To be disappointed that "sorry" hasn't helped in the least?

[StillReallySad]

Serial name changer. Sorry.

Yesterday Finally had enough money for waxing. I have visited the same place every 3-4 months for the last 3 years. They do walk ins which is idea for me although I have never had the same beautician more than once. It's a local chain and I think they switch staff around a bit.

I'm in the therapy room awaiting my 1/2 leg and Hollywood, pants off and covered in the. chocolate wax stuff that needs to harden on my crotch area, legs akimbo whilst she attacks my legs. So far so good. Loving the multitasking efficiency and I tell her as much.

She is chatting away making small talk which is fine. She is speaking a little fast and very heavily accented so I can't pick up every single word. She starts to say about the types of ladies who come to her for waxing. She looks at me and asks me to move and bend my knee.

"Ooh chubby girl"
"Sorry, did you just call me a chubby girl?"
"Ya! Chubby girl" big grin

I'm really upset.

All I wanted to do was get out of there. If I hadn't had wax on my whole groin I would have just walked out.
So I bit my lip and tried to ignore.

After a few really tense minutes she tried to pass it off as a joke etc. I wasn't having it. I'm upset and paranoid and really really paranoid. I'm 5ft8 a 12/14 with an F cup. I'm not as skinny as I wish I was.

She hit the weakest part of me. I am a strong person. I can deal with crowds and heckling and it doesn't bother me what people say. I didn't know what to do. I complain when complaint is necessary but this just destroyed me.

She did a really good job on the whole waxing front but I'm just really really upset.

I was full on legs akimbo, knees bent, half naked and totally "vulnerable"

She also laughed when I said that I didn't want my top lip done whilst she was doing my eyebrows. I know they have to try to up sell but a snort of derision and giggle does not help when the customer already said no.

Worst thing? Worse than being called chubby when half naked and desperately trying to pretend you're not bothered and carrying on with small talk and not crying? Worse than being laughed at because your top lip is fine in your opinion?

I tipped her.

Because that's how I was expected to behave, I'm too stupid not to and she was telling the truth anyway.

I am so so upset over this. I have cried for almost the last 24 hours on and off. I am massively insecure. I am terrified about starting shopping for my wedding dress for summer already and now I can't contemplate it. She didn't know that. That's not her fault

DP is furious. He went to the salon today and ultimately, I have to go back for a refund and an apology tomorrow. They offered a massage too but I will not be undressing for any non medical professional ever again.

Refund and an apology.
So why do I feel just as horrendous as I did yesterday?

I feel absolutely no better. I'm still stupidly upset because a slim woman who saw me half naked called me chubby.

Wedding dresses will be in all sorts of sizes, do you really think only size 8 people get married? I'm a 20 and had plenty of choice to try on. If anything they will have larger sizes and will clamp them at the back as the more choice you have, the more likely you are to buy from them. Most people wouldn't buy a dress they couldn't try on

It's a while since I went wedding dress shopping but when I did they only had them in a size 16 and would gather them in to show you what they would look like. At a 12/14 I guarantee you are slimmer than most of the women looking for dresses.

The waxer's comment when you were in a vulnerable position is pretty unforgivable. Surely it's part of their training to put people at ease and not to make personal remarks?

Oh lovely you sound like you have a lovely figure.
If it helps I am getting married next year and am going to be wearing a 50's style dress made by honeypieboutique.co.UK they are amazing and great prices and will tailor designs for you of you email them. I wamt a slightly diff top half and sent them a pic of the sstyle I want and they are doing it for me.

I bet you would look fab in one of their dresses! They are tailor made to fit your measurements. Go look at their site!

Thank you.

I'm slim and would have felt awful if ANY negative comment had been made about my body when I was in such a vulnerable position. I understand why you are so upset.

However, a size 12/14 at 5' 8" is not big. You sound slim to me. So don't go there again and try to forget about it. The woman sounds awful btw. Snorting about your upper lip. How silly and rude!

I feel your pain. I've had numerous comment's about my weight, I'm a size 14/16 and 5ft 6. One couple in a pub i was working in said "oh and now you're expecting again "... I wasn't ?? another guy in the Co.op queue "when are you due "... I'm not! Another woman tweaked my sides in a pub and said after eating out so much" I'll be as big as you soon ". I've since discovered i have a wheat intolerance and no longer get the pregnancy comments. People can be total wankers, the woman you went to is a total wanker. You're bloke sounds ace,don't give this anymore thought

You sound like you have an amazing figure. You will look
Sensational in any wedding dress. I have recently been trying on I am a size 14 5'9 with no curves at all and the shop had mostly dresses that fitted me or were actually a little large and needed pinned. Trust me when you go trying them on you will look lovely these people are experts and will make sure you look great in the mirror when you're choosing.

Was the lady Vietnamese/Japanese? I ask because I do think that there is a language barrier and a cultural difference sometimes. I think that she may not have meant chubby in the way that it is meant in the UK, she may have meant curvy or tall or anything really.

I used to get my nails done by some Vietnamese women and they could come across as rude, they'd tell me the colours I was choosing were "too dark, you too pale your skin" and laugh, but I know that it was just their way.

I do understand why your upset, and it was rude all the same, certainly in English culture, but I think that I would just shake it off. Your shape and size sound fine and healthy and you will find a wedding dress which you look stunning in. You just need to find a way to see that and develop a thicker skin.

There will always be people to say hurtful things, whether intentional or not. I'm sure that you are beautiful inside and out.

Oh op she sounds dim, it's lost in translation - who knows. I am confident but the thought of being naked and waxed is enough to make me wonder wtf. Honestly just wont do it ever though will skinny dip happily. The power inbalance, the scrutiny is just too awful!

She was so unprofessional it's untrue and some time will allow you to reduce the impact from her comments.

But my word you are built for those fab 50s wedding dress styles. Look at fur coat no knickers or the online 50s shops for inspiration. Am jealous as I have no boobs and really can't do that great look at all.

Your DP sounds brilliant. How nice that he is supportive.

I'm sorry that happened and I can understand your reaction. I just wanted to say that when I was wedding dress shopping (I'm a 14 with F boobs) I experienced a couple of shops like the ones you mention but also just as many where they had a range of sizes - the one I
bought my dress from was a small shop but had a range and the owner was excellent at helping me envision what my size would actually look like. The best experience I had was at the Alice Temperley boutique in Notting Hill where I had a lovely day out - they had every dress in every size!

I have just finished wedding dress shopping. The majority of styles were in sizes 12,14 and 16. Your figure will look stunning in them. Some other countries don't seem to have the hatred that we seem to have for any kind of flesh on bones, she probably had no idea it would be that offensive.

What is her first language and culture? In many cultures, there is no social stigma about commenting on a person's weight or size.

I know the feeling. Truly. DD recently started nursery. At roughly 12 wks in to term waiting for pick up a conversation with a mum (I really only had passing hellos with) went

Hi
Hey! Meant to say, congratulations.
Eh?
Congratulations on the baby. I've seen you a few times and thought "I wonder if.." Definitely are!
No. No I'm sorry, I'm not pregnant. I'm still fat after number 2 dd two yrs ago.
Really?! Ah well I remember when...
We then "chatted" for a few more mins.

There was only two of us there. Others came. Picked up kids. I went home and cried. Shoulder shaking deep sobs of badness. Ashamedness. Humiliation and sorrow.

I've avoided her since. I do know though now where her son gets his.. oddness. I'd originally guessed dad tbh, plainly not. No social awareness at all. I can be quite strong/direct but this blind sided me. It still has. Sniff... I really do understand op. I'm sorry.

You sound bloody gorgeous op!

I am all for cross cultural appreciation, but I think the onus is on the person who is paid to perform the service to take account of what may or may not offend their customer. Remember that her opinion is worthless and make her grovel.

Oh, and check out Vivien of Holloway for your wedding dress!!

Was she thai by any chance. My lovely size 10/12 friend used to get called fat and chubby all the time when she lived there - they don't seem to have a filter and think anything above a 8 is huge

I'm also guessing she was Asian ?

Generally speaking Asian people (south East Asian) can be very abrupt and don't see it as rude. I was in I think Singapore with a larger friend (quite a bit larger) and the sales assistant came over, looked at my friend and said "you want an extra extra large to try ? "

My friend was mortified but the woman honestly was trying to be helpful.

I know it's not quite the same for you and yes she does need telling that it's not acceptable over her to say that. But I doubt she meant to be unkind. I doubt she even thinks you are large she just had foot in the mouth syndrome a bit.

Big hugs to you. I can understand why you feel hurt. You were there for a service, not to be insulted. She was unprofessional.

Your figure sounds great. There will be plenty of dresses in your size. Actually, 12-14 sounds like an average woman, and definitely not chubby. A good wedding dress shop will advise you on what suits you. Have fun wedding dress buying!

Hey I'd say 5'8 12-14 is pretty much perfect, I think she may have made a mistake with the words/language if not she is a complete bitch. Hold your head high you have nothing to worry about. Maybe think about how you could improve your view of your body, it would change your life it doesn't matter what size you are, if you can accept yourself things will be so much better

I think anyone would be upset in that situation! The waxer was unbelievably rude. Cultural differences are not really an excuse - she needs to learn pretty sharpish that comments like that will offend and are inappropriate if she wants to work in that sort of job.

Fwiw you sound like you have a lovely figure and a great DP.

Hope you're feeling better now.

Please don't let this rude person upset you anymore. I was a size 6 in my youth and I was always being told I was anorexic. When I went travelling I piled on the pounds and the comments stopped. Mostly because I had boobs!
When I was pregnant I was quite big all over but I bloody loved it! And I took my own sweet time getting back into shape. I don't care what other people think. It's hard when it's said to your face but please no more tears over a throw away remark. You say you are curvy and there are a lot of curvy women in the media who rock that look. I will never be curvy which is why I loved being pregnant! Trust me you will look bloody amazing in your wedding dress and your DP will be knocked off his feet just by looking at you.

I'm so sorry it has upset you. It was not a nice thing to say but, as others have said, your figure sounds amazing and I'm sure it was a translation issue.

In my life I have been so insecure and have cried so many tears over thoughtless comments like this. Then an amazing thing happened.. I hit 35 and suddenly became at peace with myself. No comment from a stranger now could upset me.

I've nursed a sibling through cancer and stared death firmly in the face, I've faced infertility and loss, given birth to 2 children where all of us could have easily lost our lives, I'm a caring mother and loyal wife. I'm amazing!! So what if I have extra weight (and I do! A lot of it!) I plan to tackle it after xmas. I have a few wrinkles, a few grey hairs and I really don't care!! Hopefully one day you can reach the point of not caring about people's thoughtless comments - it's truly liberating!

Eek it was like all the worst things flying at you at once. I can see how it knocked you over.

How are you doing?