I love my dh and DC, but to admit my ideal Christmas would be spent alone

[twoopsie]

When I was younger I often spend Xmas alone \ with one friend \ doing charity work.

Looking back at this, I know these were the best christmas. No stress, no agro, no rushing around.

I work long hours just to pay the stupidly high mortgage and just want more time to do nothing.

Does anyone else feel like this?

[ilovesooty]

Well said IfNot

To the OP - I'm resisting the urge to be really rude to you. You just don't get it do you?

[ilovesooty]

Exactly happiness

The worst thing is not having the options.

[QuickSilverFairy]

OP, it sounds like you are struggling with some things in your life right now?? I hope you can find some peace in this coming week. I agree the heavy commercialization and pressure to have the most perfect Christmas can be maddening. Take the time to do the things that are meaningful to you and your family. Do Christmas in your own way.

[twoopsie]

Sooty that's not like you not to be really rude/nasty. I'm really really biting my tounge to not say what I want to say to you.

[ilovesooty]

I haven't been rude or nasty. I've simply said you just don't get it.
Obviously both of us are biting our tongues then.

[twoopsie]

Fairy I'm not really struggling, just would quite like a break from it. I'm beginning to dread the hundreds of miles over Christmas we will be traveling and while I love my family I find working full time and raising a family all a bit too much at times and quite fancy a day of doing just what I want to do at my own pace. It feels like I'm being pulled from all sides to do this and do that. Will go back to work exhausted

[twoopsie]

You've been rude and nasty on other threads to me. But I'm the bigger person I don't feel the need to be unpleasent and make personal attacks on other people on message boards. But it is tempting to go down to your level at times, but you'd win with experience.

[PacificDogwood]

twoopsie, I get what you're saying and I don't disagree with you.

But I equally understand how people might feel very hurt by your OP - I suppose it's all about choice, isn't it?
I'm having a rather more hectic Christmas than planned (family bereavement which will involve flying to another country to attend the funeral) but even under normal circumstances there would have been a big busy family Christmas and sometimes I'd just crave the peace and quite of being able to please myself.
But enforced aloneness at Christmas does seem very hard, so to you all.

It comes down to the difference between loneliness and being alone and I think at Christmas time with all its Hallmark family shite being spouted, it can be particularly hard.

[QuickSilverFairy]

Twoopsie, I am sorry for misinterpreting your post. You are entitled to your feelings. I know other poster's are upset by this thread but you should be allowed to state how you feel without being subject to rudeness.

[Suzannewithaplan]

I sympathize entirely OP, I find everything about christmas ridiculous and extremely irritating and for the past few years have deliberately arranged things so that I have the whole day to myself.

Probably is that christmas is such a loaded day, the phrase 'spending christmas alone has become a synonym for abject despair, people get very upset if you say you want to spend it alone, as evidenced by some posts here it's as if they feel you are laughing at their personal misfortune ?

[ilovesooty]

I am not making a personal attack on you. I simply said this thread is thoughtless. If you had an issue on other threads perhaps you should take it up there or report. Bringing those issues to this thread is inappropriate.

[geekaMaxima]

Sheesh, some of the responses in this thread are reading a lot more into the OP than was actually there.

YANBU to wish you could spend xmas sans extended family, in a haven of peace on your own at home with no one making demands on you.

YABU to broadcast this wish because there are lots of people who find xmas alone - not through their choice - heartbreaking.

Neither situation deserves excoriation from the other.

[dreamingbohemian]

I think people are being a bit unfair to the OP. You could do this to any thread -- if you complain about your husband, 'at least you have a husband', if you complain about your job, 'at least you have a job', etc.

I think the general ethos on MN is that while some losses and problems are worse than others, everyone has the right to talk about their problems without being made to feel bad.

[Suzannewithaplan]

?Indeed it becomes a game of 'misery trumps' where the person with the worst misfortune uses it as a card that can be played to shut everyone else up?

[ilovesooty]

Fair enough dreaming

I suppose I got particularly incensed by the post suggesting that it was easy to fill the 48 hours of bank holiday by having bubble baths, going on walks and watching films.

Point taken though.

[ilovesooty]

No Suzanne I wasn't playing "misery trumps". That's unpleasant.

While the OP has her right to her - in my opinion - thoughtless views I have the right to express an alternative one.

[dreamingbohemian]

sooty I can see your point too. I'm sorry about your mum

[Suzannewithaplan]

Doesn't it go without saying that if you are spending the time alone by choice then baths, films and walking could be blissful.

whereas if you long for a family christmas but are unable to have it then it will be an unhappy time.

No one is suggesting that those who crave sociability have no right to be unhappy when it is denied them.

By the same token those who crave solitude have every right to dislike the enforced sociability ?

[Suzannewithaplan]

Did I expressly accuse you of playing misery trumps Sooty?
nope

[ilovesooty]

Thanks dreaming
My mum's situation is what is it is unfortunately. A couple of years ago I went to see her on Christmas day and that involved a hotel stay on Christmas Eve travelling after work, otherwise I'd have had to do the whole round trip in n Christmas day. My sister upsets me more - it's hurtful to be explicitly told that she doesn't want to include me.
Suzanne thanks for the later post- that's what I meant.

[iamthenewgirl]

Yes, I understand how you feel but it's unwise to tell people!

I think you're probably referring to having more time to yourself full stop not just Christmas?

Think you need to take stock and possibly downshift? Ditch the big mortgage and buy a smaller house?

[NowBringUsSomeFuzzpiggyPudding]

I cherish time alone - it's essential for my mental and physical health, I need a lot of down time. I wouldn't want it on Xmas day though, I'm looking forward to spending it with my family and friends.

Mind you I only work part time so I do get a fair bit of time alone regularly - I would feel different if I never had any.

[LittleDonkeyLeftie]

twoopise I think you have explained yourself badly.

Reading across all your subsequent posts, what you are saying is, you feel bullied by "your family" into travelling miles over Christmas when actually you would like to do it your way?

Then stop the madness. Say no, we are not doing that - let them get upset. Tell DH and DC you will all be staying at home. You will be going for a nice walk, etc etc. Do it your way for once.

All this ridiculous misery over Christmas ( not just you OP) because people allow themselves to be bullied into spending it with people they don't like, places they don't want to go.

I am not sure I believe in Jesus but I doubt this is what he wanted.

And breathe........

[littleredhen2]

YANBU to admit this to yourself but best not to share it with other people.

After many years of extreme hard work trying to accommodate the needs of different people I will be on my own this year. Yesss! -but I have even name-changed on here in case of the improbable chance that a family member would identify me and know how I feel.

Have experienced a few Christmasses with full on family rows and even more with someone sitting in the corner with a face like a slapped arse.
Also some people drink more than usual and it doesn't bring out the best in them.

Agree with what Suzanne says-each to their own. Enforced loneliness is very sad-relaxing on your own because you prefer to is a different matter.