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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let 9 yr old co-sleep?

71 replies

AtSea1979 · 15/12/2014 22:47

I've just seen a thread about a 16 yr old co-sleeping and the consensus is its weird.
My DC co-slept until 4, would co-sleep now if allowed. Recently, I have allowed it but is 9 too old? Doesn't feel weird, and I find their snoring quite comforting. I'm a single mum so have the space but at what age is it deemed too old?

OP posts:

Toastiefeet · 16/12/2014 10:03

Dp is away this week and Ds who's almost 9 has asked to sleep in my bed tonight. He's a nightmare to sleep with, he takes all the covers, sleeps diagonally taking up most of the bed, sits up randomly in the night. I'm the same so I feel sorry for poor Dp sleeping with me. I'm hoping he will forget, I feel bad saying no but I need my sleep.

bubalou · 16/12/2014 10:42

Just personally I hate the idea of co-sleeping at any age but that's a personal preference - and I swear not a judgement.

I have had a couple of friends who have or do co-sleep with their children and it seems like they have nothing but trouble.

However for yourself you should do what you feel is right for you and your child. Also consider the effects it will have on them of being able to sleep in a room alone etc.

OddFodd · 16/12/2014 10:46

I'm single so it's not depriving me of sex :o

Sallystyle · 16/12/2014 10:49

And that is fine up to around six if you don't want a physical relationship with your partner,

You must always have sex just in your bed then!

mdpis3 · 16/12/2014 10:50

My DD is approaching 7 and has co-slept with us since the day she was born. She's never been in a crib or cot and only napped in the moses basket downstairs as a newborn during the day. I say, do what you want. Wtf has your familial sleeping arrangements got to do with anyone else?

Sallystyle · 16/12/2014 10:52

I only have sex in my room too now my older kids don't go to bed much before we do. But it is possible to co-sleep and have sex, you might just need to get more creative.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 16/12/2014 10:54

My friend is a single parent, her 9 yo DD has a lovely bedroom with a gorgeous double bed...seldom used . They sleep together in my friends bed every night except if they have friends with kids to stay or whatever. He DD happily goes on school trips, sleep overs, residential fun stuff. She's a little bit of a pita about going to sleep if she's totally on her own, but then so am I and I never slept with my parents! I think it's just in the same way that you get used to your DH being there and some people don't settle so easily when they aren't. It's no big deal at all if you two are both happy with it, for as long as you are both happy with it.

It wouldn't do for me, I'm a crap sleeper and I don't need additional elbows and knees digging into me! Bad enough when they're not well or have nightmares etc!

BlueberryWafer · 16/12/2014 11:01

I used to sleep in my mums bed when dad was on nights til I was about 15. Never thought anything of it really - I moved out when I was 17 so it didn't do me any harm..

CheeseBuster · 16/12/2014 11:04

There is nothing wrong with a child of any age sharing a bed with either parent in my eyes. I remember at 16 having to share a bed with my dad for a family wedding, I'm sure a lot of MNers would have an issue with this but to me the only issue was his snoring. I still if staying at my mums, sometimes get I to her bed in the mornings for a cuddle. Think she only lets me as I bring

It's the regular sleeping every night thing that is odd esp. with boys as their will be wet dreams/ boners etc. when they get older. I think a child should have their own/share with sibling bedroom by 4 but if they need to come for a cuddle that's fine. Co-sleeping is a really personal thing and should be decided by the entire family- it's horrid when mum refuses to stop and dad is kicked onto the sofa every night.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 16/12/2014 11:08

My eight year old comes in almost every night between midnight and 6. She goes straight to sleep and doesn't wriggle - often we don't even notice she's there til the morning. Five year old DS comes in for a snuggle at 7 when he wakes up, and sometimes earlier if he's a bit poorly. He is both wriggly and chatty, however, so we discourage .
DD1 is 10 and too big to squeeze in with us (not that she ever wakes up) but regards sleeping with me when dad is away as a total treat.

carabos · 16/12/2014 11:12

My friend sleeps with her 12 year old son. And his friends if they sleep over. I think it's very odd, although I don't think anything "odd" is going on IYSWIM. I say this as a parent whose DS2 co-slept until 27 months.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 16/12/2014 11:12

Actually I used to sleep with my mum on a Friday night til I was a teenager - she was a single parent, worked long hours, so it was nice to snuggle up and chat.

StarOnTheTree · 16/12/2014 11:51

We struggled against it a bit recently...DH and I. We tried to get DD out of our bed as DH gets out when DD gets in.....but DH can't bear it when she cries about wanting to get in....he says life is too short to fight a 6 year old who wants her Mum.

Your DH sounds fab Timely

Isn't 10 the age when it's recommended that siblings of different genders need their own space? I'd use that age as a guide for phasing out any co-sleeping arrangements but I'd say that by secondary age it shouldn't be happening every night. When ill, for cuddles in the morning, etc absolutely not a problem at any age.

Zippidydoodah · 16/12/2014 12:01

Carabos- it's pretty odd that the mum you're writing about shares her bed with her sons FRIENDS if they sleep over...... There's no way I'd accept that if it was my 12 yo son on a sleepover.

Smileybutstressed · 16/12/2014 12:12

No way!! My DD 16 months is the most annoying, wriggly, fidget bum that there is!! I just can't imagine her sharing a bed with us now let alone at 9 years old!

It's no bad thing for children to sleep in their own beds IMO!

JennyBlueWren · 16/12/2014 13:39

My mum and I shared a bed on holiday when I was 16 but she snored (really loudly) so I moved out on to the balcony.

She had always claimed not to snore and that it was dad (or the cat) who snored.

beautyfades · 16/12/2014 13:45

My kids always jump in my bed or each other's. There 15 and 9.

XmasEveDallas · 16/12/2014 13:54

In our old house DD (9) slept in with me more than her own room, DH slept in the spare room (he snores)

In our new home she slept in her own room until recently. DH has now moved downstairs to the sofa bed (before I kill him in his sleep) and she's coming back in with me every couple of nights.

It doesn't bother me, she's perfectly able to sleep elsewhere, she just prefers to be with me :)

Lweji · 16/12/2014 15:07

My DD 16 months is the most annoying, wriggly, fidget bum that there is!! I just can't imagine her sharing a bed with us now let alone at 9 years old!

They do wriggle less at 9, IME. :)

AskMeAnother · 16/12/2014 15:12

OP, its fine. Make sure the nine year old has a bed to go to if they wish. Gradually, they spend more time in their own beds.

mummytowillow · 17/12/2014 21:57

I've got a thread on this in 'classics' and my DD whose 7 is still in with me!

tallulah · 17/12/2014 22:21

My 7 yo has slept in my bed since she was born. She has her own room and her own bed, but she wants to be with me. When she sleeps at grandma's house she has her own room and own bed, and she's been off to Brownie camp.

Her older brother slept in my bed until he was 12, then took himself off to his own room, and is a perfectly well adjusted 23 yo who sleeps in his own bed in his own home ; so I'm quite sure DD will move into her own room when she is ready.

Megglevache · 17/12/2014 22:22

I've been pleasantly surprised by this thread. Dd used to have night terrors and it was habitual her sleeping me with after months of putting her in her bed (only to have her join me ten minutes later) I caved and she had her spot in my bed.shes outgrown them now and sees sleeping in my bed as a treat not a necessity, she's seven now. I miss her but now she has her own gorgeous bedroom she's dropped me like a hot spud. dS is only and when either of the dc are unwell they don't even ask, my bed is where they head to. Why people are so keen to get their children away from them at night thinking they'll ruin their dc is beyond me IMO. No 18 year olds sleep in their parents beds do they?

Megglevache · 17/12/2014 22:25

DS is ten not only ... Will give up... Am on notorious twatphone

bigbluestars · 17/12/2014 22:27

I can't see any harm in it.

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