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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that you will all be able to help me think of an appropriate smartypants retort to this...

73 replies

mameulah · 22/12/2014 23:42

So, I am very happily pregnant with DC3. I know that I am very, very lucky.

DC2 is a very young baby so many people are horrified surprised that I am pregnant again so soon. And then we have the very rude 'you'll be hoping for a girl' comments.

I know it shouldn't but it really offends me. Almost implying that what we have isn't quite right. I wouldn't change our two boys for the world.

Has anyone managed a healthy retort to such a comment? If so, please tell me what you have said!

OP posts:
cinders456 · 23/12/2014 00:37

I have 3 ds and the sheer no of people who commented negatively when I was pregnant! "Oh dear!" "What a nightmare" "poor you" "youll have your work cut out" blah
blah. The height of ignorance... Er.. They already exist!! Stupid lemmongs

BikeRunSki · 23/12/2014 00:37

Dc1 is a DS. When I was expecting dc2 we had a private gender scan and found out we were having a girl at 22 weeks. When people said all the "Oooh one of each" type remarks I said stuff like "actually no, I'm gutted, I really wanted another boy". Which was true 4 years ago, but now I have the most awesomest wee girl in the world Smile

cinders456 · 23/12/2014 00:39

*lemmings

minklundy · 23/12/2014 00:47

I don't usually ask people what they want I ask them what they think they are having because it is interesting how some ppl have strong hunches and others don't. The hunches are still only 50/50 correct though Grin

I thought i was having one of each. Had 2 dd. So was half right. And would have been happy however it has gone. However mil favours girls and always rudely assumes ppl must be delighted with girls.Hmm

minklundy · 23/12/2014 00:48

^and disappointed with boys

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 23/12/2014 00:49

I am very blunt, when pregnant with my 2nd and people said to me are you hoping for a girl. I told them it was none of their business.

I have had my fair share of an auntie of SBCU ( 5 0f my nieces and nephews have been in SBCU) I have seen them cling onto live going from a tiny 3lb- 3.5lb to what they are.

What did i want, to carry my baby to term.

Casmama · 23/12/2014 01:04

I would reply "dear God no, everyone I know with a girl says they're horrendous. I've dodged that bullet twice, just hoping I'll be lucky again" Big grin.

Only to smug mothers of girls of course Wink. It amazes me how concerned people are with the gender of others children but sometimes I think they do know that they are talking nonsense and don't particularly mean it, just making conversation.

UterusUterusGhali · 23/12/2014 01:12

Ach, they're just making chit chat I guess.

What else can they ask about the happy event?
"How's your fanny discharge. Gets reet abundant, don't it?"

"Got piles yet?"

Honestly. It's just something to say

fatowl · 23/12/2014 01:26

Three DDs here- when I had DD3, (now late) FIL actually said "well that's a disappointment".
DH is the last one with his surname in the immediate family (apart from our DDs, and his cousin's DDs- who may well keep the name after all!) and FIL kept going on about how the name "will die with DH".

They are a perfectly ordinary working class family, not an unusual name at all.

I was a fairly passive DIL back then, now I wish I'd said, who the fuck do you think I am? Anne Boleyn?????

Fluffyears · 23/12/2014 01:43

'Will you try for a girl?' Um well you kinda have no choice, you get what you get don't you.

harryhausen · 23/12/2014 10:57

Grin at Fatowls 'Anne Boleyn' retort.

Sometimes you can't win. I have a dd and a ds and have also had the "his clever of you!" comments. Yeah, as f we have a sit down strategic board meeting with the sperm and the chromosomes and came up with this.

However I did get plenty of "oh what a shame because a boy and a girl won't be able to play together". At the time ds was a baby so I thought briefly "oh no"! .....but years on I know that's utter bullshit.

I still don't have a clever retort though.

MrsCurrent · 23/12/2014 11:08

I got this a lot, I would reply 'good God no, I've been a teenage girl, why the hell would I want one of those in the house?'.

TooHasty · 23/12/2014 11:16

To be fair most people want at least one daughter , even if they won't admit it.
But YANBU, it is not a thoughtful thing to say.

Pyjamaramadrama · 23/12/2014 11:25

What a load of rubbish toohasty, I have a ds and I'd love another ds, I'd gladly have an army of boys if I had the money and space.

I've never had any desire for a daughter whatsoever although I will adore my child whatever their gender.

Pyjamaramadrama · 23/12/2014 11:32

Seriously why is it seen as preferable to have a daughter? I just don't get the reasoning behind it.

rememberremember · 23/12/2014 11:36

Oh FGS, I agree with uterus. They don't care whether you are having a girl or a boy, they are just trying to fake show a bit of interest.
Why would you take offence at that?!!!

youarekiddingme · 23/12/2014 11:41

Grin at strategic board meeting of sperm and chromosomes.

I like some of the replies here - especially why? I guess if people meant no harm they can then themselves realise it was just an insensitive comment.

SparklyTwinkleGlitter · 23/12/2014 11:52

Agreed rememberremember, most people are just trying to make polite conversation. They couldn't give a stuff what sex the kid is.

Why do some folk inc. OP feel the need to belittle the enquirer?

Don't they realise how badly it reflects on them?

jollyjester · 23/12/2014 11:57

Congratulations OP! Flowers

I'm one of a large family of girls. When my mum had my youngest sister an elderly relative remarked "I hope that she doesn't go through it all again for nothing" (meaning i hope she gets a boy) Hmm

My mum always joked that she should have called my youngest sister Dear. As it was the standard response from older relatives upon hearing it was a girl "Awk dear dear dear"

Some people have no filter system at all!

Pyjamaramadrama · 23/12/2014 12:10

Sparklytwinkleglitter, I'm not so sure it's just small talk.

Since I've been pregnant people seem to be quite forceful in their opinion that I must want a girl this time. When I say I'd be happy with another boy they frown and say things like "really, why? Don't you want to complete your family?" Don't you want a friend for life? Boys will grow up and leave you you know. It gets weird and beyond small talk.

DixieNormas · 23/12/2014 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MERLYPUSSEDOFF · 23/12/2014 12:37

I was convinced, when expecting twins, I was having one of each and even told some people that I thought that. Towards the end of my pregnancy my mind changed and I somehow knew it would be boys. The amount of people who said I must be terribly disappointed was shocking.

misskangaandroo2014 · 23/12/2014 12:47

I don't understand the 'complete' family comments. I've tried (failed to date) for DC3 and after the first miscarriage someone said 'of course you'll try again, you'll want a complete family'. I have 2 DD. I was Shock and she thought my reaction was just because it was 'too soon' after the miscarriage. Actually, when I had 2 DD and as a single mum I felt my family was complete. Getting married again was not some exercise in symmetry. Nor would another DC!

YouSitOnAThroneOfLies · 23/12/2014 12:48

I think it's okay to ask if someone is hoping for the opposite sex to the DC they already have, I think it's a natural thing to ask, however I utterly resent the implication that I'd have been disappointed with another boy!

I had 2 boys when I was pregnant with DD, and yes, I was rather hoping for a girl, because I'd love to have a girl... BUT I would never have been disappointed if it were a boy! I'd have loved him just the same.
We did discuss the fact that if I were carrying a boy, we might try one more time for a girl, but we'd have no more than 4 children regardless. When I was actually pregnant and so ill with her, I told DH that even if this one was a boy, I didn't want to try again. I was happy with 3 children no matter what they were, I didn't want to be pregnant again! (Different story now DD is nearly 3, and I'm starting to get very broody)

I now have 2 boys and 1 girl and to me that's perfect, I'd never presume to think that that is perfect for every one.
I know a mum who really only wanted boys (fortunately for her that's all she got)

My sister only has 1 boy, and doesn't intend on having any more children at all, I couldn't do that myself, only have 1, but I'd never presume to tell her that she must have another one just because it's what I would do.

People keep asking me when I'm having another, and telling me that I'm wrong when I say we are not planning any more. I'm happy with 3.
I often get this look >> Hmm
I AM happy with 3, yes if we were to fall pregnant unplanned, I'd keep it. But failing an unplanned pregnancy I'm sticking with three. Yes, I'm maternal, yes I'm broody, yes I'm great with kids/natural mother etc. But I have 3 of my own... Is that not enough already? LOL

*And just for the record, in my own experience, my girl is most definitely harder work than my boys were at the same age! I couldn't possibly say this is the case for everyone, but for me it is so so true! Haha

SeverusEsq · 23/12/2014 17:38

For some people it is polite chit chat, but others are certain that one sex is more desirable than the other. I genuinely don't understand that. The sex of the child does not determine their health or their personality. Surely most people in our society just want a happy, healthy baby? That's all I wanted.

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