'no' will cause reprisals, she's that kind of woman.

OP posts:

Branleuse · 23/12/2014 09:59

you dont have to do this. You just dont.

You don't have to have any of these people in your lives. Please try and remember that

LineRunner · 23/12/2014 10:05

Before I stopped having contact with my mother I found it difficult to say No, because of the months-long sulking and crying and moaning and running to other family members (including running to people she had asked me to fall out with because it previously suited her).

It's exhausting. A horse's head would be welcome in its honest and swift intention.

Original poster

Normanpriceisnotarolemodel · 23/12/2014 10:50

Lol at the horses head. I may very well tell MIL that she's on the sofa. Good idea. She won't go for it, but it will allow me to point out her unreasonableness in a jokey fashion.

OP posts:

Original poster

Normanpriceisnotarolemodel · 23/12/2014 11:02

And line runner, I agree, it's exhausting.

OP posts:

FelineLou · 23/12/2014 11:36

Cant you contact SIL and put across to her that they are not really welcome. If she does not come the problem goes away. Ask her to bring blow up beds, bedding and towels. Explain she should not take large portions of Xmas food as you have ordered for 4 and just generally be a passive aggressive host (and sweet with it).

bloodyteenagers · 23/12/2014 11:42

Lol my exmil used to make lots of threats. Make it known there will be reprisals for me not obeying her every whim. Did I listen to her? Did I fuck. She would often use the east London gang threat as well. Didn't faze me. Then I found out her connection, she was basically a gang toy. Passed around for their enjoyment.

Sod the reprisals. So what you get left out of the will. Would rather live a paupers life than have it always held over my head.

Hissy · 23/12/2014 11:46

I agree, sod the reprisals. if she has made an actual threat then tbh, you tell her that she won't EVER set foot in your home until she apologises and learns some respect for her son and his family.

Tell her that there isn't the room, it's unreasonable to invite people to someone elses home. Send her a list of BNBs

Theboodythatrocked · 23/12/2014 11:48

This is a fairly disturbing thread.

Lesson to teach dds! do not marry into a gangland family.

Do a zammo op!

Hissy · 23/12/2014 11:58

she is no more gangland than I am, and tbh, so fucking what if she is. she has no right to threaten a living soul or demand that so and so gets hosted in someone elses house.

Original poster

Normanpriceisnotarolemodel · 23/12/2014 12:08

She hasn't actually made any threats, just to make that clear. But she always 'gets her own back' in some way, nasty woman. And no, she isn't actually gangland, but is a descendent.

OP posts:

HamPortCourt · 23/12/2014 12:11

OP you have to put your foot down and say no or you will have a lietime of this.

DH needs to be more afraid of upsetting you than of upsetting his mummy. what sort of marriage is it if he puts her needs and feelings above yours?

Summerisle1 · 23/12/2014 12:14

Saying 'no' will cause reprisals

I'm left with an awful picture of Christmas turning into a sequel to "Black Good Friday" here.

Theboodythatrocked · 23/12/2014 12:21

Does your sil and dn have a say either? They may not want to come anyway.

Just tell her no and tell your dh to grow a pair.

financialwizard · 23/12/2014 12:22

My MIL is the 'matriarch' and I went bat shit crazy at her one year for something she tried to enforce, and I am the furthest from confrontational you can get normally, she sulked for at least two years. Quietest two years we ever had. Tell her straight and ignore the loon.

Hissy · 23/12/2014 12:31

She can't get her own back if you don't let her. if this goes ahead, give her a list of BnBs or the sofa.

most of these dickehead powerfreaks are big cowards, so ball her out and let her try and do her worst - you are WAY more scary than she will ever be.

Hissy · 23/12/2014 12:31

She can't get her own back if you don't let her. if this goes ahead, give her a list of BnBs or the sofa.

most of these dickehead powerfreaks are big cowards, so ball her out and let her try and do her worst - you are WAY more scary than she will ever be.

Hissy · 23/12/2014 12:31

She can't get her own back if you don't let her. if this goes ahead, give her a list of BnBs or the sofa.

most of these dickehead powerfreaks are big cowards, so ball her out and let her try and do her worst - you are WAY more scary than she will ever be.

Hissy · 23/12/2014 12:31

She can't get her own back if you don't let her. if this goes ahead, give her a list of BnBs or the sofa.

most of these dickehead powerfreaks are big cowards, so ball her out and let her try and do her worst - you are WAY more scary than she will ever be.

Hissy · 23/12/2014 12:31

sorry

MmeMorrible · 23/12/2014 12:38

Check that she hasn't already asked them. That was my MIL modus operandi - no asking, just informing me that x & y would be staying on a certain date. It took me a while but eventually I did get outraged enough to tell her it was my house and therefore I handed out the invites. Be prepared for the invitees to be wounded about it too....

Original poster

Normanpriceisnotarolemodel · 23/12/2014 20:58

DH just got text from SIL. "Just to say given mum and dad r coming over on sat XXX and I r going to joint them if that's ok?????"
DH replied 'surprised you want to take XXX away from his new toys"

OP posts:

timetoplay · 23/12/2014 21:31

OP I would make it clear that they cannot stay.

MinceSpy · 24/12/2014 09:00

OP at least your SIL has had the decency to ask. Bearing in mind MIL is probably as horrible to her I'd be inclined to say your welcome to come but if you stay over it will be on the sofa. Even ask her to bring bedding and towels if you need to.

ninetynineonehundred · 24/12/2014 11:02

Hissy I didn't quite hear you there. Please can you repeat

Did they not already have plans that close to Christmas?

Boysandme · 24/12/2014 11:12

What did he reply? Can he not just say, sorry struggling for space but looking forward to seeing you imfor DN's birthday?

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