To not go to 'family' event?

[Bellalunagirl]

I'm having a dilemma with DH and not sure whether AIBU?

Both DH and I were married before, he has two children (older teenager and adult) from previous marriage. I have one young child with DH.

I have always been made to feel like a second wife by his family. They are smiling knives, will be nice to you and then you're pulling a dagger out your back. DH doesn't particularly get on with them but is stuck with them.

His parents will be celebrating a big wedding anniversary next year and his family are organising a get together. The ironic thing is they are the most miserable couple I've ever met and don't get on with each other at all. It's difficult being around them and pretty uncomfortable tbh. So it seems a bit hypocritical celebrating them still being together, but that's by the by.

Anyway, everytime I've seen DHs family they've got something nasty to say and it's very stressful. This leads to me feeling crap for weeks leading up to it, having a big row with DH and then taking ages getting over it afterwards.

In the early days I tried really hard (perhaps over compensated with trying because DHs ex hadn't bothered with them at all) but just got kicked in the teeth.

Anyway this time I'm leaning towards not going and just letting DH go on his own. He will be taking the two older kids but me and the LO will feign illness.

This will save a five hour round trip, a massive row and marital discord! However, DH is not happy with this and says I'm being unsupportive. He says that its only once in a blue moon so why can't I just support him. I pointed out the fact that I did support him (in the early days I paid for half a holiday abroad with them, sat with his mum when she was in hospital when she was critically ill

Hello lovely. I could have written your post, regarding an event for DH's family in February this year. Can't stand them, they're all outrageous but I'm expected to go 'to support him'. His first wife was invited too, and they all think she's brilliant. Ummmed and aaahed for ages, prevaricated, damned if I go & stand in the corner very pissed off & damnedest if I don't.... So said I'd go, got in the car to make the two hour journey but lost my bottle (or found my gumption!) and got him to drop me at a friend's on the way.

So this morning we got a Christmas card (addressed to Mr and Mrs DH, despite me not taking his name, was chuckling about another post on here about that, think it's a bit disrespectful tbh) from one of his rellys saying how disappointed they were not to see me at the chuffing party 8 months ago ... All point scoring and makes me even more happy I didn't go....
Don't go, if he respects you he won't lay any guilt on you & will support your decision. My husband is a tosser who I can wait to leave....

YANBU - DH should have dealt with them being rude to you seeing as he has had plenty of time to do so ??? Not exactly supportive of him is it? Perhaps though consider allowing your LO to go with him?

I think i now know where DHs sulking was coming from, he wanted to do this at the party ...

Thanks everyone, its useful to read all POV. gold that's exactly how I feel!

I was thinking about all the different viewpoints yesterday whilst walking round work. I spoke to DH last night saying that I didn't want him to feel I wasn't supporting him but that its a complicated situation. His view is let's not worry about it now, lets wait and see how the arrangements pan out closer to the time. But he now knows how I feel and we should discuss it when we know more about what's going on.

Can older dc get public transport to yours then Dh can drive with lo and will have in flight entertainment with the older dc. Offer to pay for the public transport.