AIBU to just completely ignore my horrid MIL?

[DisneyDivaWoo]

Urghhh I have had enough of the horrid old crone. She invites herself over every week. If we say we're busy she comes along to whatever we are doing even if she is told not to out right! She invited herself over today (even though I'm really poorly and the boiler repair blokes are here). After listening to her fanny about all day, making a fuss out of nothing and constantly telling me 4 yr old off I have decided to be a cow back. She wanted to go shopping today for Christmas food (for us all as she invited herself and her own mam for xmas eve until the day after boxing day). I said I would be going later on tonight and she's sat in a huff. She buys shit that no one will eat accept herself anyway! I'm sick of her taking over and being a bitch. It sounds petty but she's been like this since before I had my 4 yr old DD. She was the main reason I got Pnd. I'm now 17 weeks with baby number 2 and she's already telling me to let her have my 4 yr old more (Friday - Sunday). We have already argued over this as my DD has anxiety and came into my room crying about us not wanting her to be around when baby2 is here and how Nanna wants to take her away. MIL now thinks I should hand over my baby as she will need to bond with her grandbaby. She said I need to get over it all as I will always have one child at home.
My dh doesn't want to go no contact (he's the only one out of four who talk to her) as he feels sorry for her. Even though he is starting to notice her being horrible tone more. So if I have to put up with her AIBU to ignore her?

Surely your dh doesn't have to go nc for you to.
My Mum could have cheerfully burned my Nan's house down (Dad's Mum) so he went round there without her and she didn't come to ours.

You may have reason to dislike her but your language-"old crone"etc make you sound unreasonable-also "buys shit" is a matter of opinion-she buys things you don't like and she does like.
The reply calling her "the bitch" also sounds unreasonable.
She is definitely being unreasonable to invite herself -there is a middle way of setting boundaries before considering NC.
You may have perfectly valid reasons for not wanting contact with her but you don't explain them-just spout abuse and expect people to agree with you.

The OP is clearly at the end of her tether with this woman who is making her life a misery. Old crone isn't the worst she could call her!

If you can have a calm and rational conversation with your DH about how to cope with her long term then if she steps over the line you have both agreed then you will have his backing when you kick her out for it.

I agree with the person who said to record her so you get a record of the snide bitchy comments for your DH to hear.

For 20yrs I put up with utterly mean comments from my MIL. Sometimes I'd bite back but it never worked and my DH would never believe me. That was until 3 months ago when he was filming our baby attempting to stand (whilst at their house) and boom, bitchy comment caught on video and one very sheepish and slightly ashamed ("I never believed you, oh my god!!") DH.

It doesn't sound like your mil is your problem to be honest I'd say it's your dh.
He goes off to work and you've to entertain them, he's not around, doesn't take your issues or feelings seriously, no wonder mil takes the piss.
It comes across as a lack of respect for you and you sound a bit doormatish until you reach a point (this point perhaps?!) where you're ready to explode.
I agree with pp, put your foot down, set some boundaries and enforce them, stop taking responsibility for her when she's your DHs mother, if all else fails, as stated above, nothing to stop you going nc, dh can see her at her own home, take dcs on occasion, you don't have to lay eyes on the woman.

I agree with Snoop. Your DH is a large part of the problem here.

I do believe she (/they) caused or exacerbated pnd for you - some people are just that toxic!

I think recording her antics is a good idea, however, your DH is not being supportive of you at all, if you have to go to those lengths to prove your word to him.

Were she my mil, she would not be allowed into my home and I would meet her with dd, for them to spend time together. If she is so insensitive that she's causing your dds anxiety to worsen, did shouldn't be exposed to her without measures in place (you!) to protect her.

Keep venting, you need to get it off your chest and I really think you are entitled to use any language you wish, in doing so!

I agree that you need to put your foot down, your dh needs to step up and help manage his DM and this habit of putting up with her bitchery and demands needs to stop.

She sounds just like my own dear MIL. I totally, totally get it. You aren't a bad person for feeling this way, please ignore those who are saying that you are.

I'm completely at a loss as to how mine made DH and his siblings such well rounded individuals while she seems to have the social abilities of a bull in a china shop and the manners of a pig!

I secretly take great pleasure I'm the few occasions I've got the bravery up to challenge her rudeness or ignore it and send her into a huff for a few days. So I say enjoy the Christmas shopping huffing for now, soon enough she'll be back to her old ways...

You are not alone OP!!!

It speaks volumes that your DH is the only one of her children who speaks to her. Tell her to fuck off.

Tell her to get out of your house and refuse to allow her access to it unless her DS deals with her. Tell her you will call the police to have her removed if she refuses to go.

If your DH is not there, she stays out.

Just because a husband is a decent human being is not always anything to do with his mother/parents.

To say you have to put up with shit because of your children or your DH is ridiculous.

I totally get it OP, my MIL is the same and you sound like you are at the end of your tether.

I am stuck with mine all the time as my DH is an only child and my DD (who is only 6) adores her grandmother who constantly buys love with sweets and expensive presents all the time. Meanwhile MIL is horrid to me and comes out with passive agressive remarks all the time such as the classsic "oh Stormy, I would love to have big fat arms like yours" .

My MIL (like yours) turns up in a taxi at my house whenever she feels likes it even if we have specifially told her not to as we have plans. I have found no solution to this as my DH has been brainwashed over the years and is scared to confront her, if I challenge her about anything she just turns on the tears in front of my DD and upsets the whole family so I just tend to keep out of the way when she is in my house.

Would you be able to say to your DH that you are not happy with your MIL visiting your home but he can see her at her own house and take your DD with him as often as he likes. This would not work for me as my MIL is a obsessive hoarder so I would not be happy to let my DD go there.

Sorry this has turned into a massive post but at least you know you are not alone.

Tell her to get lost and just don't care! She sounds like a right pain!

You sound horribly stressed OP Particularly about the PND risk. Have you got a supportive midwife on side to help you plan to manage this time around? For now, can you escape for a long bath or plead pregnancy tiredness to dh, escape to a friend or relative for an evening?

*THE evening. Not 'an' evening, it's today you really need the break!