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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to just completely ignore my horrid MIL?

38 replies

DisneyDivaWoo · 22/12/2014 17:27

Urghhh I have had enough of the horrid old crone. She invites herself over every week. If we say we're busy she comes along to whatever we are doing even if she is told not to out right! She invited herself over today (even though I'm really poorly and the boiler repair blokes are here). After listening to her fanny about all day, making a fuss out of nothing and constantly telling me 4 yr old off I have decided to be a cow back. She wanted to go shopping today for Christmas food (for us all as she invited herself and her own mam for xmas eve until the day after boxing day). I said I would be going later on tonight and she's sat in a huff. She buys shit that no one will eat accept herself anyway! I'm sick of her taking over and being a bitch. It sounds petty but she's been like this since before I had my 4 yr old DD. She was the main reason I got Pnd. I'm now 17 weeks with baby number 2 and she's already telling me to let her have my 4 yr old more (Friday - Sunday). We have already argued over this as my DD has anxiety and came into my room crying about us not wanting her to be around when baby2 is here and how Nanna wants to take her away. MIL now thinks I should hand over my baby as she will need to bond with her grandbaby. She said I need to get over it all as I will always have one child at home.
My dh doesn't want to go no contact (he's the only one out of four who talk to her) as he feels sorry for her. Even though he is starting to notice her being horrible tone more. So if I have to put up with her AIBU to ignore her?

OP posts:
SquinkiesRule · 22/12/2014 17:38

Put your foot down, yanbu. She needs to learn it's not her house and not her child.

YouTheCat · 22/12/2014 17:41

Be as rude back.

TheCatsFlaps · 22/12/2014 17:41

YANBU. It speaks volumes that DH is the only one to talk to her.

Sn00p4d · 22/12/2014 17:42

Where is your DH in all of this if he's the one who wants a relationship with her?

Original poster
DisneyDivaWoo · 22/12/2014 17:44

She comes every year at xmas too and this year she's bringing Nanna because she can't deal with her dementia alone. It's going to be a hard yr for Nanna as grandad died boxing day so everyone is going to be crying and my fella is at work. So I have to deal with them two, being ill and my 4 year old who should find xmas magical not sad. Next yr she has said they are coming and I said we are going on holiday. Just me, dh, DD and our baby. Can't be dealing with this crap. I'm starting to resent the holidays!

OP posts:
Original poster
DisneyDivaWoo · 22/12/2014 17:45

He's at work a lot or she tends to say things when he is out of ear shot. I sat crying last night and my dh thinks I have anxiety again Sad

OP posts:
Cocolepew · 22/12/2014 17:47

Kick her out. I've done it to my MIL more than once. She doesn't get over the door if DH isn't here.

Cocolepew · 22/12/2014 17:47

Kick her out. I've done it to my MIL more than once. She doesn't get over the door if DH isn't here.

ILovePud · 22/12/2014 17:49

Sorry to hear your having a hard time, I do think there's a middle ground between going NC and letting her walk all over you though. I'm curious as to where your DH was today, was it him who let her in? If not I'd just say "I'm busy/not feeling well" and shutting the door. She has no qualms about being rude or pushy so you'll have to be really firm in your boundaries.

Original poster
DisneyDivaWoo · 22/12/2014 17:49

She's getting worse. I think we have let it go on for too long. When I said she was taking over when my DD was a baby dh said it was all in my head and that I should let her have her one day a week. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
DisneyDivaWoo · 22/12/2014 17:52

It was dh last day off before boxing day so she decided to hijack it and once she was here he doesn't like sending her away as its an hours drive and a taxi brings her.

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 22/12/2014 17:55

Start recording the bitch when your alone with her and then play back what she says to your DH.

There is no way I would ever let someone invite themselves to Christmas neither would my DH.

You really do need to stand up to her OP,best of luck and I hope you have a nice Christmas. Flowers

Dipankrispaneven · 22/12/2014 17:56

YABU to call her an old crone. It doesn't sound as if she is that old if her mother is still around.

Original poster
DisneyDivaWoo · 22/12/2014 17:57

Old crone is.much nicer than what I wanted to call her.

OP posts:
ILovePud · 22/12/2014 17:59

That's really tough, I think it will be hard to tackle this but I think you and your wellbeing should be your DH's priority. Can you have an honest talk about how much this distresses you and how it contributed to your PND and then agree some boundaries?

Original poster
DisneyDivaWoo · 22/12/2014 18:02

He doesn't seem to think it's that bad because he doesn't here everything she says to me. I'm really worried about my pregnancy and the birth of my second and getting Pnd again. Maybe I should ring crime stoppers and report her for stealing - then she will end.up in jail away from us Sad

OP posts:
Mintyy · 22/12/2014 18:06

Fgs, you don't like her, fair enough. Stop referring to her as an old crone and an old bitch and you might get some more considered replies! How can one person be responsible for your pnd?

This old crone and this bitch gave birth to the man you love (I hope?) and is your dd's grandma. She might well be a really difficult person with no boundaries and all sorts of other problems. But you will get very little sympathy from me while you refer to her in such sexist and ageist terms.

ILovePud · 22/12/2014 18:10

What's she stealing Disney? It's telling that your DH's three siblings don't speak to her, what are your relationships with them like? They could be useful allies. I wonder if you have the option of taking DD off to visit others when she descends?

Original poster
DisneyDivaWoo · 22/12/2014 18:17

I'm sorry if your offended minty but she really making my life hell.
She's stealing money from her own mother who has dementia. We are taking estate type of money and with her husband dying last night she is also tucking into that money. My husband has told.me not to get involved and to keep put of it. Then when she comes she's throwing money around like royalty. My DD thinks Nanna is buying her nice presents when really she is stealing money to live a life of luxury.

OP posts:
Original poster
DisneyDivaWoo · 22/12/2014 18:18

talking not taking*

OP posts:
Tryharder · 22/12/2014 18:27

I didn't read one thing in your OP where I could say that, yes, your MIL is mad, rude or unreasonable.

So I don't understand why others are agreeing with you. You, yourself sound bitchy and unreasonable.

I think you are deliberately writing a goady MIL post myself just to wind everyone up.

Original poster
DisneyDivaWoo · 22/12/2014 18:29

If I come across bitchy it's because I've had enough. I'm not making anything up. I might be a hormonal mess at the moment but I've been bleeding since 6 weeks pregnant and the woman loves to make my life complicated. She told me on the phone she loves winding me up because it's funny to see me stressed out. Sad I'm sorry if it doesn't seem realistic

OP posts:
Lymmmummy · 22/12/2014 18:39

I think perhaps it's time to reduce contact and try a different approach for Christmas - ie next year could you go to your family and let her know well in advance? Or if this isn't possibke go away on holiday? Secondly she seems to be deliberatley avoiding boundaries - ie you tell her you are unavailable and she ignores you - perhaps you are not being clear enough with her - or perhaps you shouldn't tell her what you are doing so she cannot just turn up and join you . I think you are trying too hard with her

clam · 22/12/2014 18:43

I agree with mintyy that the way you speak about her makes uncomfortable reading.

GraysAnalogy · 22/12/2014 18:48

OP I'm going to ignore all the old stuff because it's quite evident you're at the end of your tether and emotional.

You need to put your foot down, especially before baby number two. This isn't fair on you or your children.

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