Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my mums dog in my house

56 replies

Pigriver · 15/12/2014 20:38

I have invited my parents and DB, SIL and niece to visit next weekend to have a meet up before Xmas. I live 70 miles away and won't be visiting until Boxing Day. The visit was suggested by DB and SIL as they would like to do some shopping and visit the German markets and then they are invited back to our home for a late lunch, mulled wine and mince pies etc.
My mum is now saying she won't leave her dog at home (a friend has offered to look after him for the day) and she will either sit in my house alone whilst we go into town or not come at all.
I have just bought a new sofa and she will not stop him jumping up. He recently went to my DBs house and scent marked in every room.

AIBU to stand firm and say no? This bloody dog seems to scupper any plans we ever try to organise!

OP posts:
MaryWestmacott · 15/12/2014 21:55

oh, just let her get upset! Best deal with this now when you don't have a baby to be shoved near an untrained dog that's "just being friendly!"

Lilmissconcerned · 15/12/2014 22:03

I own a dog and I don't think you are being unreasonable.

I accept that not everyone thinks it's ok to sit on the sofa with a dog and let it sleep on your bed even if I allow mine too...

I agree with riverboat you can compromise on a few thing to accord ate a trained dog.. But one that's pees everywhere? Not unreasonable to say it can't come/has to stay outside etc

Nohootingchickenssleeping · 15/12/2014 22:17

Dog owner here. Love them, work with them.

Her dog is peeing everywhere as a dominance display and as part of the mating ritual. It thinks it's in charge and wants to mark its territory/attract females. The best thing to stop this would be to get him neutered but I very much doubt the owner would be that responsible. Don't let him near your furniture!

AcrossthePond55 · 15/12/2014 23:02

My DH and I are 'those people' with 'that dog' in that he travels with us and we take him everywhere we can.

I would NEVER expect any one to cater to him, even though he is pretty well-behaved. I'm not offended at all if someone says that it wouldn't be appropriate for him to be at a certain occasion or in someone's home. That's what doggy daycare or a kennel is for!

You'll need to be firm. Your mother will undoubtably pout and refuse to come. But she'll probably come around when you have a baby. I can't imagine any grandmother putting their dog over their grandbaby!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 15/12/2014 23:31

did you see my post upthread, Across ?

my mother actually refused to mind my kids because I wouldn't have her dog in the house ...

3boys3dogshelp · 15/12/2014 23:49

I have dogs, my mum has dogs. Her dogs are not allowed in my house because she doesn't train them. They pee on the floor, jump on the furniture, go upstairs and jump all over us. Bad enough at their house but i'm not having it here!
Just be firm, my mum wasn't happy about it (they are fur babies Hmm) but she realised she had to train them, leave them at home or not see us.

StrattersThePreciousSnowflake · 16/12/2014 00:12

I would consider that a result

Me too Grin

I love dogs; I would not be happy with a dog who pissed up everything. Introduce her to the concept of belly bands if she's not going to bother to train it.

Alisvolatpropiis · 16/12/2014 00:17

YANBU.

My friend has a dog who pisses everywhere scent marks. Have gently stopped her bringing him to my house. I have two dogs who don't piss everywhere and find it unacceptable that she allows hers to do so.

Morloth · 16/12/2014 00:40

No dogs in my house.

No way, No how.

People either get over it or they don't come over.

I like dogs just fine. I just don't want one in my house.

Topseyt · 16/12/2014 01:15

I have two dogs. I rarely take them to other peoples' houses, and never to ones who are uncomfortable with them for any reason.

From what you say your mum allows some very anti-social behaviour from her dog, which she should be trying to train out. Mine are far from perfect of course - they all have their moments. I have never allowed them onto the furniture though, and both of them wee and poo outside.

Your house, your rules. If she could get a handle on the dog's behaviour then it sounds as though you would be fine with that, but she hasn't done that, so the dog can't come.

AcrossthePond55 · 16/12/2014 02:10

I did, AFforamincepie, but I guess I assumed that she just shouted in anger. She really did refuse to watch her grandchildren? That's just ridiculous, IMHO.

I'm hoping she came to her senses. Dogs live an average of 15 yrs or so. Your grandchildren are for the rest of your life.

AdoraBell · 16/12/2014 02:20

YANBU

Tell her, be firm and do not be guilt tripped into changing your mind. If she chooses her dog over her family that is her choice. You are not forcing her to chose, she has options.

I would never take my dogs to someone's house unless they specialificately told me they want them there.

KingJoffreysHasABigWhiteBeard · 16/12/2014 02:52

I've had friend's dogs in my house. They chew stuff. Say no.

DS has a friend who I love but she smells very strongly of dog (has three) and when she's left the smell still lingers for ages. Not so bad in the Summer when I can open all of the doors but with the windows/doors shut and the heating on the smell is pretty bad.

An actual dog will be 10x that...

musicalendorphins2 · 16/12/2014 03:15

No way would that dog be coming to my house after the behavior you described. Your mother needs to train her dog. Buy obedience lessons for your mum's Christmas present.

Original poster
Pigriver · 16/12/2014 16:31

I will ring tonight and prepare myself for some guilt tripping. I will have to think carefully about what I want to say as I am likely to upset her.
For someone who avoids conflict like the plague I seem to be very good at starting it.
I need to make her understand she is controlling the family e.g. Her and my dad were supposed to be driving my DB and SiL and baby but if she refuses to come they won't be able to either. But I have no idea how to say this without sounding accusatory.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 16/12/2014 16:56

Tell her the dog isn't coming. Anything after that would be her consequences to manage.

nunkspugget · 16/12/2014 17:40

There has to BE guilt for a guilt trip to work....so make sure she can sense your lack of remorse from the off. Good luck!

Nomama · 16/12/2014 17:53

Don't bother with the wider explanation, it won't go in and you will only frustrate yourself.

Just tell her that, given it previous behavior, her dog is not welcome in your house and you expect her to take up her neighbour's kind offer and not to ruin your family get together.

Let her rant, but stick to 'no' and let her work it out for herself. And can you recruit your dad at all?

Have fun Confused

Boomtownsurprise · 16/12/2014 17:57

As there's been too many stories in recent history where a Grans dog has killed a baby I really wouldn't be allowing her to bring it if she cannot even toilet train it.

She. Has. No. Control. Over. The. Dog. Therefore the risk is considerable. Stand firm over the small stuff, hopefully bigger stuff won't happen.

emotionsecho · 16/12/2014 18:12

Be firm and sound calm, OP, the dog is not welcome in your house because it is untrained and out of control and you are not prepared to have your furniture and other parts of our house ruined because your mother prioritises her badly behaved dog over everybody else. Don't discuss, don't argue, or try to respond to other points she makes, just state your case, and tell her that it is her choice if she decided to remain at home with the dog and proves to you what is most important to her.

Don't go into the logisitic details as that will confuse what you are saying. Surely your father can still come without your mother so the transport arrangements will still stand?

ninetynineonehundred · 16/12/2014 18:59

My pils wanted to bring their yappy jumpy dog to ours for Dd2 first birthday.
She is currently scared of dogs because of one that barked loudly next to the buggy so we said no.
First it was implied that it would help her get over it (um yes, a naughty jumpy yappy dog in her own home Hmm)
Then the dogs got 'ill' so fil maybe wasn't able to come (that attempt ended when we called their bluff)
Then fil sulked the entire visit before leaving after only two hours so they could get back to the dogs.
Luckily that and other truly appalling behaviour during the visit means that h finally sees them for what they are (an entire post in itself)
Op you are not being ur.
Do not give in to emotional blackmail. You have a right to things being how you want in your home.
Your mum's decision to have a dog is her choice, not yours.

Original poster
Pigriver · 16/12/2014 21:26

So rang home and mum was out. DF has explained that he is upset over the fact they won't be able to visit but has echoed DMs sentiments. Said friend can't be expected to have dog so near to Xmas as they will be shopping etc (turns out they haven't actually asked).
DF will not come without DM as no doubt WW3 would ensue back home.
He suggested putting dog in garden and pop out to see it etc and/or taking dog into town to German market. I repeated under no circumstances would dog be allowed in home as previous mentioned plus young nephew would be there.
Suggested dog training as I don't feel comfortable with its behaviour in general and told 'he's just a puppy. He is fine after a bit if you play with him.' So basically he will speak to DM and get back to me.
Bit of a relief to speak to him rather than DM but that is me shirking a difficult conversation.

OP posts:
sooperdooper · 16/12/2014 21:34

I love dogs, but dogs that aren't house trained not to pee and poo in the house aren't welcome here either, you're completely right to say no

You said your DF said it's 'just a puppy' - how old is the dog? Aren't they house training it?

GwenaelleLaGourmande · 16/12/2014 21:39

I have a dog. Have a friend who has dogs and have stopped her bringing her dogs to my house because they pee, smell and have no manners.

Yanbu to not want a dog in your home for any reason of your choosing.

I take mine with me to people who say they want him there. Otherwise he stays at home. I don't stay overnight anywhere I can't take my dog or where there isn't someone I can leave him with. But that is my issue, no-one else's.

Lymmmummy · 16/12/2014 21:49

YANBU - she has other options such as leave the dog with someone else or not come to visit you if she really cannot bear to leave the dog and leave seeing you until Boxing Day.

One of DH relatives has a dog and I would never consider asking them to stay for xmas as they would insist dog would have to come and I would not want this - so I never ask them - but they are not my mother so much easier!