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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

half a day's notice!

155 replies

EbwyIsUpTheDuff · 16/12/2014 11:56

A friend texted to say that the school had sent her a text (I don't get them, which is frustrating since I've opted IN for them) to say the children need to wear "something christmassy" tomorrow, I.E. a christmas jumper or similar.

It's another fundraiser.

half a day's notice. I can't get into town at short notice like that, most parents need notice. and I'd resent paying out £s for a christmas jumper for my child to wear ONCE in order to donate 50p to charity.

My poor friend has to find christmas clothing for 4 kids!

My son and I don't even celebrate christmas.

It's not like I can just pop out and get a pagan festival jumper for him to wear to not feel utterly excluded by this. So instead of wrapping presents and tidying the room ready for solstice this weekend, I'm now going to spend the little bit of energy I have on tacking some greenery to a jumper for him, because he'll be disappointed if I don't.

WIBU if I make him a Holly King head dress and send him in with that on?
WIBU to email about their policy of inclusion and the lack of notice?

OP posts:
CheeseBuster · 16/12/2014 12:27

I hope you didn't think it was a dig OP. We have a family member born on the summer solstice, she had an awesome themed party one year.

Happy winter solstice Grin

basgetti · 16/12/2014 12:27

We had about a day's notice for xmas jumper day last week. DP ended up dashing round the shops on his lunch break and spending about 15 quid we can't really afford on one for DS. His school are terrible for asking for money, there is something every week, usually without much notice!

zzzzz · 16/12/2014 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
EbwyIsUpTheDuff · 16/12/2014 12:29

thanks, Cheese - I didn't think it was, though I was a bit confused as to why you thought Amish!

Summer solstice is another big celebration for us, though we don't have a birthday then!

OP posts:
Dolallytats · 16/12/2014 12:31

We had Christmas jumper day on the 12th but the children were told they could just dress in normal clothes if they didn't have anything. We were to send in a donation (50p/£1) as well. The children didn't HAVE to dress up Christmassy, which is good because a large proportion of the school do not celebrate Christmas.

Your school may be doing the same thing and it could just be a non uniform day.

Starlightbright1 · 16/12/2014 12:32

Culturally excluding..LOL... My Ds is at a Christmas party today should we not have those either for fear of offending someone..My DS has also celebrated lots of other celebrations not from the Christian religion basis. Hlaf a day notice is not ok..My DS told me he needed a christmas jumper for concert but he just went in his one and only wooly jumper he owns and my scarf as he doesn't own one of those but was more than happy.

You don't have to celebrate each festival yourself to enjoy it or take part.

Notdoingalot · 16/12/2014 12:33

THe school should have give more notice but they are probably not expecting people to go out and buy Christmas jumpers. If I got that text I would find whatever I could in the house and dress dc in that. So a Santa hat or pin some tinsel on a jumper. If you don't have that in the house, then don't do it. I am always hearing people complaining that they had to go out and buy an outfit for this or that but you don't have to. If you do you are setting your kids expectations far too high. I probably will get flamed but I think it's a good lesson to learn.

Original poster
EbwyIsUpTheDuff · 16/12/2014 12:34

non-uniform day is friday.

OP posts:
basgetti · 16/12/2014 12:37

Well Notdoingalot for me my 6 year old being the only one in the whole class without a xmas jumper on was not a lesson I was willing for him to learn. Just a bit more notice would have been enough.

WhirlyTwirlySnowflakes · 16/12/2014 12:41

We don't have Christmas jumpers and I'm not going to spend £20 on jumpers that won't fit them next year so that we can donate £1 to a charity.
I've explained this to my children.

Due to working hours this week I won't have time to decorate a normal jumper (as also suggested by the school).

Also explained to the children.

I'll try to hunt up a bit of tinsel/ Christmas hat for them to wear but I am a tiny bit peeved.

They didn't have onesies on onesie day either bad but classy Mother soI'm sure they'll cope.

TheFriar · 16/12/2014 12:43

OP we've had that too.
The school was very careful in saying that you don't have to go and buy a jumper esp for that. And quite a few children went with bubbles, tinsels stuck on the jumper. The oy thing they asked is to not use pins.
I'm sure your dc will be fine with your theme.

Shock at the half day notice though!! Now that IS bad.
are you sure your ds didn't forget to give a letter about it? Mines are really good at that and then I discover about X and Y only when the reminder comes through by text...

Original poster
EbwyIsUpTheDuff · 16/12/2014 12:44

to clarify - I'm not at all offended by people having Christmas parties, or whatever else they choose to do or celebrate as long as no one is hurt!

Each to their own.

I checked on the website, it's definitely "wear something christmassy"
then end of term party on thursday
then non-uniform day on friday.

normally I make costumes for him rather than buying. I don't buy him specific clothes for each event.
the reasoning is probably "everyone has a christmas jumper anyway" which I heard the headmistress saying a few days ago.
Well, no, actually. Some can't afford it, some think they're tacky, we don't celebrate christmas, and some think a jumper that looks a bit odd for the rest of the year is a waste of money whether they have it or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
EbwyIsUpTheDuff · 16/12/2014 12:47

he definitely didn't forget to give me a letter - the teachers hand them to the children as they leave the class and then they are handed to parents imediately.

My friend has 4 children in that school, for all 4 of hers and my one to forget the same thing would be unusual!

It's mentioned on today's newsletter, which I don't normally check on the website since I'll have a paper copy when I collect him anyway. I only looked on the web copy because my friend let me know about this

OP posts:
TheFriar · 16/12/2014 12:49

Not sure about the 'teaching the dcs you can't do everything'.
I suppose it depends on how 'different' the child already is compare to his peers. My two are known 'as not doing things like everyone else' and adding too many layers of 'difference' can be too much.
Also age is to be taken into consideration.
So for me, Christmas jumper is ok. I bought rather doing it because at £5 at Primark it was easier and cheaper than doing one myself. jumpers also bought a size bigger so they got reused the year after

There are a lot of other things I don't do (like giving pocket money to buy tat each time they have an outing with the school)

yomellamoHelly · 16/12/2014 12:50

Red and / or green. Bit of tinsel. Santa hat if you have one.

TheFriar · 16/12/2014 12:51

Yep I agree with the 'all most children will have one anyway' reasoning .... We have that too!!

TheRealMaryMillington · 16/12/2014 12:51

It is culturally excluding to a degree though Starlight. Everything has been in-your-face Christmas for the last two weeks at our school. The JW kids (three or four families) actually all take the last week off and go to Center Parcs at bargainous rates because there is basically no escaping it. It doesn't seem to offend anyone of other religions.

But the financial issue is way more problematic. We have literally shelled out hundreds this term (2x school trips, 1 x whole school to panto, exhorbitant residential deposit, own clothes days x 2, Children in need day, genes for jeans, some random cake sale the year 6 girls decided to do, Christmas fair, Santa dash, xmas jumper day, DD's Roman Day requiring costume….) And my 3 are still all in primary. As working parents who are time poor and yet not cash-rich stuff like this at 45 seconds notice is the straw that breaks the camel's back.

TheFriar · 16/12/2014 12:52

Having said that, as some parents won't know about it until the afternoon/evening, there might be quite a few children with no 'festive' jumpers.

mewkins · 16/12/2014 12:55

Ooh is it my dd's school? They have the option of wearing something christmassy tomorrow as it's Christmas dinner day. If you don't have a jumper I would go for a sparkly top for a girl, a santa hat if you have one or a woolly hat with a bit of tinsel on. Certainly not all the kids at dd's school will have Christmas jumpers and nobody minds.

Lariflete · 16/12/2014 12:57

Sorry for the hijack Ebwy but what sort of things do you do to celebrate the winter solstice? I'm Christian and LOVE Christmas but I am fscinated by other religions / traditions.
I hope you don't mind me asking?

Lariflete · 16/12/2014 12:58

fascinated

Original poster
EbwyIsUpTheDuff · 16/12/2014 13:00

I suppose it depends on how 'different' the child already is compare to his peers. My two are known 'as not doing things like everyone else' and adding too many layers of 'difference' can be too much.

this. My boy knows we don't do things the same as his classmates, knows we don't celebrate the same things.

His classmates know too. I am very reluctant to give them ANOTHER difference to dig at. So won't be doing a Holly King costume for him (though it would make the point to the school)

and yes, they do pick on people at that age. 4 and 5 year olds aren't aware how upsetting it can be but DO start to dig at differences. Mostly learned from parents, I know, but still...

Probably most will be going to the 24 hour tesco to buy a jumper. Or sending a grandparent.

OP posts:
Original poster
EbwyIsUpTheDuff · 16/12/2014 13:04

Mewkins, I don't know... possibly! though it's probably happening in lots of schools with similar lack of notice.

Lariflete, I don't mind. I'll explain later if you PM me. (youngest is just having a screaming fit in his nap, can't think straight atm)

OP posts:
AliceinWinterWonderland · 16/12/2014 13:05

Personally, I don't think it's the "christmas-sy" part that's even the issue anyway. A child could easily wear something with anything "winter" related and be fine IMO. Or Frozen for that matter, as it's everywhere.

But... the last minute notice and expectation that people will have the money to make sure their child DOES have an item to wear is what frustrates me.

Given notice of at least a week, preferably two weeks, I could easily have sorted out something for ds2 to wear from what we have in the house. I imagine a fair number of others could do the same. And those who couldn't that wanted to participate would further have that week or two to borrow a jumper or find one at a charity shop for a less budget-damaging price.

But last minute notice usually means pressure and a last minute trip to the shops, at the mercy of the prices at wherever is closest. (or for us, nothing, as a last minute shop afterschool would send my son with disabilities into a complete meltdown)

Ds2's school is horribly disorganised. Sounds like his school is not alone in that regard.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 16/12/2014 13:07

Oh it's wear something Christmassy, it gives you a ton of scope fgs.

You live in the UK. We celebrate Christmas. It's tradition and handily the same date every year, so it's somewhat predictable.

Don't celebrate it if you don't want to, but stop bleeding on about it. Either do the stuff the school is doing willingly or explain to your son he's the only one in school that won't be doing so because his mother is a grumpy mare who wants to celebrate the solstice instead.

All the WE don't celebrate Christmas so no one else should, especially the school, is driving me batshit. It's the UK. We celebrate Christmas. Join in or don't, I don't care, but stfu complaining about it please! Thanks to moaning Minnie's like you, our school barely did anything Christmassy this year to keep the whinging minority happy.