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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DH is trying to throw a spanner in the works about my day out?

79 replies

ikeaaddict · 22/12/2014 16:47

Every year at Christmas time I have a morning with a group of friends shopping in a nearby town, and then we go to lunch at a favourite pub. Tomorrow is the day we are going. I asked DH ages ago if he'd keep tomorrow free to have the DCs (he is self employed), and he agreed.

Anyway, DH has decided in the past few days that he wants to have my car tomorrow, as he has recently swapped his car for a 2 seater work vehicle which is much bigger than my little car, and so it can't fit the kids in. If I'm honest I don't feel particularly confident driving his new car, let alone going to a busy town and having to park it up etc - it's huge! Also I was going to be giving 3 friends a lift but obviously now I can only take one of them. And also I know for a fact that DH won't actually do anything or take the kids anywhere; he'll just watch sport or a film on the tv. And I'll be back pretty early anyway.

I have tried explaining all of the above to him and saying I'd like to just take my little car but he's having none of it. But then on the other hand he keeps saying not to biff his new vehicle and I know if I did biff into another car with it he'd shout at me and go mad. I feel like he's just doing it to be awkward. There are plenty of times when he's taken my car keys to work in the past by mistake and I've been car-less for the day, and I've just got on with it. It's not like he wants to go anywhere.

He also has the hump a bit about not working tomorrow, and keeps going on about it as if it is some huge favour to me. He's had christmas nights out, three in the past couple of weeks.

This isn't relevant but just in case someone throws the "is he the main/sole earner?" thing into the mix, I work too.

AIBU to think he's just being awkward?

OP posts:
LumpySpacedPrincess · 22/12/2014 17:06

Is he normally so controlling?

Original poster
ikeaaddict · 22/12/2014 17:06

I just feel that any time I arrange anything for myself he ends up doing something to take the shine off it just a little for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
ikeaaddict · 22/12/2014 17:07

Yes he is fairly controlling. But in a very subtle way. He hates it if I will not go along with what he wants, or if I ever act assertively.

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 22/12/2014 17:08

He sounds like a twat, an inadequate one at that

And who planted the idea in your head that it makes any difference at all who is the main earner ? Him ?

He isn't your boss

3littlefrogs · 22/12/2014 17:10

Book and share a taxi.
Then you can have a drink with your meal.

Original poster
ikeaaddict · 22/12/2014 17:10

I think that he thinks he is my boss.

I've been working for a few months now after being a SAHM for a while but he made me feel like a second class citizen whilst I was a SAHM and would just blow up at me if he felt something wasn't done up to standard and then tried to make me justify my time to him.

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 22/12/2014 17:10

oops - hadn't read the whole thread.
Still share a taxi. much easier all round.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 22/12/2014 17:11

Doesn't sound like any way to live. Just do what you want to do, if he sulks then call him on it.

If you are acting in a reasonable manner then you should not have to adjust your behaviour.

Boomtownsurprise · 22/12/2014 17:12

The car is frankly the least of your issues. I'd be educating myself on the relationships board big time about emotional abuse.

3littlefrogs · 22/12/2014 17:14

Actually - this isn't about your outing or the cars. It is about him being a nasty, controlling man-child.

bobs123 · 22/12/2014 17:15

Please please be as forceful as you can and tell him what's what in no uncertain terms (which is what I should have done to my stbx years and years ago when he did the same with his subtly controlling shit comments. Put a stop to it right now!!!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 22/12/2014 17:15

Ugh he sounds like a tool. Does he have any good points ?

HamPortCourt · 22/12/2014 17:17

Take your car.

Let him sulk - why are you pandering to him?

Tell him straight you are on to his attempts to control you and it can't go on.

DraggingDownDownDown · 22/12/2014 17:17

Time you stood up to him and show him that you are in fact an equal to him and therefore deserve his respect. Take your keys now and hide them as they may be "misplaced" by tomorrow.

Tell him that you are going out and ignore any strops etc. That is his problem not your's.

ShipwreckedAndMerrilyComatose · 22/12/2014 17:19

I agree. Take your car and ignore the sulking. make it your mission to enjoy Christmas inspite of his little baby tantrums. This is unacceptable.

BestZebbie · 22/12/2014 17:20

...Am I the only one who feels it is sensible to leave him the car that can fit all the DCs in, in case there is a sudden need for a trip to the hospital on which he would obviously have to bring all of the children he was looking after at that moment? Otherwise he is quite awkwardly stuck in that situation (harder to get a taxi exactly the minute you call just before xmas with a potentially bleeding/broken-limbed child included in the situation than to just get in the car).

On the other hand, OP, if you dont want to risk his car, get a taxi. And it is annoying of him to try to switch on you if that means you have to then let down friends - whilst the hospital thing is a consideration, if you only had one car between you, he would just have to cope!

SistersOfPercy · 22/12/2014 17:23

Am I the only one who feels it is sensible to leave him the car that can fit all the DCs in, in case there is a sudden need for a trip to the hospital on which he would obviously have to bring all of the children he was looking after at that moment?

How do you think millions of other families manage who don't have access to one let alone two vehicles? If you lived your life based on 'what if' scenarios you'd lead a very dull life.

Starlightbright1 · 22/12/2014 17:25

The thing you need to think is if your kids sulked for not getting there own way what would you do..He sulks because it gets the response he wants/

Nanny0gg · 22/12/2014 17:25

Am I the only one who feels it is sensible to leave him the car that can fit all the DCs in, in case there is a sudden need for a trip to the hospital

My DiL would be stuffed then as she has no second car and the buses run every hour. And it would take two hours to get there.

She can't leave her car for that possible chance.

OP - stand up to him and take your car. Just pick the keys up and walk out.

What can he do? If he sulks at least you won't have to listen to him.

Your NY resolution needs to be deciding what you want out of life and a marriage.

ShipwreckedAndMerrilyComatose · 22/12/2014 17:27

Sudden need for trip to hospital = ambulance

dreamingbohemian · 22/12/2014 17:30

I agree, take your car and let him sulk if need be. Then after the holidays give some serious thought as to why you are still with such a twat.

Littlef00t · 22/12/2014 17:30

You've already offered lifts to your friends, you can't change the plans now.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 22/12/2014 17:32

He is trying to ruin your fun.

Your New Year's resolution should be to leave him. He sounds like a nasty piece of work. Who tries to ruin their partner's Xmas meal out? This issue is the least of your worries from what you've said!

MorrisZapp · 22/12/2014 17:34

He's got three kids and his car has two seats? This seems really odd to me.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 22/12/2014 17:40

Well, it's a lad's car, innit

That's what he sees himself as, obviously. A single lad.

Not a Family Man. Anything else is just wimminz work.