Quick check - foreign MIL talking in English, does this come across as racist?

[20109NC]

Have NC and about to go downstairs so won't be back for an hour or so.

MIL (white) here (UK), speaks very little English. Mostly we visit her abroad. FIL died five years ago and since then she goes on regular holidays to Kenya with similarly aged ladies (70s) - the other women go there explicitly for sex tourism. We think probably naively MIL just enjoys the attention, she pays various 'English teachers' to sit with her all day, tell her how good her English is and she sends them regular gifts when she goes home (she is wealthy) and enjoys showing her friends many emails from them telling her how much they love her and miss her etc. To me this is akin to Western men going to Thailand or similar for sex, I find it deeply exploitative and wrong.

She will periodically say, in a very loud voice (I had totally forgotten this before yesterday) "I love black men!!" In her home country, few understand, but she saw a group of black men last night (we were out for drinks, fortunately walking down the street), pointed at them, burst out cackling and shouted really loudly, "I LOVE BLACK MEN!!!" Because we know the context (of her holidays), we both found it cringy and told her that in English you don't really say that... but that's not exactly true. She didn't really understand so I think she will say it again.

If we told her it sounded racist in English she would be horrified and not say it, she doesn't know enough English to know whether or not that is true.

Honestly, if you heard someone shout this in the street, does it sound racist in any way or is it just because we know about the sex tourism that it sits uncomfortably with us? I think it comes across as pervy at the very least. She is here for two weeks so before all our neighbours start hating us I wanted to check. Last time we stayed with her for three days and she said it about four times. She loves talking about her holidays and the people she meets so it comes up a lot.

HeraldAngel, if it's Africa you'd like to visit alone, Senegal (Casamance region in the south) and Ghana (Accra) I found to be much less upsetting. They come up to beg but not to offer sex. I never felt in any danger being alone, but I don't like being propositioned! Tunisia and Morocco are also relatively free from sex-tourism, but begging is rife there too. I just adore Africa, particularly the West.

I would think he was a knob and embarrassing. Some people just prefer a particular race for their romantic relationship.

Are they being a racist?

Haha. A bit pervy I have to say, rather than racist. Now - A girl I went to uni with, was from Latvia, and there they say "neger" or something - so it sounds racist. In the gym once, (looking at a black lad) she was proclaiming very loudly that she 'loves negers', 'neger men are so sexy', and so on. I tried repeatedly to explain to her that you really don't want to use that word, as it can be considered very offensive :P But she didn't get it at all, so kept doing it. Really rather funny :)

Littleen that isn't funny at all

That sounds to me like a racist word said with a Latvian accent.

Just tell her that it's unacceptable to shout in the street. She sounds dreadful.

Yes it's racist. Whether she'll listen to you or not is anyone's guess, but I would definitely inform her and tell her I don't want to hear her saying it around me.

I would also not be wanting to hear about her revolting sex tourism stories either. Yes the gender power balance is not the same, but she has distinct privilege as a wealthy, white, western woman in Africa. It's pretty bleugh.

I read this thread earlier and I felt so conflicted. I couldn't work out what I thought about it, other than shouting in the street at people is never a polite way to behave.

Anyway, have been discussing with DH on and off for a while. Its difficult because DH and I are of different races. For simplicity I'll say he's black and I'm white.

Thing is if I'm ever asked what type of men I like, my answer is always 'big and black', it sounds funny but those are the only type of men I've been with and find attractive. My DH also only find who women attractive, but he doesn't feel he can say that as it always gets a negative response.

I suppose I feel its ok to say these kind of things because I think it is as acceptable as saying you only find ginger haired people or tall men attractive.

However, because you're is foreign and laughing while she shouts this, had I heard her, I would assume she was being sarcastic or making a joke. Therefore I think you should tell her int his country its very bad manners to refer to race or skin colour and doing so will be perceived as racist.

Pervy. Like yelling "I love big tits" to a group of women. As a man, you may well like large breasted women. That is ok. What isn't ok, is to shout at them on the street.

I like black men, too. To look at. Generally I find them very attractive. I'd never shout it out in the street, though.

In defense of Littleen's uni friend, the Latvian term 'neger' is most likely to translate as negro rather than the 'n word' that it sounds a lot like in English. Which is likely to be considered an acceptable term in her native language.

The OP's MIL is being completely inappropriate and embarrassing however, but probably doesn't consider herself racist, so accusing her of that would probably be counter productive. OP would be quite correct in letting her MIL know that it is not considered appropriate in this country to shout such things at people in the street, and would be at the least to be taken to be sexist, objectifying and unacceptable language.