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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that you will all be able to help me think of an appropriate smartypants retort to this...

73 replies

mameulah · 22/12/2014 23:42

So, I am very happily pregnant with DC3. I know that I am very, very lucky.

DC2 is a very young baby so many people are horrified surprised that I am pregnant again so soon. And then we have the very rude 'you'll be hoping for a girl' comments.

I know it shouldn't but it really offends me. Almost implying that what we have isn't quite right. I wouldn't change our two boys for the world.

Has anyone managed a healthy retort to such a comment? If so, please tell me what you have said!

OP posts:

TheBatteriesHaveRunOut · 23/12/2014 17:49

If you have 1, 2, or 47 of the same gender and someone says 'are you hoping for [othersex] this time?' tell them you're pretty damned chuffed with how the current dcs have turned out so another one of that gender is more than fine with you. Only a true arsehole will argue with this.

That or say yes, we're really hoping it's a boy/girl because we've always loved the name Adolf/Chlamydia so fingers crossed. Keep your face straight and look hurt when they laugh.

florentina1 · 23/12/2014 18:55

Paraphrase Jane Austen, "a mother in possession of two sons must need stupid remarks ad nauseum."

Putthatonyourneedles · 23/12/2014 19:34

We recently had dd3 but I've been housebound so I haven't had to deal with done of the more stupid comments but had a few whilst pregnant as we didn't find out the gender.

"Happy and healthy" is all we ask for.

Plus three girls means that for the first 10years we won't need to buy any more clothes.

hackmum · 23/12/2014 19:38

I think "why?" is quite a good answer!

It's so stupid, though - as if you'd be disappointed to have three of the same sex. Looking at friends with kids (I only have one), it often seems to work better when all the children are the same sex - just in terms of doing the same kinds of activities, being able to hand down clothes, share bedrooms and so on. The family dynamic works better. Whereas when it's one of each they tend to have different friends and enjoy doing different things.

Gatehouse77 · 23/12/2014 19:42

Because I had "one of each" some people (like my sister) couldn't understand why we were having a third!

Weird...

dragdownthemoon · 23/12/2014 19:45

Oh the assumption you want a girl after 2 boys is hateful. I have 2 boys and when pregnant with my third this drove me insane. I do find the "why?" quite good although generally people responded, well because you have two boys already!

I found though that people were surprised I was having a third at all. I got asked, in varying ways, if it was planned ("did you plan it?" "Was it an accident?" And my favourite "oh, were you trying for long?" So transparent lol) and when I said it it was planned the only way people could make sense of me WANTING a third child was if I were trying for a girl.

We didn't find out what we were having prior to birth - and even one of the midwives as I went into theatre for my section said "fingers crossed for a girl then!" And after birth came in and said "did you get your girl?!"

Hateful and irritating. I never came up with a good response really. Although I did one say "i don't care, just as long as it is better looking than the other two!" That shut them up, but made me feel a bit guilty as my eldest two are of course gorgeous!!

WD41 · 24/12/2014 00:24

I think it's a bit self absorbed to take offence. People are just making conversation and don't actually care what sex your baby is.

CalleighDoodle · 24/12/2014 07:34

I agree with above. Its conversation, they dont actually care.

I have one of each, which i love. Atm they do the same activities but i know it will get harder logistically when they are older and their interests have changed. But that could be the same for children of the same sex. They are not all stereotypes!

I get asked if I'm having more. Equally i get told one of each is enough from people i assume work for population control at the government, because if they dont that would be incredibly rude! (Mother)

Ijustdontknowwhattodowithmysel · 24/12/2014 08:15

The kind of person that smugly says that a girl and a boy completes your family and insinuates that other people's families are defective because they don't have a girl and a boy deserve not only to have their stupid faces slapped for being so thoughtless for all the people that don't have that for whatever reason, but also deserve only to have friends who believe in the same inane shitty boring philosophies. what a nice time they will have sitting around looking smugly at their perfect widdle pwinces and pwincesses.

Ijustdontknowwhattodowithmysel · 24/12/2014 08:16

Oh and to answer the original question "as long as they grow up as a better human being than you, you c*, I don't mind."

Nibledbyducks · 24/12/2014 10:45

I have three DS's followed by a DD. I used to tell people I was hoping for a baby but a kitten might be nice

WD41 · 24/12/2014 10:47

I don't get the vitriol surrounding this. People are hateful? They need their faces slapping?! If people were genuinely happy with the sexes of their DCs I doubt they'd have such an extreme reaction. There's no shame in wanting one of each you know.

HoHonutty · 24/12/2014 10:48

Love the doggy style one. I'm stealing that next time someone asks me if I wanted a DD.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 24/12/2014 11:12

We have just the one DD. When people asked DW or I what we were hoping for, "a live birth this time" soon shut them up.

FryOneFatManic · 24/12/2014 19:14

WD41
I don't get the vitriol surrounding this. People are hateful? They need their faces slapping?! If people were genuinely happy with the sexes of their DCs I doubt they'd have such an extreme reaction. There's no shame in wanting one of each you know.

The real problem is that there are an awful lot of people out there who assume that a proper, complete family is one boy, one girl. They can't conceive that families can be complete and happy in other ways.

It's clear that there are posters here who have felt upset and annoyed when people with these assumptions have made comments about what sex, etc, these posters ought to be hoping for according to their own assumptions.

FWIW, I have what these thoughtless people would consider perfect, a DD and a DS. But when I was expecting DS, I did get many comments about how I must be hoping for a boy. I always replied the same, I didn't mind what I had, so long as they didn't inherit the hearing problems I've always had.

And some people really pushed it, trying to get me to agree with them that I must secretly want a boy as I already had DD. That was really rude of them, and I quite understand how the OP and other posters feel really cross about these comments.

So, I agree there's no shame in wanting one of each, but equally, people should accept there's no such thing as a perfect family and we don't all want the same thing.

Kristingle · 24/12/2014 22:21

I don't get the vitriol ....

Try seeing it this way -imagine a couple , one is white and one is black. They have one baby who has very dark skin. Would you ask her, when she pregnant, " are you trying for a white / light skinned baby next time ? "

Of course you wouldnt , because it implies that she is unhappy with her black baby and wants a lighter one. Or that light skin is intrinsically better than dark or black skin. And that the main thing about the child is their skin colour .

If a family have a child who is disabled, woudl you ask if they are trying for a NT one next time ? ( I've been there and only one person asked )

No parent likes being told that there is something wrong with the child they have already, and the implication that they might like a diffent type of child next time.

PhaedraIsMyName · 24/12/2014 23:16

I really don't think that analogy stands up.

I can't imagine saying it but really ii is just an attempt to take an interest. Hardly worth getting worked up about.

PhaedraIsMyName · 24/12/2014 23:18

Your last paragraph is a wildly exaggerated spin on what is little more than unimaginative small talk.

EATmum · 24/12/2014 23:49

After DD3 I was shocked to be asked more than once if we would be trying again for a boy. When you feel very lucky and happy, it's so odd for others to feel you must be in some way dissatisfied with your lot.

Lilmissconcerned · 25/12/2014 18:09

I wouldn't let it upset you. I really do believe it's just small talk and chit chat... Xx

wewishyou · 25/12/2014 23:23

Maybe you should make print a t-shirt with "Oh, great, you have an opinion. Thanks for sharing it!" written on it. When someone tells you a rude/dumb thing, you open your cardigan and look at them with the blankest look on your face

wewishyou · 25/12/2014 23:25

Or you can reply that you don't need a boy, you don't plan to make them breed but that's a trashy answer

wewishyou · 25/12/2014 23:27

A girl I meant

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