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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my ex to buy his family presents?

46 replies

LuckyCornish13 · 22/12/2014 20:17

Me and my ex get on fairly well (as well as exes can I guess lol)
Two weeks ago I gave him a carrier bag with cards for his family. I have also bought them each a personalised photo calendar, with all different photos of my son (yes, these are fairly cheap, they work out about £2 each but I've given 11 members of his family and they are lovely looking) which is solely from my son. My ex has now asked me, where are the rest of his family's presents from our son? Eg the "special" auntie presents for his sister, nan, gran etc. Am I being unreasonable to not buy anything else for his family? Just for a little bit of background, I've said for the last couple of months I'm really, really skint and not to buy me anything as I can't return the gesture (his present from my son-as well as the calendar-is a daddy/son box, full of little things like his first babygro that says "I love daddy", his first lock of hair, lots of photos etc) and my ex is in a very well paid job, lives at home, rent free etc. He is also very aware of how brassic I am at the moment, but got pretty pissed off when I told him that I just couldn't do it! My family are receiving the same calendars, and my parents, my nan and my (young) niece and nephews getting an extra present each as well.

I get on well with his family and have asked them not to get me anything this year as I can't return the favour, to which they all said "don't be silly, we know times are hard etc" I know they will anyways, which no doubt I'll feel guilty about!

Am I being unreasonable here?? There's nothing spiteful here, just a very skint mummy trying not to get in debt at Christmas!

OP posts:

HighwayDragon · 23/12/2014 07:31

I buy nothing for xps family, or xp it sets a precedent I am just not willing to keep up with.

tanukiton · 23/12/2014 07:52

gosh wonder why he is your x........

YonicSleighdriver · 23/12/2014 07:58

Wow, he may be the most unreasonable man ever.

Blondebiker4685 · 23/12/2014 08:02

Don't offer to buy them gifts if he gives you the cash. You need to step away from that responsibility clearly. He can organise gifts if he wants. What you have organised is very thoughtful and balanced

Blondebiker4685 · 23/12/2014 08:04

the calendar if from you and DS really so he needs to do something from himself and DS

EhricJinglingHisBallsOnHigh · 23/12/2014 08:28

He's an idiot.

FunkyBoldRibena · 23/12/2014 08:30

My ex has now asked me, where are the rest of his family's presents from our son?

'I don't know - where are the rest of your family's present from your son?'

FunkyBoldRibena · 23/12/2014 08:31

Just go broken record and say you can't afford it.

No, don't go broken record that you can't afford it.

Go broken record that it is his responsibility to get his own family presents from his own son.

VitalStollenFix · 23/12/2014 08:33

I agree. Broken record that his family are his responsibility. You buy gifts for your family and he does the same.

Do not act like it's something you would do if only you had the cash, otherwise you are saying that you agree that it is your responsibility!

2rebecca · 23/12/2014 08:35

Agree with above. If he doesn't do little presents for your family from his son then why should he expect you to do them from his? They aren't presents from your son they're presents from you and buying his family presents is now his responsibility. He can choose whose name he puts on the labels eg from him and son or just son.

YonicSleighdriver · 23/12/2014 08:40

He's one of those cocks who, because he begrudgingly pays maintenance, thinks that he has outsourced everything to do with his child to the other parent, isn't he?

puntasticusername · 23/12/2014 08:40

does he work longer hours than you, so he assumes you'll have more time for Christmas shopping?

Not that that's any excuse - as everyone has said, there's no way that providing presents for HIS family at YOUR expense is your responsibility. The calendars you've already done are more than enough and a lovely, thoughtful gift in their own right.

YonicSleighdriver · 23/12/2014 08:58

Puntastic, perhaps he has not also heard of Amazon, poor lamb?

puntasticusername · 23/12/2014 09:15

Well EXACTLY patpat poor little lamb...

NobodyLivesHere · 23/12/2014 09:19

You mean you haven't done your ex's Christmas shopping for him?? You utterly unreasonable arse.

flippinada · 23/12/2014 09:32

What you have done is very kind and you sound like a lovely, generous person. Your ex has got a bloody cheek.

Tell the lazy waste of space (I'm moderating my language here) to buy his own presents - working full time is no excuse not to. I do it and have somehow managed to get presents for my DS, family and friends.

flippinada · 23/12/2014 09:37

Having scanned through the thread I must say I can't imagine why you are no longer with this absolute prince amongst men. Someone needs to hand his lazy, freeloading arse to him on a platter.

Lweji · 23/12/2014 09:37

LTB
Oh, wait...

MistressDeeCee · 23/12/2014 09:44

Why are you even taking this on board, OP? His family sound cool with your present arrangements anyway. In your shoes I simply wouldn't even care enough to be invested in what he thinks/says about such a trivial matter.

crazykat · 23/12/2014 12:52

He's bonkers. If he wants presents for his family from his son then it's down to him to buy them.

Tell him you'll buy presents for his family from ds when he buys presents for your family from ds.

IDontDoIroning · 23/12/2014 16:22

HIBTOTALLYU
I wouldn't even reply to him. If he asks again just say - ha ha good joke.

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