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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let 9 yr old co-sleep?

71 replies

AtSea1979 · 15/12/2014 22:47

I've just seen a thread about a 16 yr old co-sleeping and the consensus is its weird.
My DC co-slept until 4, would co-sleep now if allowed. Recently, I have allowed it but is 9 too old? Doesn't feel weird, and I find their snoring quite comforting. I'm a single mum so have the space but at what age is it deemed too old?

OP posts:

Strictlyison · 17/12/2014 22:33

My dad worked night shifts and I slept with my mum, or one of my sisters (or both of them in a double bed) until I was 10. I didn't have my own bedroom until then. I was fine with it, never questioned it, felt very secure, not a problem. However, when I started sleeping on my own I started to have sleepingissues and nightmares, as I was so used to having someone with me in bed. Would you have space for a small mattress on the floor or a small bed in your bedroom for him?

MerryMarigold · 17/12/2014 22:36

I have an opinion on this. Last night I slept in 4 beds. 4. In. One. Night.

First I fell asleep with ds1 (9) who goes to bed fairly late (9.15). The I woke up and went back to my own bed. Then dd (6) came into my bed with a bad dream. Then ds2 (her twin) came into my bed, had woken coughing and isn't all that well, and there wasn't room for 4 (it's dh's bed too!) so I went back to ds2's bed with him. Then it wasn't that comfortable (it is not a full width single) so I got into dd's bed after a bit...

Phew.

Co-sleeping/ coming into bed is all very well, but it can become a bit of a habit, I think (one which I am frequently breaking after illnesses or several bad dreams in a row). Mine would all 3 be in there with me every night. Maybe I should put the 3 of them in our double bed and dh and I can sleep in twin singles. Hmmmm....

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 17/12/2014 22:43

That sounds like the perfect plan Merry!

MerryMarigold · 17/12/2014 22:54

Perfect in the middle of the night, but maybe less than perfect at bed time .

Psycobabble · 17/12/2014 22:59

Iv never done the co sleeping thing however ds sleeps with me the odd night (single mum) tonight is one of them nights except he's not asleep he's babbling on and pretending to shoot me. For the love of god go to sleep!!!!!

BOFster · 18/12/2014 03:16

"But it is possible to co-sleep and have sex, you might just need to get more creative."

I'm impressed by couples who could be arsed, tbh, after the experience of having a child they prioritise so much they don't even get any private respite from to sleep.

Lweji · 18/12/2014 06:50

After a child cosleeping can be respite. When they cry in the next room, and you have to get up, it's harder.

Carrierpenguin · 18/12/2014 10:35

Yanbu sounds fine to me

HamishBamish · 18/12/2014 11:42

I think as long as they have their own bed and you are fine with them co-sleeping then age doesn't particularly matter. Both our boys co-slept 100% of the time until around 4. Now they are both in the own beds mostly, but the young one (4.5) still comes in a few nights a week in the early hours. It's something which stops eventually. Our older son rarely comes in now, but did last night as he had very sore legs.

Northumberlandlass · 18/12/2014 11:48

My DS is 11 and will still ask to sleep in my bed for a treat if DH is on nightshift. Not every night, but probably at least once a month. I don't think it's a problem in anyway shape or form, I can't imagine it lasting forever.
I am interested to hear from those who think it's a problem?
I have to say I can't imagine him wanting to do it forever!

OTheHugeManatee · 18/12/2014 14:51

I think it's a bit weird. But my family culture is not very cuddly and I can't imagine wanting to share a bed with a child at all I barely tolerate sharing one with DH.

vintagecrap · 18/12/2014 16:33

Dd is 9 in Jan. She is in my bed 85% of the time.

I'm a single parent and we have been on our own pretty much from 4 months old.
The Co sleeping thing didn't really happen until she was about 5/6.
She has her own bed and a lovely room and I do sometimes say to her she should really go in her own bed. But, it's nice. We can have a cuddle and a chat. It's warmer too when it's cold at night.

I don't have a problem with it. She has no issues with sleeping anywhere and is fine at her dad's or at cub camp etc.

I just think she will stop when she wants to.

Babycham1979 · 18/12/2014 16:40

Hello, Jocasta*, is that you?

*mother of Oedipus

Babycham1979 · 18/12/2014 16:43

Some odd responses here. Not only does the mind boggle at how/why people choose to have sex with their child in the bed, but under other circumstances, wouldn't this constitute sexual abuse?

Also, 12/13? Bloody hell! And - if it's your son - how do you plan to deal with the night-time erections and night dreams when they inevitably occur?

Babycham1979 · 18/12/2014 16:43

haha! Oops!

That was supposed to say 'wet dreams'!

Lweji · 18/12/2014 16:46

The problem with Jocasta and Oedipus was that they didn't co-sleep.
I.e. he was raised away from his mum. So, they didn't develop incest barriers.
It is fairly common for children raised apart from close relatives to fall in love with them when they meet as adults (with siblings and parents).
So, I think it's pretty safe to co-sleep and I'd worry more about children forced to sleep away from parents when they clearly need more comfort.

Lweji · 18/12/2014 16:48

Not only does the mind boggle at how/why people choose to have sex with their child in the bed?

Where on earth did you read that?
People co-sleep and have sex, just not sex in the same bed.

TheWindowDonkey · 18/12/2014 16:54

And that is fine up to around six if you don't want a physical relationship with your partner

Not the case for us. DH and I haven't shared a bed for 4 years, (d's sleeps with me) but DH and I manage a sex life and affection as much as we ever did! :)

DS has his own room and his own bed, it's just he prefers to snuggle with me.

TheWindowDonkey · 18/12/2014 16:55

Oh and not sex in the same bed as DS, that would be weird!!

IrishBloodEnglishHeart · 18/12/2014 17:18

how do you plan to deal with the night-time erections and Wet dreams when they inevitably occur?

Eh? What do you mean "deal with"?

Our 12 year old still hops in with us some nights when he wants to. We co-slept from about 8 months largely because we only had a one-bedroom flat when he was born but also because it was lovely and we all got a great night's sleep into the bargain. When he was 3 we moved to a house and he has always had his own room available since then. It's only since about Yr6 that that he has really used it. In spite of all the warnings, he never had a problem sleeping on his own on school trips or sleepovers. He sleeps on his own perfectly happily in any situation.

MerryMarigold · 20/12/2014 16:47

how do you plan to deal with the night-time erections and Wet dreams when they inevitably occur?

I imagine this is only a problem if you are actually sleeping on top of each other. 2 or 3 in a double bed leaves plenty of room for erections not to be touching the parent. But anyway, I doubt many 13yo boys want to sleep with their Mum. It would be far too EMBARRASSING!

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