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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think I'll be stuck in the house forever?!

65 replies

Binglesplodge · 19/12/2014 17:18

My DS is 9 weeks and I'm starting to try to get the day into some sort of predictable routine as he is pretty much refusing to nap in the day and is getting very upset and overtired as a result.

The more I read about routines (I'm leaning towards Baby Whisperer) the more I don't understand how we're ever going to be able to leave the house! If all naps are to be taken in his crib and awake time is to be limited to 90 mins or so, then I don't see how we can even get to the postnatal class I've booked, or to the mum and baby group at the health visitor clinic as both of those would be excursions that would take far longer than the "allowed" waking period... How do you do it? Do we stay at home for the next several months so that he can nap on schedule? I'm finding the baby groups etc vital for keeping me cheerful by letting me chat to other mums. If he's supposed to always sleep in his crib I can't even see how we could go out for a walk on a nice day as it would have to be a very short one!

Help! I'm a first time mum and I pretty much feel like I'm flailing around trying to work out how to spend the day and get him to nap...

OP posts:

SorchaN · 20/12/2014 00:37

Routines didn't work for me with any of my children, but they worked like magic for one of my friends. Both of us managed to get out and about once the babies were a few months old, but there was definitely a lot of staying at home in the early weeks. The thing to remember is that everything changes constantly - each month is different from the previous month. You won't be stuck indoors forever!

hiccupgirl · 20/12/2014 07:59

The only useful thing in The Baby Whisperer for me was it gave me an idea of roughly how long DS could stay awake for. Routine didn't work as he would have 4 30 min naps a day until around 7 months and no amount of trying to extend his sleep cycle worked. He also hated being put down in his cot but the pram was fine for sleeping.

If you want to be out doing things then try it and see how your baby copes with napping in the pram. Mine was better out and happily slept wherever he was but other babies are better at home. Find out which yours is and then decide how much you want to stay in if you need to.

Awakeagain · 20/12/2014 08:07

I didn't follow any routine at all, we just tried to have a bed time at a similar time each day which led to waking at similar times
Ds and I went to groups/classes 4 days a week and he would sleep in the car or pram on the way there or back or both
They sort their own routine out in the end

369thegoosedrankwine · 20/12/2014 09:05

Some people love routines and work very hard to get a their baby into one. I tried a bit with ds1 but it didn't work for me as I didn't want to stay in the house all day, as this was really not good for my mental health, and he was having none of it.

My advice is do not stay in. Your baby will find his own routine and you know what, in one month when he is older that routine will change and then change again.

When I had ds2, he had to be taken out on two nursery runs a day to pick up ds1 and there was no choice in this so naps in his cot went out of the window, and we managed actually better because I was more relaxed.

Honestly don't get too hung up on routines, they don't work for every adult or every child!

Oh and finally some children need less sleep. Ds1 was and still is terrible at going to bed as he feels he is missing out on something. I have never heard him say 'I am tired'. I doubt even Gina Ford herself could have got him into a routine!!

tobysmum77 · 20/12/2014 09:10

op fwiw..... 9 weeks is the hardest time ime, you are expecting things to get easier past 6 weeks but they dont. 4 months is more realistic for baby to settle into their own routine and until then you have to go with the flow.

It is true that with subsequent babies you just have to get on with it, but dragging crying babies round is something that you'd never choose. my second was also a much much easier baby than her sister.

So relax, you're doing fine, honestly

Miriama · 20/12/2014 09:16

11 week old baby and first time mum here sounds lik2 your baby might have colic? I didnt read any books, just carried on withndoing what I needed to do. I have two dogs so staying in the house not an option. Babies cry sometimes for no reason at all. I found it quite self conscious about rhe baby crying when I was out but now I'm just pretty blase about it and dont care if anyone stares. Mostnpeople are sympathetic if you have a screamer. Good luck and listen to your bub not some book.

Longtalljosie · 20/12/2014 09:16

I am a routine-ish sort of a mum BUT they happen across them from about 4 months-ish. Before then, it's really about rolling with the punches, feeding them to sleep and spending long periods pinned to the chair because you have a baby napping on you and you know if you move s/he will wake. As you are a first time mum you have the luxury of indulging this totally and working your way through all 7 series of the West Wing. But do try taking the baby out in the pram each day or the was will start to close in on you. At 4 months the rule of thumb is your baby will need a first nap 90 mins after waking

Longtalljosie · 20/12/2014 09:17

The walls, not the was!

Original poster

Binglesplodge · 20/12/2014 09:18

Thanks to everyone who has offered reassurance! When you're doing it for the first time it's easy to think you're getting it all wrong...

I'm not interested in a routine other than to try to get more sleep into his day (and night!!) so I may just keep winging it and hope he gradually starts to nap better - is that something that will improve with time, once the colic days are over and he's a bit more settled? I can cope with the day being all over the place (and involving crying meltdowns) if it's only for a few months more but not if it's going to be a permanent feature...

OP posts:

Original poster

Binglesplodge · 20/12/2014 09:21

I'm so glad to hear that feeding him to sleep and ending up stuck under him isn't so unusual! I'll try to enjoy it while it lasts - it's a great chance to catch up on mumsnet and admire his gorgeous wee face while it isn't red and shouty!

OP posts:

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 20/12/2014 09:22

Honestly for now just feed to sleep. I tried the BW approach with dc1 and I think it caused me a lot of worry as the whole keeping him awake after feeds just didn't work very well.

You're right, you need to get out of the house - the longer they will still nap in the pram the better otherwise you can't do anything.

I found that by making bath/feed/bed the same time each day and going with the flow the rest of the time, by about 12-16 weeks they found their own loose routine.

You sound like you're doing a great job OP.

LittleBearPad · 20/12/2014 09:37

Feeding to sleep is fine. If it works, do it.
Trotting out with him in his pram/sling to things you want to do is fine.
Ignore the book - he hasn't read it and it hasn't been written about him.

Playthegameout · 20/12/2014 09:45

Hang on in there OP, it will get better! When my Ds was that age I looked at the EASY routine, again just to get an idea of timings, but I never followed it properly. Ds struggled with sleep (had reflux), but now at 14 months, is a dream sleeper most of the time. He really picked up at around 4 months. I went out with him anywhere as location made no difference to his naps. I found other mums at mum groups were really supportive, many of them had been in my shoes and helped me get through. Repeat the mumsnet mantra 'this too shall pass' !

polkadotdelight · 20/12/2014 09:59

Throw the books away. I am a first timer to a 12 week old and have tied myself in knots worrying about what I 'should' be doing. I dont read them or google anymore. If you jot down feed timed etc you will probably notice that there is a loose pattern. DS has gaviscon and ranitidine so I keep track of what he has had and I was suprised to see there was a pattern but I hadnt realised. It wasnt until about 9 weeks that I became more confident in recognising DS's sleep cues and I can often get him to sleep quickly. We either have to rock him or put him in the bouncer and play white noise (there is a particular youtube one I use which never lets me down) on my phone. DS will fall asleep in baby group is he is tired enough. You need to get out, DS hated the pushchair until last week!

1ChelseaMa · 20/12/2014 10:52

my experience is: baby is happiest as an adult when he's been fed on demand, simple but true

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