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AIBU?

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Original poster

Receiving a second hand/already opened Secret Santa gift?

83 replies

ladymeredith · 19/12/2014 18:35

This is probably going to be a bit of a controversial topic so I'm aware that there will be mixed opinions.

But basically my job did Secret Santa and I think I pulled the short straw for gifts. The gift I received was one that the sender had clearly previously received as an unwanted gift and looking at the box, I could tell by the way it was taped that it had already been opened and taped back up, along with being covered in dust and being slightly torn!

I get not everyone is in the same financial situation (it was a £5 limit) and I'm not trying to be selfish, nor do I expect designer stuff. However I was rather hurt and insulted to receive that and it made me very cross as I had put effort into mine despite not being in the best financial situation (there was not obligation to take part). I probably won't do it again.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Chandon · 19/12/2014 19:33

I once got an out of date jar of Stilton!

I felt sooo embarrassed on behalf if the giver.

championnibbler · 19/12/2014 19:40

i heard about a member of staff from a well-known high street bank who gave their male boss a set of toy golf clubs. The boss took this very badly, all hell broke loose and the staff member was disciplined.

Also know of a girl who got a used cowboy hat and a bottle of perfume which was half empty. She was quite tearful about it all.

YvesJutteau · 19/12/2014 19:40

Second hand is fine if it's nice and has been carefully chosen. It's not OK if it's some old tatty bashed-around gift that no one in their right mind would want and that you've dusted off from three Christmases ago when you didn't want it either.

i.e. it's the thought and presentation that make it "tacky" or not, not the second-handness

3littlebadgers · 19/12/2014 19:41

YANBU, our budget was between £10-£15 and today I opened, a previously opened tin of buiscuits (sticky tape gave it away). Grin just what I alwys wanted, left over buiscuits!

Cabrinha · 19/12/2014 19:48

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm picking at you Daisy, but I'm genuinely interested in and confused by your view.
As others have said, by second hand I don't mean tatty crap, just second hand.
Why does it show less effort? In some ways, new is easier - walking into Tesco is easier than bidding on eBay for example.

As an example, I would rather get a second hand jigsaw, complete but in a battered box than new. Actually prefer it. I'd be pleased at the lack of waste, and pointless spending. I am happiest when a gift giver says "you're going to love this bargain!"

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 19/12/2014 19:48

The worst one I ever had was a child's book of fun/interesting facts. It's not that I expected anything life-changing; it's just the fact that someone in the office knows you will know that they just threw in any old crap that came to hand, and is perfectly OK with that.

brokenhearted55a · 19/12/2014 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

naty1 · 19/12/2014 19:56

Champion cant see why that requires disciplining?

One boss who never ever got a round of drinks from the machine - but did accept them- was given a pack of plastic cups :)

My boss apparently got given a chocolate cream penis or whatever. He really didnt like it. And was not suitable for him.

I got a borders voucher who then went bankrupt before i could spend it.
I refused the last one as though it can be funny its sometimes a nasty dig at people.
And i think people see that and if they get a not too good present they worry what they have done. But its more about the giver.
My DP cant buy alcohol as theres an ex alcoholic. I said if you take that attitude then you also cant buy food for dieters etc or diabetics. Easier to just swap if something is inappropriate. Though my SS you always pick out a specific person. Not great in a team of 50 as you may not have spoken to them.

Moreshabbythanchic · 19/12/2014 19:58

I once got one of those lap tray things. Except the person who gave it to me hadn't quite finished making it, it was just a few bits of wood and a bag of polystyrene beads.

peasandlove · 19/12/2014 20:00

A lady in our office got an old wine rack. She doesn't drink. Some people are mean.
I gave mine cupcake flavoured toothpaste and the recipient thought it was cute.

naty1 · 19/12/2014 20:00

Badgers hope they arent soft too?
Weird to open and not eat they must look tasty.
I agree about second hand - though restrict it to my kid. She has so many more toys than if id bought new. And they may not like or play with it.

anastasiakrupnik · 19/12/2014 20:02

I was given a blow job sex manual. I quit 6 months later.

It wasn't secondhand, thank god, though I did give it straight to Oxfam.

oswellkettleblack · 19/12/2014 20:05

I don't do Secret Santa for this reason, but it might be worth telling the organiser, though, so some stiffer ground rules can be set.

ilovesooty · 19/12/2014 20:06

I got this. I was thrilled.

Receiving a second hand/already opened Secret Santa gift?
MrsDeVere · 19/12/2014 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lurleene · 19/12/2014 20:09

A few years ago a volunteer started at my work , he was only about 19. He drew a young woman in the Secret Santa and we all swapped gifts at our Christmas do in a hotel. He had bought her a miniature bottle of wine - and strapped it to a vibrator! Shock

Luckily she found it quite funny. He then got very drunk at the party and obviously embarrassed himself as he never came back in January!

Lurleene · 19/12/2014 20:15

^ as far as I know it wasn't second hand though. ( Misses point of thread )

unclerory · 19/12/2014 20:15

Second hand is fine as long as it's thoughtful and in good condition. I've regifted before now, e.g. we once received 3 copies of one book in one Christmas, it was a good book but 2 of those (untouched) copies were passed on the next Christmas. We once got a Boden dress for DD2 from my cousin for Christmas that they had got in a second hand shop, it was lovely, very much to my taste and in good condition. If they had bought new they would have spent the same amount but got a smaller item. I know it was second hand because they said 'hope you don't mind it being second hand but I knew you'd love it and I'd never have afforded new'. That was absolutely fine.

Felt very smug this year because I got myself in my work SS so I bought myself a book I wanted. It wasn't quite the same as getting an unknown gift (last year I got some lovely handcream). We have a nice SS though, chocolate or booze mainly with only the oldies buying joke gifts if they get each other.

CallOfTheRiled · 19/12/2014 20:16

We are quite a large team at work, and so started doing secret Santa to the value of £5.00. Most people were a bit meh at their gift, so now we each buy a present to the value of £1.00 and give £4.00 to Shelter. It's great fun and usually very witty and personal. And we raise a decent amount for a good cause.

naty1 · 19/12/2014 20:19

Its probably sexist to think these gifts are from men :)

tigermoll · 19/12/2014 20:55

Umm, yes, it would be sexist. As well as utterly without foundation in reality. Why would you say such a thing?

DurhamDurham · 19/12/2014 21:01

We all buy a present to wrap and put on a big table at the Christmas party. My and a colleague always let each other which present to choose for each other by describing the wrapping paper. That way we always get a decent thoughtfully bought present. Doesn't work if another colleague has used the same paper.

HeraldAngelSinging · 19/12/2014 21:06

Our price limit as £1 and one woman was given a lottery ticket as her SS Christmas present. I don't know if she won anything though.

groovejet · 19/12/2014 21:06

I hate doing secret santa where I work, you don'y pull names out so it makes it more of a challenge as we all have different tastes. I did suggest playing bad santa for a change but no-one had heard of it before so was a no go.

Thought I did fairly well this year,I got a mini hotel chocolate gin with hotel chocolate star, assorted lindor balls and soap and glory hand cream but the person who received it did not look happy at all.

Hubb · 19/12/2014 21:15

My experience of secret Santa though, is that it's never actually secret, as the people I have done it with can't manage to keep it to themselves....so I have never dared give a crap gift! Also I wouldn't want to anyway, it doesn't take much effort to get something that may not be the perfect gift but could at least be a nice thought or something humorous. Doesn't sound like your tatty regifted thing was any of these things.

I think second hand is fine if it's specific to that person and you know they will appreciate it. Otherwise I think it's best to get something new. Not everyone "does" second hand do they...