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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my ex to buy his family presents?

46 replies

LuckyCornish13 · 22/12/2014 20:17

Me and my ex get on fairly well (as well as exes can I guess lol)
Two weeks ago I gave him a carrier bag with cards for his family. I have also bought them each a personalised photo calendar, with all different photos of my son (yes, these are fairly cheap, they work out about £2 each but I've given 11 members of his family and they are lovely looking) which is solely from my son. My ex has now asked me, where are the rest of his family's presents from our son? Eg the "special" auntie presents for his sister, nan, gran etc. Am I being unreasonable to not buy anything else for his family? Just for a little bit of background, I've said for the last couple of months I'm really, really skint and not to buy me anything as I can't return the gesture (his present from my son-as well as the calendar-is a daddy/son box, full of little things like his first babygro that says "I love daddy", his first lock of hair, lots of photos etc) and my ex is in a very well paid job, lives at home, rent free etc. He is also very aware of how brassic I am at the moment, but got pretty pissed off when I told him that I just couldn't do it! My family are receiving the same calendars, and my parents, my nan and my (young) niece and nephews getting an extra present each as well.

I get on well with his family and have asked them not to get me anything this year as I can't return the favour, to which they all said "don't be silly, we know times are hard etc" I know they will anyways, which no doubt I'll feel guilty about!

Am I being unreasonable here?? There's nothing spiteful here, just a very skint mummy trying not to get in debt at Christmas!

OP posts:

GoldfishCrackers · 22/12/2014 20:23

He's got some neck! He's his son too! It's marvellous you did the calendars - I wouldn't have thought presents from your DS for his family would be your responsibility, especially since there's a disparity in finances.
Please tell me he's decent about maintenance?

PhaedraIsMyName · 22/12/2014 20:24

YANBU. He's bonkers. I don't understand the idea of mass present giving to adults. I wouldn't have bothered with what you've done.

Patrickstarxx · 22/12/2014 20:25

Tell him to go and blow a goat.
Some people are so cheeky!

fairgame · 22/12/2014 20:27

YANBU he should be buying presents from his child for his family. I never got anything for my ex's family. I think you have gone above and beyond by getting them all calendars.

Notfastjustfurious · 22/12/2014 20:27

You are most definitely BU but he certainly is. If he wants special presents from HIS son to HIS family he should bloody well buy them. Honestly, the cheek of the man.

Notfastjustfurious · 22/12/2014 20:28

not there should be a nig fat not there!

Daddie0 · 22/12/2014 20:29

i don't think you are being unreasonable at all...
for starters when your skint at Christmas its always the adult presents which should be sacrificed first, so that you can make sure its a good xmas for the kids and it sounds like you have made sure they know that...and you have made the effort even so...and isnt getting personal gifts from your child on his side...his responsibility?

SanityClause · 22/12/2014 20:31

YANBU!

It was lovely of you to do these presents. If he thinks more should be spent on his family, it's up to him to do it. Does he buy "special aunty" presents for your sisters? Thought not!

Aeroflotgirl · 22/12/2014 20:32

He has a brass neck, I would be telling him to sort out his families presents from his son, cheeky beggar.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/12/2014 20:33

Ask him where are ds presents to your family from him.

Original poster

LuckyCornish13 · 22/12/2014 20:33

I've done the calendars every Christmas since our son was born (when me and him were together) and everyone has always said what lovely, sweet presents they are and, his family are so good to my son, I want them to have them, if that makes sense? And my ex wouldn't think to do them lol. He pays what he has to, but sometimes it is begrudgingly!

OP posts:

Lweji · 22/12/2014 20:36

Definitely don't give them more than you give your own family.
His family, his responsibility. He should be doing the cards and all that sort and they should call him up on it, not you (not saying they are, btw).

Original poster

LuckyCornish13 · 22/12/2014 20:45

Thank you for all the comments!! My friend has said exactly the same (in slightly more colourful language) but wanted an unbiased perspective!

OP posts:

championnibbler · 22/12/2014 20:46

No wonder he's your ex.
YANBU.

londonrach · 22/12/2014 20:55

Like areoflot comment

londonrach · 22/12/2014 20:56

Aeroflot!

Aeroflotgirl · 22/12/2014 22:06

Or you give me the money and I will buy those presents, no money no presents!

CakeLady1 · 22/12/2014 22:15

He's a tit.
End of.

HermioneWeasley · 22/12/2014 22:21

Unanimous AIBU - a rare thing. Of COURSE it's not your responsibility to buy anything for his family. It's lovely you do the calendars. He sounds like a prince though - how did you let that catch slip through your fingers?

Stripyhoglets · 22/12/2014 22:23

Calendars sound lovely and it's good that you will keep doing them for his family, I'm sure they appreciate it as he wouldn't do them if you didn't. In response to his query as to where the rest of the presents are the reply is "why the fuck do you think that is my responsibility and not yours?!" Cheeky sod.

2rebecca · 22/12/2014 23:00

Agree with the others. His relatives should be old enough to understand your son is too young to buy presents so any presents they receive are from his parents. If they now receive presents pretending to be from him then they will assume they are from his father as they don't buy you presents so why should you buy them them?
I've never seen the point of special presents pretending to be from children who have no money or shopping ability and have just added my kids names to presents from us.
Your ex has to realise that now you are separated he is the shopping fairy for his family.

Cooki3Monst3r · 23/12/2014 00:45

WTF?!?!?! Cheeky fucker. I cannot possibly repeat what I'd say to that.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 23/12/2014 01:46

How are you so skint. I know you have said he pays what he has to, but imo a good father would go above that if he could.

As for Christmas presents, I am an auntie to 12 and tbh I really love the homemade cards from the younger ones and the older ones a text saying merry Christmas. I don't want anything from them but a text or a card made from their own art supplies without prompt is priceless.

My siblings what I exept is for them to make memory with their own little families.

My own mother and father would be livid if I went skint over Christmas to get them a present.

My in laws are the same.

The calendars is an amazing idea.

mimishimmi · 23/12/2014 03:45

It sounds like he's hoping you'll do his Xmas shopping for him as it might have been something you did when you were both together. YANBU and he needs to do it himself.

Italiangreyhound · 23/12/2014 04:11

YANBU.

He should be buying his own family presents. Just go broken record and say you can't afford it. Calendars are lovely and personal.

Happy Christmas.

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