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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask relative to bring something else instead?

99 replies

MyFirstName · 21/12/2014 13:43

We are hosting Christmas. Had offers of help/family bringing stuff. Asked one part of the family to bring dessert to offer an alternative to Christmas Pudding. Another to bring cheese (mainly for evening buffet, but to offer any who could fit it in after lunch).

A and B decided to how to split the jobs A would bring cheese and B would bring dessert. No skin off my nose. However B is a little flaky/suffers from last-minute-itis so i discussed with DH and have got in some cheep/cheerful frozen profiteroles as a back up. We like them, can eat them another time, but they are there as backup if B fails to deliver. Which is entirely possible.

Just heard from B re dessert. They have decided, as the alternative-to-Christmas-pudding dessert, that they are bringing............Christmas Pudding Ice-cream. Am I the only one the think FFS!!!

Their reason for making it is that is lovely to eat, easy to make and will travel well. Valid reasons. But I do not think it in anyway offers an alternative to Christmas Pudding!

Would I be unreasonable to phone B and to say, please do not bring that. Or if you do could you do something else as well? Or should I just suck it up. Accept the ice cream gratefully and plan for something else myself (I have an easy lemon cheesecake recipe I could whip up the day before). Or get the profiteroles out. I have a bit of an up/down relationship with this person. I think it would be almost impossible for me to say something without them getting the hump and taking it in very bad grace.

Should I be brave and say something? Or just accept the icecream and defrost the profiteroles?

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 21/12/2014 14:20

It does seem a little stupid to bring Christmas pudding ice cream, when they've been asked to bring a dessert alternative for those who don't like Christmas pudding. [Though, where you found your DH I don't know and he's passed on his faulty genes! I hope there have been Serious Repurcussions!]

I'd ring, say to them that ice cream, the flavour of the thing that isn't liked, really isn't going to work, so what would they like to bring instead?!

Well, I wouldn't because I can't stand the hassle of x bring this, y bringing that. I'd sooner do it all myself and know it's right. I don't mind if it's a pot luck thing, but not for Christmas. Hence me never offering to host the thousands at Christmas!! Xmas Grin

Original poster
MyFirstName · 21/12/2014 14:43

Am just glad I know my relative's foibles and had kind of pre-planned for something not being quite ....um...in line with expectations....

pictish I am not sure where all your accusations of coming over all picky, peevish, me being pissed off and controlling are coming from? Yes it is a family meal - so I would like to make sure everyone in the family has a dessert they would like. Am not sure how this is controlling and picky really? My family offered help. I accepted it. I came on here to see what the consensus was if something hadn't, I suppose, for want of another phrase "fulfilled the brief". Some people would say something. Some (possibly most) would not. I therefore am not being a scaredy cat wuss for not saying something (phew) I can just let it go. And plan around it.

I have had my FFS moment. On here. On the day I will just grin. --and be glad she didn't bring trifle Envy

OP posts:
Original poster
MyFirstName · 21/12/2014 14:43

is not going to confess I don't really like Christmas pudding either as I may get banned from Mumsnet

OP posts:
YuloidSubstances · 21/12/2014 14:47

Well, this is a turn-up for the books! Who in hell doesn't like trifle?!

pictish · 21/12/2014 14:48

Don't take it so personally - I'm just pointing out that risking hurt feelings over pudding at a family meal, when it is easily avoided, would be silly. It's one of those occasions where it is better to chill and let things slide, than ramp up and make a fuss.
That would apply to anyone - it wasn't aimed at you per se.

YuloidSubstances · 21/12/2014 14:50

Custard and jelly and cream and sponge and tinned peaches and custard and cream and glace cherries and cream and SPRINKLES GODDAMMIT

Original poster
MyFirstName · 21/12/2014 14:53

Trifle. Vom. End of.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyFirstName · 21/12/2014 14:53

My DH feels the same about trifle. That is why I luffs him.

OP posts:
usualsuspect333 · 21/12/2014 14:56

So much angst over a bloody pudding.

YABU. It doesn't matter.

Merry Christmas.

Original poster
MyFirstName · 21/12/2014 14:56

Thanks usual

OP posts:
BackforGood · 21/12/2014 15:02

Like Youlids I can see someone thinking why Christmas Pudding Icecream [vom] would be an 'alternative' pudding to Christmas pudding - it's a completely different texture / type of pudding, much lighter than a stodgy suet after a full Christmas dinner. If you just said 'as an alternative' then I'd say that was quite good thinking. I speak as someone who doesn't like them and wouldn't eat either, but unless you specifically said "there are some people who don't like the taste of Christmas pudding" then they aren't being numpties.
However, glad it's all resolved. Smile

TheBatteriesHaveRunOut · 21/12/2014 15:05

OddBoots came up with the best solution at the top of the thread, imo.

And Christmas pud ice cream is a daft alternative to actual Christmas pudding. What a daftie.

Still, if they're that flaky, there's always hope they'll forget it.

Nomama · 21/12/2014 15:08

Don't pretend about the profiteroles. Just pop then in front of DH and smile 'there dear, your alternative pud'.

If B asks just say, 'DH doesn't like christmas pud, the profiteroles are just for him'.

I have done this with SIL and DSis when they bring puds with almonds in/on. DH hates them, so I always have a safe pud, SIL does it out of spite, DSis cos one of my fave puds is almondy. Neither leave without being reminded they have been found wanting!

usualsuspect333 · 21/12/2014 15:11

I do like a Christmas dinner/dessert thread though. Wouldn't be Christmas on MN without one.

pictish · 21/12/2014 15:12

Don't pretend about the profiteroles. Just pop then in front of DH and smile 'there dear, your alternative pud'.

Yes...if you want everything to turn sour over the pudding, please do this.

greenfolder · 21/12/2014 15:15

buy a nice choc yule log (or make one) and offer that up with the rest of it. chill out and relax. lets face it, when we ask people to bring stuff, most of us assume that they may not and plan accordingly.

pictish · 21/12/2014 15:15

Agree with not pretending about the profiteroles - saying "not everyone likes Christmas pudding" would be fine. Don't bother with the passive aggressive pointed comment though.

capsium · 21/12/2014 15:16

I'd happily eat Xmas Pudding, Xmas Pudding Ice-cream and Profiteroles. Grin

Ooh and a bit of cheese....

Quietattheback · 21/12/2014 15:17

Seeing as you will probably be serving Xmas pud with cream, they are essential bringing a cold version of the hot pudding you are serving, which is, in my book, not an alternative. However, forewarned is forearmed and I would say nothing and provide something yourself.

Daft bint. relly not you.

Quietattheback · 21/12/2014 15:19

Oh a Xmas pud is rank although my lemon drizzle trifle is a queen amongst puddings.

Mousefinkle · 21/12/2014 15:19

"could you come up with an alternative to Christmas pudding for those that don't it."

. LIGHTBULB MOMENT! Yes!! I'll do... Christmas pudding ice cream, what an excellent idea. They may not like Christmas pudding but I'm certain theyll like Christmas pudding ice cream. Because putting something in ice cream makes it all better I guess.

Just trying to work out the logic there and, well, there just isn't any. Are they generally quite, um, slow? Xmas Grin. Definitely get the profiteroles out. Just say they're there for those who don't like Christmas pudding. And if B brings up her ice cream say "Oh yes, there's christmas pudding ice cream if you'd prefer as well." Xmas Grin.

Nomama · 21/12/2014 15:24

Oh Pictish, do you not have one of 'those' rellies? The one who will always forget why something happens and then get all pissed off when someone, who has long been put out by their actions, has the temerity to mention it?

I have a couple and long ago gave myself permission to stop being so bloody stiff upper lip about their behaviour. Their thoughtlessness upset me and put me to extra trouble - eventually I mentioned it! They had a tempy tanty, but have never made that 'mistake' with me again, though one still plays with DSis the same way.

Some people never change because those around them feel uncomfortable telling them that their actions have negative consequences for others. And I don't play that game any more.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 21/12/2014 15:25

Trifle is vile - that is all

ChocolateWombat · 21/12/2014 15:32

Personally, I would try to be a gracious host. Receive the ice cream with thanks.
If you feel those 2 won't be enough, get your profiteroles out too. No need to explain or say anything - you are the hostess and can serve what you like.
Don't let it become a big thing in your mind....move on. And certainly don't make it into a big thing with them or anyone else. Def no moaning. Bout what they are bringing to anyone who will be there on the day.
Tbh no-one will remember what was eaten for desert beyond the next day (sorry to say that when you are going to a big effort) so if you offer 2 or 6 desserts, the detail will be forgotten. What is remembered is a lovely happy atmosphere. And being accepting of whatever happens and whatever anyone brings or doesn't brings, contributes a lot towards that.

pictish · 21/12/2014 15:34

Well said wombat - best post of the thread.