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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell my manager that i'm prengant by email?

71 replies

onemiddlefinger · 15/12/2014 14:21

I need to leave for a antenatal appointment in about 5 min and wanted to tell him before that I was pregnant and going to leave early for an appointment, but somehow didn't catch him earlier (ok I was putting it off), now I can hear him talking to another colleague but I now can't wait anymore, plus I find it easier to write in an email....
Is it weird?
It's my second pregnancy and I somehow feel a bit quilty... (he wasn't my boss the first time)

OP posts:

Knottyknitter · 15/12/2014 16:09

I had to tell my supervisor by email, as although I'd arranged my booking appointment outside my working hours, my scan charm through short notice and mid afternoon while he was away on a course. To make it even less convenient I was due to be running a tutorial group for other trainees at the time.

On his advice, I told the manager the day after, once I knew everything looked ok!

Boomtownsurprise · 15/12/2014 16:17

Sorry, you have problems working out if your own behaviour is unprofessional?

Possibly the oddest thing I've ever read on mn.

Mammanat222 · 15/12/2014 16:42

Have to agree OP. Very unprofessional.

You should have said well in advance about your appointment, I didn't disclose my pregnancy until after 12 week scan so before that appointments were taken as medical but booked weeks in advance and the scan itself was on a day I was already on leave.

*Falling - there are NO companies (even public sector) where you can dash off for 5 minute notice for appointments.

In fact even if its the done thing to give hardly any notice the polite thing (and it takes 5 minutes) is to give notice. It also sets a good example to the rest of the office*

Actually my public sector company have been amazing at facilitating me recently. Have been moving house and as I am about 20 minutes from office to new house I have had to leave at very short notice to let in builders / delivery men.

I have told them in advance that I may have to take my lunch break at short notice but there have been 3 occasions I have literally had to down tools and leave. Luckily I can do this in my role and in my 13 years with the co. it's certainly not been a regular thing.

Mammanat222 · 15/12/2014 16:42

Gah second bold fail of the day.

Leeza2 · 15/12/2014 16:57

We would only expect an employee to leave work without notice in an emergency . That's a real emergency eg my child has fallen at school and spit his head open, my Dh has been in a car accident at work and is on his way to hospital , I'm in terrible pain with toothache

" I've been pregnant for 12 weeks and forgot to tell you " isn't an emergency.

And " you were speaking to someone else when I decided to tell you " is something a 12 year old would say

In our company, even if someone is working from home, they would need to tell us if they were not available for part of the day , in case clients wanted to speak to them .

I'm afraid you sound rather immature and irresponsible, I can't believe this is your second baby. Most working mothers bend over backwards to be reasonable with their employers , as they know they might be asking for some flexibility themselves at some point . And yes I know, this should apply to working fathers as well, but usually it doesn't .

SuperFlyHigh · 15/12/2014 17:09

Can't remember who flagged it up but unauthorised absences from the office (most offices) could put you in line I think for a disciplinary.

It depends how many you take... a few may not impact but one after the other possibly fictional (but not in this case) is taking time off work. Depends also if you make up the time or have to make up the time.

if you work as eg a consultant or work your own hours its different but even then you have to account for your time... to yourself or an agency. In other words it would not go unnoticed by more senior members of staff.

I would be extremely unimpressed personally in this situation and it would not bode well re the mother returning to work after maternity leave, as I would think she could then apply this situation to taking time off as and when because her child is sick but with no notice etc...

SuperFlyHigh · 15/12/2014 17:14

Mammanat I agree with you your long service and the fact you alerted your company to the short notice and agreed to make up time is the reason why you got your leave authorised...

You have given notice to the fact that you would have to leave at short notice!

A few years ago my nana and grandad (very close to both) were terminally ill. I wanted to be at their side when death came. I informed my company (where I'd worked 6 years) and it was fine for me to rush off when I needed to do so. But I notified them in advance and it was an emergency.

This appointment is a routine appointment which OP has obviously known about yet for her own reasons (fear of her boss?) she didn't notify him about. Its fine if you forget, we all forget sometimes. But as soon as I make these appointments I let someone know I won't be there. Its called manners, being polite and not taking the piss. i also try to work these appointments (and I need regular blood tests and GP appts for underactive thyroid) for last thing in afternoon or first thing in morning.

Andrewofgg · 15/12/2014 17:19

ScreamingSpires No, not just you.

OP I remember being pulled aside by a managee for a quiet word and immediately asking When is e.t.a, then? and she said How the hell did you know? and I said By being a father and an uncle and seeing that look in your eye - please tell us how he reacts and if he had guessed!

beginnerrunner · 15/12/2014 17:25

Couldn't you have seen your boss in the morning? He can't have been talking all day surely? I pregnancy is a big deal to any company. It means time off etc so decent warning and professionalism is paramount. I used to work in a company where my work didn't impact on anyone elses. I wouldn't have dreamed of emailing my boss to say I was going to an appointment a few minutes before going and to email to say you are pregnant. So unbelievably unprofessional.

RevoltingPeasant · 15/12/2014 18:02

I don't see why notifying your boss that you are pg over email is bad, tbh. I told my line manager's line manager that way. Because I wanted it in writing so no confusion.

Your employees are not your mates-- telling your mum over email is a bit odd, but your manager, not so much. I have no idea why outlining formal plans to take leave months from now would be a bad thing to do over email

It's also not the case that everyone needs to give notice of appointments. I'm an academic and as long as I get the work done, no one cares. I am frequently out of my office for teaching, impromptu meetings with students, etc etc and you can't ever guarantee to catch me in. Many people work from home odd days if that means they will work more effectively. But we are all normally on email 24/7 so if I'm away from my desk people just email me and I pick it up as soon as I can. I almost never formally notify anyone about med appts; I just make sure the time is blocked off in my Outlook calendar which is visible internally.

That said, if you are in a role where you do need to give notice, 5 min is clearly taking the piss....

Andrewofgg · 15/12/2014 18:14

RevoltingPeasant the professional way is to give the news by word of mouth and then confirm it by email, and of course dates of appointments and when you plan to go on leave should be in writing, probably email, confirmed to all who need to know such as HR>

Apart from anything else most managers will want to say Congratulations and preferably also by word of mouth. That does not mean that s/he and you are mates - just that you are fellow human beings.

flowery · 15/12/2014 19:14

"That said, if you are in a role where you do need to give notice, 5 min is clearly taking the piss...."

That's the thing, isn't it? Clearly the OP is in the kind of role where she needs to let her manager know when she is going for a medical appointment, otherwise there would have been no need for the thread at all, and she would have disappeared off without a second thought.

InternetFOREVER · 15/12/2014 19:15

Eek I told my manager by email... partly because we worked at different locations and partly because 12 weeks fell awkwardly with christmas and I didn't want to be 4+ months pregnant when I next saw them! I didn't get fired though so I guess I survived my unprofessionalism!

SuperFlyHigh · 15/12/2014 19:19

Different locations are fine internetforever and your timings. I just feel it's very off even if you have bad relations with your boss to tell him/her of your pregnancy when you work in same office and have ample time to do so, to then tell them via email.

chariotsofire · 16/12/2014 08:05

Where I work it would usually be ok for me to leave at 5 minutes notice if I had to. Not that I would in this situation but without any more details I don't think anyone else had the right to start name calling etc.

Besides if she can get pregnant by email she let people know by email.

CakeAndWineAreAFoodGroup · 16/12/2014 08:18

Screamingspires

The thread title made me think that great strides have been made in assisted conception

Me too!

OP to do so and then fuck off on an appointment that you must have known about for a few days at least is discourteous at best and inconsiderate - who is covering your work at no notice? and not going to give a good impression of you.

brererabbit · 16/12/2014 08:21

OP I'm not sure you quite deserved some of the comments on here. It would be different if you hadn't come back on more than once and said you had made a mistake and learned your lesson ect. But seeing as you clearly know you had a fuck up, I'm not sure why it's still going. I do feel a bit sorry for you.
Maybe you had a case of the baby brain. absent mindedness hits hard sometimes and none of us here have any idea what you do and what's normal or not in your workplace. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy! Hope works ok today

ilovesooty · 16/12/2014 08:23

The immaturity and lack of professionalism displayed here is staggering imo.

TheSecretCervix · 16/12/2014 08:45

I think it very much depends on the nature of your role and the environment you work in.
Although sometimes on work threads I am surprised at how much pressure people work in/under.
Yes you need to have a professional attitude but surely if you do your job and fulfil your requirements to the company 5 minutes on mumsnet or having an hour off for an appointment every now and again shouldn't be a huge deal.
I run a company in which we value the people who work for us. If they had a meeting booked I wouldn't expect them to walk out 5 minutes before it but if they had fulfilled their requirements for the day then I wouldn't have a problem with someone giving short notice to leave for a medical appointment. We have found that by treating our staff well in return most of our staff will go the extra mile for us.
I think too many businesses forget that people are actually 'people' and not just employees. People don't come to work and exist merely in a bubble.

Out if interest have a look at this style of management:
www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-29356627

eurochick · 16/12/2014 08:54

As others have said, it depends on the work place. I work in a professional environment with annual targets. It is my responsibility to organise my own workload day to day. I haven't asked permission to go to an appointment in years. On the other hand, I have sat in the EPU waiting to hear if I have miscarried again answering work emails on my blackberry!

Mammanat222 · 16/12/2014 08:58

Advising of pregnancy via email is not unprofessional per se.

Advising of pregnancy via email, then saying in the very same email I have an antenatal appointment and have to leave right now is in credibly unprofessional.

In-fact I don't think advising of pregnancy face to face and then advising you have an appointment that afternoon is all that professional.

Surely you advise of pregnancy to alert your managers that there will be future appointments / absences?

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