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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DH is trying to throw a spanner in the works about my day out?

79 replies

ikeaaddict · 22/12/2014 16:47

Every year at Christmas time I have a morning with a group of friends shopping in a nearby town, and then we go to lunch at a favourite pub. Tomorrow is the day we are going. I asked DH ages ago if he'd keep tomorrow free to have the DCs (he is self employed), and he agreed.

Anyway, DH has decided in the past few days that he wants to have my car tomorrow, as he has recently swapped his car for a 2 seater work vehicle which is much bigger than my little car, and so it can't fit the kids in. If I'm honest I don't feel particularly confident driving his new car, let alone going to a busy town and having to park it up etc - it's huge! Also I was going to be giving 3 friends a lift but obviously now I can only take one of them. And also I know for a fact that DH won't actually do anything or take the kids anywhere; he'll just watch sport or a film on the tv. And I'll be back pretty early anyway.

I have tried explaining all of the above to him and saying I'd like to just take my little car but he's having none of it. But then on the other hand he keeps saying not to biff his new vehicle and I know if I did biff into another car with it he'd shout at me and go mad. I feel like he's just doing it to be awkward. There are plenty of times when he's taken my car keys to work in the past by mistake and I've been car-less for the day, and I've just got on with it. It's not like he wants to go anywhere.

He also has the hump a bit about not working tomorrow, and keeps going on about it as if it is some huge favour to me. He's had christmas nights out, three in the past couple of weeks.

This isn't relevant but just in case someone throws the "is he the main/sole earner?" thing into the mix, I work too.

AIBU to think he's just being awkward?

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 22/12/2014 16:49

Just take your car! He has no valid reason for wanting it. 'No, I'm taking my own thanks.' End of discussion.

Original poster
ikeaaddict · 22/12/2014 16:49

I can't face him sulking for days. He will seem accepting of it but will be sulking and trying to cause arguments and rows for days.

when I tried to talk to him he said I was trying to leave him stranded in the house with the kids and made me feel guilty

OP posts:
LineRunner · 22/12/2014 16:50

He is being ridiculous.

CatsClaus · 22/12/2014 16:51

"errrrrr..no, I need the car, I am picking up three others, and I can't get them in yours"

ignore the sulking, make a plan to kill him if he goes off with your keys ever again and make sure you have a lovely time.

LineRunner · 22/12/2014 16:51

Where do you live? The top of Snowdon?

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 22/12/2014 16:52

TBH I'm with him - I wouldn't be happy being left with the children and the car they won't fit in.

Having said that though, his attitude stinks.

Original poster
ikeaaddict · 22/12/2014 16:52

LOL no, we live on the outskirts of a town; there are buses every 10 minutes into town, not that he'd want to go there anyway as he hates it!

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 22/12/2014 16:52

Meh. Let him get on with it. My Oh used to do this, he doesn't any more because he gets absolutely no reaction from me (and it dawned on him he was being a total bellend). Take your car, have a great time and let him have a strop if he wants one.

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 22/12/2014 16:52

Ask him in front of the kids where he is planning on taking them tomorrow. Then at least he'll have to take them somewhere amazing if he's tell them he's going to, OR he'll have to admit he'll stay home and you can take the car ;)

NanFlanders · 22/12/2014 16:52

My dh can't drive and he manages to take the kids out every day....

KnackeredMerrily · 22/12/2014 16:53

Take your car. Leave him a map of a nice local walk. Grin

He wont grump for days, Christmas will distract him

bobs123 · 22/12/2014 16:53

YANBU - he is being a twat! Don't pussy foot around - tell him he's had his fun, you want some too and you're taking your car.

Have fun Xmas Grin

Original poster
ikeaaddict · 22/12/2014 16:53

To be fair though LeftoverTurkey, he chose to have a 2 seater vehicle when he could have had a 4 seater one, and as I said he definitely won't be going anywhere.

OP posts:
toldmywrath · 22/12/2014 16:54

He is being awkward. Just ask your friends if they'd mind if you all (including yourself OP) used public transport or club together for a taxi/ask a relative to drop you in the town.
He is making a big deal out of this- spoilt brattish behaviour, they are his children as well after all.

bloodyteenagers · 22/12/2014 16:55

He should have considered his children when he bought a useless 2 seater. He is standing himself. If he had considered his commitments he would not be in this predicament... Aslo he wants
To sulk let him. Tell the man child that you are also taking his keys, children are not allowed to drive.

Original poster
ikeaaddict · 22/12/2014 16:55

toldmywrath that's exactly it; total spoilt brattish behaviour!

OP posts:
NanFlanders · 22/12/2014 16:55

Though of course, if you all got the bus/taxi, you could have a little Christmas drinkie.....

toldmywrath · 22/12/2014 16:56

Plus get a spare set of keys for the next time he 'accidentally' takes your set to work.

TheCraicDealer · 22/12/2014 16:58

When he starts going on about you "abandoning" him say, "what, like you did to me on those three nights out?", then scamper out the door and into your practical vehicle.

Or offer to get the bus/train to the place you're doing your shopping on the condition that he collects you from town later. Means you can have a few Christmas drinks with lunch. You'll soon find that he'll prefer to be housebound for a day than fight three kids into a small car to collect his merry wife during Christmas shopping fever.

whois · 22/12/2014 16:59

Only a twat would buy a 2 seater for their car as a parent unless you're able to be a three car family.

Chandon · 22/12/2014 16:59

don'y allow him to throw the spanner in.

He is trying to spoil your fun.

I'd be bloody annoyed in your shoes!And also be upfront and confront him about it. As if he thinks you do not "deserve" a bit of time out, why not?

You probably need to go out more often. Maybe he is so used to you picking up the slack regarding home and kids it all comes as a bit of a shock to him, and seems unreasonable to him as you normally never do it.

In which case you need to go out a lot more often.

DextersMistress · 22/12/2014 17:00

Yes, I think I'd leave him the car and get the bus/a cab and have a bottle of wine.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 22/12/2014 17:01

Option A
No problem dear, I've offered lifts to people though so I'll have to take a cab. So the day out will be XXX more expensive.
Option B
"Sorry honey - you'll go mental if I ding your car. You'll just have to manage"
Option C
"That's fine dear but are you sure you are going to use it? I'm not going to take your car as parking/town will be mental and you'll go mad if the car gets damaged by some idiot with a trolley, so I'll have to leave an hour earlier and get home an hour later to do it on public transport..."

I'd go with Option C myself and apologise to those you've offered lifts to. Enjoy the extra time.

Littleturkish · 22/12/2014 17:04

Definitely get a taxi and drink! He's being a cock.

Original poster
ikeaaddict · 22/12/2014 17:05

I can't drink alcohol at the moment due to medication that I'm on....

When he said about me leaving my car and taking his, he said it in a really stroppy, wide-eyed, smirky way, sort of "Well, don't expect to take your car if you're off gallavanting" type undertones.

OP posts: